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#1
Sep 29, 2008, 04:17 PM
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To all survivors ....
Just remember ..... most survivors make wonderful and loving people who are compassionate and understand others' pain ....... One positive for me is that MY children were loved, protected and nurtured ...... This is the way I chose to look at things ..... Just want to say I turned a corner somehow ..... just believing I am worthwhile and I deserve a life of happiness and I deserve to be loved .... Please let this be hope for you all, I have not let my abusers win in the end, even through all the pain I have endured, I am free, more than ever in my life before .... just have some way to go to get used to it all ....... So, please be inspired ..... that's all.... Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo 
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 beadlady29-old, lifeblows, Phoenix1985, purplebutterfly, thunderbear
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#2
Sep 29, 2008, 04:50 PM
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You.. are a beautiful person.. inside.. and out....
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#3
Sep 29, 2008, 07:46 PM
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How did you get there?
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#4
Sep 30, 2008, 02:08 AM
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 JinnyThank you for sharing your hope around sometimes loose sight of what future may hold You are a special person and im so glad l met you Thank you Mandy xxxx 
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#5
Sep 30, 2008, 10:04 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Sep 30, 2008, 04:04 PM
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I am still in therapy and have had wonderful help from her for over a year now .... Istill hav a way to go, but I feel I am getting more together faster these days ... I have bad days, probably always will ...but I suffer with dissociative amnesia, and instead of LOOKING for the details of the past I am letting go and looking to the future ..... I feel more worthwhile as a person, I still have to learn not to let things bother me, to try and stay grounded if something triggers me ... good friends, therapy and learning to find good things about yourself works for me. It's taken 37 years ish .... to find a wonderful therapist and I'm still not fully healed, but I am well on the way. Writing helps me a lot, poetry .... journaling.
Most of all it is true what people say .... once you actually look into yourself and see a worthwhile, loveable person, things are more hopeful .... there are a lot of things Icando now that I couldn't only one year ago .... if I have bad days I can see light at the end of the tunnel ..... once upon a time I could see only darkness ..... I also refuse to let my abusers ruin any more of my life .... They've had enough of my life as it is .... the rest of it is for living..... Best wishes and good luck ........ the sense of freedom is amazing ..... today my therapist says I am no longer a 'little girl'. She has seen a big change in me ..... the bad days have been getting less and less ....... PC has helped in many ways ..... support and comments on my writing and friends in chat too .... Jinny xx 
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| beadlady29-old, lifeblows
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#7
Oct 01, 2008, 12:17 PM
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Jinny, what you have said then is basically loving your inner child. I too think that if a person can get to this point that healing moves much faster and better. When we love our inner child we are doing what should have been done years and years ago during our upbringing. It is so important in order to move forward. Also what you have said about building your life in the present, this is so important! How can a person let go of the past if there isn't anything in the present to hold onto?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| beadlady29-old
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#8
Oct 02, 2008, 12:44 AM
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Quote:
 TJ
__________________
 Smooches! Hope you have a Beautiful, Blessed Day!Thyroid disorders can cause depression and can mimic bipolar disorder... Please read below regarding one form, hypothyroidism, and have your numbers checked...TSH, T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4, and Thyroid Antibodies (for Graves Disease and Hashimotos Disease (which mimics BP)
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#9
Oct 02, 2008, 05:54 AM
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twilight
__________________
花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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#10
Oct 02, 2008, 09:00 AM
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Dear Kerry,
I feel your joy! Thank you! Larry |
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#11
Oct 02, 2008, 10:10 AM
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((((((((((((((((skeeweaka)))))))))))))))))))
I am further in my healing than you maybe ..... we are all at different stages in our 'getting better'. I have had many years of naff councelling that did no good, in fact proably more harm than good ..... I found a wonderful therapist just over a year ago who has been my life saver ...... she has been through the same as me, we connected straight away, a good therapist is so important ..... I never even knew I had an inner child until recently, I just didn't understand at all .... I feel I have connected with her, nurture her and tell her it was never her fault and that she is now loved and cared for ..... Of course I still have days when I grieve, for me, my parents who are out of my life etc .... but I nowlook to the future. I have my own little family who are successful, happy and above all loved. IfI feel in childmode I will look aftr myself ... hug a teddy, suck my thumb, just do what I need to do to make her and me feel safe ... It will come sweetheart, dont ever ever give up, you are worth so much more than to let abusers win .... they were wrong, they chose to abuse, they chose to put their sick actions upon innocent lives .....I too hated myself for many many years .... I am 43, the sexual abuse happened from the age of 8 -15/16 ...... emotional since i could talk .... Please know I was sad, confused, angry, aggressive, guilty and all the rest of it. I still struggle with self esteem and confidence, but I am getting stronger and so will you ..... I've said this before and I will keep saying it ... If I can do it, ANYONE CAN .... i was an emotional wreck, now I am telling myself I deserve to be loved, cared for and I deserve happiness ..... I am a valid person. I have 2 wonderful children who are independant, happy and doing well .... I broke the chain of abuse...... Good luck to you all, you too will be happy I KNOW YOU WILL ..... have faith love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo
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#12
Oct 03, 2008, 01:10 AM
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I have to honestly say that for years I tried to forget that part of my life and move forward, but now I realize that it was with me all the time! It controlled my every move... I have had a few incidents with my dd that I definitely regret and I still really try hard but I am drowning trying to cope... Now I am paralyzed with fear, sadness, and shame and can't seem to wrap my head around it and move forward. It seems I have become a perpetual victim and now seem to be always angry and full of rage... Finding a good therapist is the key, I like my therapist but I don't feel that we are getting to the core issues that I need to deal with. I definitely will talk to her about that... Again, I wept as I read your post. It seems I cry a lot! I cry for that girl that just wanted to be a child and do childish things. I cry for that girl that seemed to only get attention from boys and men, and wondered how and what I did to provoke such negative attention! I cry for the girl who never got a hug or an "I love you." I cry for the girl who felt alone in a house full of many! I cry for the girl who was thrown on the floor and had her mother put a knife to her throat for talking back to her! I cry for the girl whose mother called her names because she suspected that she was sexually active and she wasn't! I cry for the girl who was beat with an extension cord when she got out of the shower! I cry for the girl who was molested by family members! I cry for the girl who had to run down the street from her mothers alcoholic boyfriend with a gun who thought she was going to die! I cry for the girl who had to leave the Church she grew up in because the Youth Minister molested her, but the Church didn't believe it, neither did her uncle who was on the Church board! I cry for the girl who felt like nothing after that experience, nothing!!!  TJ
__________________
Smooches! Hope you have a Beautiful, Blessed Day!Thyroid disorders can cause depression and can mimic bipolar disorder... Please read below regarding one form, hypothyroidism, and have your numbers checked...TSH, T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4, and Thyroid Antibodies (for Graves Disease and Hashimotos Disease (which mimics BP)
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| beadlady29-old
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#13
Oct 03, 2008, 04:30 AM
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You sound like a wonderful and caring person jinnyann....
