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#1
Oct 18, 2008, 11:11 PM
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I have finally summoned the courage to post about my past.
Every guy that I have ever dated has abused me in some way. Except for my husband. He is the gentlest, most caring man I know. Some guys just emotionally abused me by saying things like "you are nothing. You are worthless" they called me... a female dog... and the C word. They would say that if they left me or I left them, I would never find anyone else to love me... they would isolate me from my family and friends. They would tell me how to dress, who to talk to, etc... but they never actually physically hurt me. Some guys physically abused me... if they didn't like something I was doing (like if I was talking to someone that they didn't like or if I wore clothes that they didn't like, etc) they would punch me, or throw me up against walls or whatever they felt like my "punishment" should be. I have had black eyes, my ribs broken, and everything in between. And some guys did both at the same time. They would be screaming all kinds of profanity and degrading things at me while they hit me. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Then, in January of last year, I was sexually assaulted by a co-worker while we were at work (I no longer work there.) And lastly, in August of last year, (right after my husband was deployed to Iraq) I was raped by a man in my apartment. |
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#2
Oct 19, 2008, 10:45 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((Boundbythoughts)))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you have experineced such hurtful relationships in your life. I hope reaching out here has helped.
It is wonderful that you did find a wonderful relationship with your husband. BB
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#3
Oct 19, 2008, 10:59 AM
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Truely,,,to share such events with us is a testament of your courage and trust... I hope that you have found a therapist to trust as equally.. Please know that these events do not define you... We care, Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#4
Oct 19, 2008, 02:03 PM
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I admire your courage and wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what you have been through, and you are truly lucky to be with someone wonderful now (but I'm sure you know that). I hope you only experience wonderful things from here on.
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Experience is learned through bad judgment ... bad judgment is learned through experience. |
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#5
Oct 19, 2008, 07:58 PM
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((((((((((((Bound_By_Thoughts))))))))))))) That took a lot of courage to write, good for you.
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#6
Oct 20, 2008, 09:44 AM
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Bound, yes, are you in therapy? I am so sorry that all of these things happened to you. You can heal and put all of this into perspective and learn from it........
Were these last 2 men procecuted?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Oct 20, 2008, 12:10 PM
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#8
Oct 20, 2008, 12:39 PM
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Are pagans different emotionally than non pagans? Is there a class I missed in graduate school? How would the pagan theology directly impact the shame resulting from rape? Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#9
Oct 20, 2008, 12:54 PM
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#10
Oct 20, 2008, 01:08 PM
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There are many therapists who don't use Christianity in their practice. Why are your choices so limited where you are?
Can I ask why these men weren't prosecuted?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#11
Oct 20, 2008, 01:45 PM
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Other than certain very specific church based counseling services I have never been exposed to what you describe. I was also taught to not encrouch upon areas of religion/theology unless prompted by the client. Though I can understand that certain religious postures will impact a clients emotional base such as a punishing contruct, unless the client opens this coridor of discussion it can become a world of its own in therapy. I too would be offended by such dogma in paid professional services without my expressed expectation. Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#12
Oct 20, 2008, 03:42 PM
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((((((((((Bound)))))))))))))
  Sending peaceful thoughts and hugs Silver |
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#13
Oct 20, 2008, 07:14 PM
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I guess I was just sent to Christian Ts because I was living at home with very Christian parents. I also don't know how to go about finding other Ts. I have never had to do it on my own. My mom always found me Ts, made all my appointments, etc. So, I am cluless...  Quote:
And I finally got up the nerve to report the 2nd guy like a month after it happened. And a cop told me that I waited too long. It was too late... nothing could be done. |
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#14
Oct 21, 2008, 01:32 PM
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Now I see about the therapists. Are you going to look for a T then? I am sorry about the prosecutions...
