I am "sunshine".. an alter of freewills....

I guess I don't know what to say.. freewill's therapist said to talk about the things that happened between my husband and me.. and the pain would get better.

I don't know - I was taught not to talk and to cry with tears and no sound cause my husband would say " if you're going to cry, I will give you something to cry about".. and then he backslapped me...

I am very, very clumsy.. I don't mean to be.. I just am.. and I was walking into the therapists office today.. and accidently fell against a picture.. and it made my heart almost expode..

I was so scared..I was afraid the therapist would get really mad.. but he didn't..I asked him if I had broken it.. if he would let me fix it.. and he said.. it was ok... and he would fix it...and then I asked him if his partner would get mad... and he said no...

I broke..a cup... once...I didn't mean to... my husband was so so so mad... as I was cleaning it up.. he saw it.. and he came for me.. and started hitting me.... and he dragged me up the stairs by my hair.... it hurt alot... my hair.. was long.. waist length.. and he grabbed it..

and as I fell.. at the bottom of the steps.. he dragged me up the stairs by my hair.... I felt like my hair was being ripped out..... and.. then he threw me down the steps..and I hit the bottom so hard.... it hurt.....

and I had to pick up all the pieces to the cup..and glue them back together again.. before I could go to bed... and I was so tired... I had to work.. the next day...

and.. I just was so tired by the time I got done....glueing the cup together.. the glue wouldn't stick... and I would get the cup part way together.. and then it would fall apart.. and.. I would have to start all over... I just cried.. I wanted to scream.. but.. I didn't...

I chose my name "sunshine"... because my husband.. used to call me a "worthless piece of ****"...

I asked freewill's therapist if I could have that name.. and he said "no"... so I thought.. that the sun... is so beautiful.. and so warm... and so peaceful.. everything I wanted when my husband beat me... that.. I choose "sunshine".....

I know that he is my ex-husband now... freewill told me... but.. I still get scared.. very scared....

thank you very much for listening, you are very kind.. sunshine..

[cantstopcrying]

(((((((((((((((((((((((sunshine, freewill)))))))))))))))))))

[sunrise]

(((((sunshine)))))

Thank you for sharing. I hope it helps.

(((((freewilll)))))