[xylia]

...at me because I never help anyone and just post about my own stupid problems. But I have a dilemma.

I am now at a "safe school" for kids with anxiety problems who just can't fit into the regular school system. I've gone for one week, and it has been fine. Up until today.

I've discovered over the weekend [thanksgiving in Canada] that I have been supressing my memories from my second hospitalization,so today, the memories were bothering me, my mom dropped me off, I walk in and... it just hit me. I looked at the old fashioned building with the whitewashed walls, and I'm there again. The feelings of being unsafe, and the adrenilene and the fear, and the running away to walk the streets in an unsafe part of town just so they wouldn't kill me, and the terror when I came back expecting to die...

So I left. I walked home after telling them in tears that I couldn't be there today, and phoning my mom. I'm planning to go again tommorow and see if I could make it through the day.

My question is: What do I do if it happens again tommorow? The only place to go from this school is to drop out, and I can't have that happen. And also: What happened? Was it some major anxiety attack?

Anyways, Thank-you for listening.

[MINIME]

No one will get mad at you. It sounds like you are taking car of yourself. If it happens tommorow can u talk to some one and process it?

[chaotic13]

What do I do if it happens again tommorow?

Can you tell yourself, "This is not the hospital I'm remembering, its my safe school. I proved that to myself yesterday...when I don't want to be here, I can just walk home."

[sabby]

((((((((xylia)))))))))))

Memories are sometimes difficult to deal with. It sounds like some PTSD grabbed hold of you and put you back into that familiar rotten place.

Maybe if you could try some grounding before you walk into the school and while you are there? Some deep breathing to calm the heart rate and slow it down. Will also help you to gain a bit of brain control too. If sitting at your desk, make sure you feet are planted firmly on the floor in front of you. Take notice of the people in the room, the colors of their clothing, make mental notes of where you are and that it is not the place where you have been in the past. Talking calmly to yourself (which I know is easier said then done) to come back around to the present may help as well.

I wish you well and hope the days go by more smoothly for you.


sabby