[Butterfly_Faerie]

At the age of 16 i was in an abusive relationship for close to a year... emotionally, some physical.. mental.... verbal and sexual...it started after about 3 months when he would choke me and smile. The it went to alot of yelling to the point of crawling into a ball at the foot of my bed in cry, it use to terrify me when he use to hit my bed. He use to pin me down to yell at me, he's threatened rape many times telling me that he could if he wanted too. He use to hold me in tight grips so i couldnt move so i had to listen to him. Things like that. After a year i dumped him and since leaving him i have been in unwanted situations rather it was someone groping me and then standing over my bed in just a towel watching me sleep, or being forced upon tell me that he wants me because i turned him down, he use to touch me grab me, kiss me and whisper things in my ear all the time and he was seeing my twin sister and he'd do it in front of her... one morning i went back to the boat to get something and he was in there (and i knew it) he told me that he wanted to talk to me i told him no.. he asked again telling me that he wanted to talk to me... i told him i had to get back to the office (a good friend of mine is the manager of my marina) as i was stepping out of the cabin he grabbed onto my leg and tried to pull me in. If he really wanted too he could have been forceful, my alarms were going off in my head and i knew i had to get out.. i managed to kick free and i didn't head back to my boat until i saw him drive away...also a "good friend" of mine who was older took advantage of me when i was drunk and passed out, he's older then me and i think i was like 18-19 during that time and he was touching me and feeling between my legs and inserted fingers. I knew what was going on but i was paralized.. not just from the tequila but shocked. After i kinda could wake up and move he asked me if he knew what happened, i lied and said no and he told me... then he said "well i should go enough of molesting little girls" I still see him once in awhile and i'm uncomfortable with seeing him... I saw him this year in my marnia and all i did was mock him because i didnt know what to do. I also was seeing this one guy for a few months, it was only sexual but he triggered me too many times, the last time we slept together he triggered a horrible flashback and i stopperd seeing him after that. Later he apologized for treating me that way and i accepted it. As for the ex i still talk to him once in awhile on msn... dunno why but i feel like i have too. I brought it up to him awhile ago.. and he apologized... but yet he will bring it up saying "Why did you tell people that i abused you" and i wouldn't have even brought it up!!! He told me a couple yrs ago that he didn't remember doing this...and that i was the only one he ever did this too.. YEAH THANKS!!!!

I right now suffer from anxiety/panic attacks, SAD, depression and PTSD.....

I am still seeing my shrink since i was 16.. i am 23 now ... and i don't know if i will ever be able to stop seeing her...

I've been in numerous unwanted situations, but luckily i've found someone who likes me for me and been going out with him nearly 3 yrs now... I do suffer from body memories sometimes, but they are getting better..

Well thats it ...

~Sundance

[ginniesky]

i am so sorry you had to go through all that .... i know how it is to find yourself in unwanted relationships ...i hope you are good to yourself

[Angel_of_the_Past]

Hugs and prayers! I'm right with you and then some. PM me any time.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

wow I'm surprised this was found as I wrote it in 2004!

[Angel_of_the_Past]

WOW-you're right! I checked the date just now, you did write it in 2004. I just saw it today in "Today's Posts".