[multipixie9]

i didn't think i should post here today because if i could have slept last night i would have been safe. i do not live with or experience any active abuse today. the days of acts of abuse are years behind me, somewhere in history, it is happening so many places but not to me today. that doesn't mean that my life is perfect today, just better. i do not live with abuse, but i do live with emotional neglect. i was abused and now i'm not but neither am i believed. i should be believed. it happened and my lack of sleep last night is one proof that i do not lie. why doesn't he believe me? you all believe me but the man i married 28 years ago doesn't.

ok, fussing over for now. my daughters believe me and that will have to be enough belief in my real life for now. thank you all on line here who choose to believe me without proof.
i didn't lie. it hurts that he will not believe me because it would mean he'd have to adjust his view of life to include real monsters in it. i do not lie, but he lives a lie by not believing me - this was what they meant "for worse" - if i'd known before my vows what i'd blocked from my memory, i would never have married anyone and inflicted my past on their life. ok, so the fussing wasn't quite over, but it is now.

[Sannah]

Hi Leslie, I am sorry that you aren't getting what you need.....

I still had all my problems when my husband met me. He was very supportive. Then 4 years later I started my MSW program. Triggers were everywhere to all the things that I still needed to deal with. This 2 year program wore my husband out (because of its affects on me). He couldn't take anymore. He didn't have any sympathy left. It was all spent. I came to the realization that my husband just couldn't be there for me anymore on this one area. He couldn't not because he didn't want to, he couldn't because to do so would have "harmed" him I guess. I looked at it as his self-preservation which he has every right to. So I picked up from there and continued on my journey. I got an awesome T and made quick progress. I recovered and so did my husband. Eventually he had rested enough and he could be there for me again emotionally for any challenges that I had.

[Luce]

Leslie and Pixies, I can understand how very painful it is to live with invalidation and without support. I am so sorry your H, for reasons of his own, is unable to give you what you so badly need from him. That gulf between you must feel huge.

I very recently met up with some old friends (whom I haven't seen for years) who instantly recognized many of my alts, welcomed them by name and expressed their pleasure at seeing them again. I (we) had forgotten how it felt to be validated and recongized, and it made me (us) realise how very isolated we are in daily life. It also made me wonder if it possible to truly integrate (in whatever sense that may mean for any one of us -whether it be integrated to a singular state or by having our various alts integrated into our daily experiences) in a climate of invalidation? When so much of one's collective self has to be hidden and denied, how can it be possible to experience integration? It just got me thinking about it...

My hope for myself is that one day I will get to experience integration, in whatever form it may take, and that the collective whole of me feels validated, accepted and nurtured.

I really hope you get to experience life in that way one day, too.

[Miracle1986]

(((((pixie)))))

[Typo]

(((((((Leslie and Pixies))))))))

Always here for you,
we love you lots....message anytime