[darkspiral]

ok so this has been going on for 10 years now.

i love my husband with all my heart and he is a truely beautiful person sober.

therein lies the problem.

he comes home around 3pm or so and starts drinking wiskey and i don't get home until a little after 6pm. needless to say he is sh*tfaced by the time i get there. His own son (whom i raised since he was 4) has left because of him to go live with his mom. and now my daughter is petitioning me to go live with her father.

we have 3 kids... his(14), mine(12) and ours(6)

he emotionally abuses them to the point that i have had to teach them to just walk-away when he is like that.

He is a native american and i get daily...."dumb fat white ******" in some form of that or another. among other jabs and slurs...

i miss my husband so much!!!!

i have 3 domestic reports on file. and an open divorce case. i just want him to quit drinking or at least slow down. he drinks about a fifth a day. but he rationalizes that since he dosen't have to drink in the morning he dosen't have a problem. he never drinks at work. i dont think......

we have been married 8 years as of last week and have been together solid for 10. we dated for a good 3 years before we moved in together and i have known him all total 22 years. so its not like a new relationship. he always drank just never so bad until about 5 years ago.....WOW i just had a realization. i was dx bipolar1 about the same time. hmmmmmmm

as far as that goes at first he told me to just get over it and it was all in my head and so on and so forth...i just got back on my meds about 3 weeks ago and he finally admitted that there is actually something wrong with me.

but back to my story...he has been to rehab. didnt work. he stopped for a six pack on the way home. we tried a tdoc for him. didnt work. he told her what he thought she wanted to hear. i have inlisted he friends for some social interventions. didnt work. he told them he quit and got quite angry with them for "butting in to his personal buisness"

i miss my husband. and i am at my end. i am tired of "strategicly" hanging pics and posters to cover holes in the walls. i cant tell you how many times i have had to pick up jars of peppers, pickles, sodas, his ashtray and anythin else that is within his grasp when he is raging.

but heres where it is eating me alive.....
no matter what he says to me or what he does to me.....
i go to him the next day and he says i am critising him and making him feel bad cuz he dont remember it
so i just have to roll with it and try to let it slide off my back.. and that aint easy cuz he's one mean mutha when he's loaded. his words have hurt me more than his hands ever have. its like i am not allowed to feel it at all and it keeps building inside me and one day i fear one of us will end up on the news.

i was trying to "lightly" get the point accross to him a few days ago when he was a little more sober than normal. telling him that he was a passive-aggressing person . in his head he is joking but he is the only one who thinks that. i mean how many times can i hear all the blonde comments(i'm a brunette) and how dumn the white race is because he is native american and therefore superior to me and be ok with it and KNOW he is joking just because he is smiling arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i get so mad sometimes.

i am sorry.....i'm not gonna ask for advice....cuz i know MY husband is still in there and i am having a helluva time trying to fight my own demons and fight off him and his demons to.
and please know my children that have left, are leaving are going into loving arms. and right now i will admit this is best for them so please don't judge. i am not chosing a man over my kids. they will still be in the same town and i have alot of healing to do myself.

i guess i just needed to vent thanks

[50guy]

darkspiral;
Hi and welcome to PC. I am of Native American descent too. Alcoholism is a disease that is pretty rampant in the Native culture. For some reason we are intolerant of alcohol. This disease will only get progressivly worse over time.

My brother is very much like your husband. He has gone to counseling and rehab many many times only to be back on the bottle in a relitivly short time. He has worn out his welcome with many in our family. Currently he has been sober fo the last 4 months after another stint in the rehab.

Have you ever checked out Alanon? They are a good resource and provide support as well as advice. Your husband has an issue with anger and it comes out while drinking and his way of dealing with it is to blame others, hence his blaming "whites". That is part of the disease, deflection of the real issue onto others and justifying his actions by saying he can't remember.

I truly hope you get some help and support for you and learn just what a horrible disease you are dealing with.

Be safe,
Eric