Bound, do you think that you were taught that you were powerless when you grew up?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#15
Oct 21, 2008, 01:53 PM
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#16
Oct 21, 2008, 02:09 PM
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I'm sorry Bound... This is what they taught but it isn't true! And you can learn. You can look inside and find your power! I had to find my power. My parents didn't feel that they had any power so this is how I learned that I didn't have any power either (as opposed to parents who maintain strict control). Which type of parents did you have if you don't mind me asking?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#17
Oct 21, 2008, 02:31 PM
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I was their only child and I was disabled (you can read about my disability here). I guess maybe in a way my mom felt guilty that I was disabled, so she did absolutely everything for me. Heck, I didn't even learn how to put my hair in a ponytail until I was almost 18. |
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#18
Oct 21, 2008, 02:39 PM
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I see, I did just read your other post. So which or both gave you the message that you were powerless? The fact that your mom didn't let you build competence or your school experience?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#19
Oct 21, 2008, 02:41 PM
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#20
Oct 21, 2008, 02:44 PM
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Bound_by_Thoughts welcome to PC, sorry for what brought you here.
When I first read that you were a Pagan my own past...confused me a bit. The image that was generated in my head was of a motorcycle mama.  Where I grew up there was an infamous motorcycle gang called the Pagan's. If you were one of them... you most definitely suffered many kinds of abuse....and you'd likely in your 70-80's by now... LOL After reading the rest of your posts... I get it now...Pagan...religion...not motorcycle gang.Are you on your own now? Even if you are still on your parent's insurance or living under their roof, you can likely find a T who better matches you perspective. My T is a Christian, but I don't feel like her religion or personal beliefs have a major impact on how she treats me... at least not directly. A professional T who works in a secular setting should be able to keep their personal beliefs out of the therapy session. I don't think you need to limit yourself to a Pagan T, but I can certainly see where church-based counseling likely would cause problems for you. Do you think your mom set you up with the Christian T's as a way of trying to get you back on HER path? Is your mom your "go to" person for medical appointment because you are under her insurance? If so, remember that just because you are on her insurance plan, doesn't mean she controls who you can and can't see. If you talked with your mom and said that you wanted to find a T with not religous affiliation, could she accept this? If not, can you just ask her for your insurance information? It would be a good idea for you as an adult to have this information and start scheduling your own appointments anyway. I think if you make your own choice on who you see, you might get a whole different perspective on the value of therapy. If you have never scheduled your own health care appointments before... you can start by finding out what insurance you have...if any and what's covered. You can find this out by going to your insurance companies website or by calling the number on the insurance card. Then look in the yellow pages and start calling places and asking if they accept your insurance and other questions you might have. Since I don't like talking to "people" I used the Internet for this too. I found my therapist by going to the local hospital's web site and getting a list of local health care providers. I pulled up a list of psychologist in the area and was able to see what they had listed as their areas of specialties. Luckily my hospital site's also had listed their credentials, types of insurances accepted, office locations & phone numbers. Then I picked a few and called to find out more information. Finding a good therapist really sucks, but for me its been worth the effort. If you are in college, your school likely has a counseling center where you could go for FREE, at least to get started. This center would also be a good place to look for information on local therapist.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#21
Oct 21, 2008, 02:54 PM
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BTW... I've had long hair on and off most of my life... still have no idea how to braid...still can't figure out how to get it to say in a pony tail. I remember breathing a sigh of relief after both of my boys were born... I was so afraid I would have a girl and not have a clue about what to do with the hair...and other stuff. I'm not powerless...just clueless in some areas...cluesless is easier to fix, but both issues can be overcome. Hope you keep posting!
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#22
Oct 21, 2008, 03:10 PM
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I had an interest in Paganism, yes, but it was on the back burner, because I knew it would piss her off. |
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#23
Oct 21, 2008, 05:05 PM
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How about your H, is he ....one of those guys? Does he empower you? Does he see you as more than your disability?
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#24
Oct 21, 2008, 06:16 PM
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He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the only reason I haven't ended it all.  But my brain always tells me, "one day he is gonna wake up and realize that he can have so much better than you, and that he doesn't have to deal with you and all your crap anymore."  And no matter how many times he tells me "I am not one of 'those' guys." and no matter how hard I try to believe him, my brain can't help but view all men as bad... even him. I don't wanna see him like that... I really don't. *cries* |
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#25
Oct 21, 2008, 11:13 PM
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I think abuse skews our perspective on many things. I hope you will continue to explore and challenge those thoughts. I think we are all here to bring something unique and positive into the messed up world.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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