__________________
"I don't want to die, but I'm not keen on living either" |
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#14
Oct 03, 2008, 05:39 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((skeeweeaka)))))))))))))))))))
Icried forall the reasons you did, and still do...(apart from the knife and minister part) I am so sorry you had to endure all of that, they were wrong, you an innocent child ... Firstlythe shamehas to go, because you are carrying the shame that belongs to THEM not you .... when my T put that to me it started slotting into place.... i carrid my abusers guilt and my mums shame ..... No longer. When a child has been neglected and abused, that child looks for ANY attention even if it is bad .... you will learn to manage all this grief and you will live again .... I want you to believe me and trust me on this. It is hard and it takes time honey ..... but you will do this for your childhood lost and yourself now...... We can never get our childhoods back as they should have been, but we can do silly things and buy dolls and teddys and nurture our inner selves.... I am telling myself that, regardless of the way I have been treated in the past and sometimes the present, I am WORTHwhile and a valid person .... This is only MY opinion, but sometimes I have made myself a victim in the workplace, bullied etc because I let myself, didn't think I was worth anything else....... DONT EVER LET PEOPLE TREAT YOU THAT WAY ....... Now, if people dont like me, it hurts but I know I cant please everyone .... The people who matter are the people who like mef or who I am...the rest, well, their loss... I can only say this because I am further forward in my healing ....... You will one day be telling people this .... love you hon, never give up hope, never give up making your inner child happy ..... we cant change what happened to us ... but we can move on and not let THEM win ..... You WILL be able to do this, if you are not happy with your therapist, talk to her and tell her why, ortry and find one you connect to, I'm so sure this is why have done so well.... Best wishes always, pm me anytime ..... love and care, Jinnyannxoxoxoxo Phoenix, ty for the compliment, I am just trying to give hope,that's all .... love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo |
| beadlady29-old
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#15
Oct 03, 2008, 05:45 AM
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(((((((((((((JINNY))))))))))))))))
you give hope always hope it will get better hope we can move forward hope the pain will lessen hope that this is not forever hope that we can learn to live, love and trust again Thank you for sharing your hope
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#16
Oct 03, 2008, 11:08 AM
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You were probably never allowed to feel your anger. It is a valid response..... No wonder you have been feeling weighted down? This is a lot of stuff to carry. You don't have to carry it anymore. You are letting it out......
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#17
Oct 03, 2008, 11:18 AM
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((((((((((((((((((jinnyann))))))))))))))))))))
we are ssssssssssoooooooooo happy for our freind that she is in good place inside now!!!!!!!!!!! we hope that we will get there too one of these days....we are trying but when u have never known love it is hard to understand how/why to love urslef. little tiny steps..........one mometn at a time mary 
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#18
Oct 04, 2008, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Thanks Sannah, I guess I don't know how to mourn this. It is a lot to carry and a lot to feel ashamed of! I guess it all goes back to not feeling good enough! TJ
__________________
Smooches! Hope you have a Beautiful, Blessed Day!Thyroid disorders can cause depression and can mimic bipolar disorder... Please read below regarding one form, hypothyroidism, and have your numbers checked...TSH, T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4, and Thyroid Antibodies (for Graves Disease and Hashimotos Disease (which mimics BP)
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#19
Oct 05, 2008, 01:58 PM
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(((((((((((((skee)))))))))))))))))))))
It's hard hon .... and I didn't fell good enough ... but now I think ... I am me ... i am a valid person .... i think i am a nice person, still aiming to be a better one, never stop learning, striving ...... I've made mistakes, lots of them. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. But I never murdered or hurt anyone, not on purpose anyway ..... maybe with words once or twice ..... but it doesn't make me a bad person .... I look at my life like this now ... I have raised 2 wonderful children, when I was working I gave my employers my all ..... I try to help, I want to do something useful in my life.... and I will ...... I wouldn't have thought like this not so long ago .... I will be in therapy for a good while yet ... I hope you can talk to your therapist and sort things out with her. I'm sure you will .... I know you will . .... There is this kind of peace in me now ..... it's too hard to explain .... but I know my therapist has helped me to get this far ..... and it's true what people say, love yourself, like yourself, it all falls into place when you realise you deserve to be loved, love and be happy. My love to you and anyone else who is undergoing therapy for emotional and sexual abuse/rape. Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo
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| beadlady29-old
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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