[(JD)]

I don't know if I will really come up with 50 tips on how to do that, but maybe if we all pool together, we can find enough ways that anyone who is stuck in such a relationship can use one to free herself (himself?) Let's all try and keep it on topic, with the current "tip" as we go okay? Meaning, for #1, if you have more info and links on how to clean your paths, or not make any ...post it!

I think the next tip will be links and information of outside agencies that help with resources (such as Women in Distress.) So gather your info together to post too?!


To begin with, for those who are still in an abusive and controlling relationship, you need to work on keeping yourself as safe as possible, especially as you develop a plan for leaving that relationship. As you probably already know, just coming here to PC might be considered a breach of his or her rules.

[1]
One thing you must do is make sure there is no path for that person to follow on your computer, to see where you have been looking and reading. There are all sorts of ways to find out where you or anyone has been on the internet. I will post some links to help you erase your paths. (I've posted many, as I know not everyone can follow just one techie's info.)

If anyone has other ways please post them in as simple words and directions as possible.

For PC users and IE: http://www.mytechguide.com/112/how-t...rnet-explorer/

For PC users and Mozilla: http://www.mytechguide.com/123/how-t...zilla-firefox/

How to clear recent searches from Safari, Google http://www.askdavetaylor.com/how_do_...nd_google.html

How to delete history items from Google toolbar. http://ask-leo.com/how_do_i_delete_h..._tool_bar.html

Make sure you empty your recycle bins! This is where stuff you delete goes, but is still on your computer. http://www.ehow.com/how_2048576_comp...cycle-bin.html

But just because you have cleared the bin, doesn't mean it's gone from your hard drive. http://computer.howstuffworks.com/question578.htm

So if you really want to be sure, after deleting and erasing all the above, do a "disk clean up" or even a
"disk defragmentation." (Click on START, then ALL PROGRAMS, then ACCESSORIES, then SYSTEM TOOLS. You will find both disk clean up and disk defragment options there.

Give yourself TIME to clear these after each such use of your computer. It's just a good way to know you're safe on this.



PS there is plenty of software to buy to do this automatically, and indeed you might be able to set your computer to automatically clear this stuff IF you shut your computer completely down each time. If you want a privacy software program that costs, but don't want the trail of the purchase, why not opt for the free trial and then do a massive amount of searching during that time period?

PPS If you find information you will need later, be sure NOT to bookmark it! If you wish to copy it, do so on a password protected disk. Keep that in your safe place. Even if you have a password protected computer, what's to keep that abusive person from making you open it for them???

Please don't be more afraid than you already are by reading this. As I said, this is to help you stay safe so you aren't worrying about being found out just for considering the possibility of leaving the abuse. You can do this. Thousands before you have.

2) while in the process of making your plan - do not change "anything" about your behavior - ie. a slight change to your current haircut.. new buttons on a blazer, taking a lunch if you normally don't - these can be picked up on.. by a super controlling person (from personal experience - so it does happen)

3) do not talk to your neighbors, your co-workers, to your best-friend about your plan for leaving.. that you are planning on leaving, (again from personal experience.. my ex- made friends with my department's secretary - she called him daily to tell him everything that she knew about me - so it can come from anywhere)

4) try to find ways of "stocking away money"... but make sure it is a fool-proof plan.. that it put where... the person will not find it.. anywhere....very important to not be found out

5) do Not.. agree to meet the person at a therapist's office - it can be.. a way to get you there.. and hurt you (from personal experience - car set ablaze)

some of these seem very frightening.. yet they happened to me...

Knowing this stuff ahead of time.. KEEPS you SAFE......so.. it is good to know.. and to not be frightened by it... people leave their abusers successfully.... and safely...

[salix11]

On keeping on topic for this tip, some abusers use keyloggers. These are computer programs they put on your or your shared computer to keep track of everything you are doing as you sit at your computer. There are both software ones and physical ones (these ones can be hidden somewhere on your computer). Physical ones can be found by understanding the basic parts of your computer and spotting a suspicious part. Software ones a bit tricky and require searching for them within your programs and can sometimes be found and cleaned up with a spyware finding program such as Spybot. The best thing to do is do research online about what keyloggers are and how to find and remove them (I would advise doing this research on a computer other than ones your abuser has access to since you don't want him/her to be on to you knowing that he/she might have put one on your computer).

Do not keep a log of your usernames and passwords on your computer if your abuser has access to your computer. Also don't click on "remember my username" or "remember my login" on any forum or email site.

Beware of where you post things online and what you post. Don't use usernames which your abuser could easily guess (such as your name, your birthdate or birth year, special words that one would link to you), and know that some forums are actually easily searchable through google or their own search engine, so using your abuser's name or your own in a post or even your town if you live in a small region can "out" you online should your abuser stalk you online. If you use social networking sites, make sure your profiles are private and be careful who you friend on them. If you share mutual links in person with your abuser, know that these people might tell your abuser your online business, even if they seem trustworthy (this actually happened to me).

[Kiya]

The only real complete way to get your info off your computer is with a hammer to the memory board. Use one your abuser cannot get to.

"sleeping with the enemy" is on tonight... learn from that - don't cut your hair in your house, throw your wedding ring down the tolit or give friends/family any notice or info that they can use back to your abuser. knowledge is power over you.

[letgo]

Change your user name, got to a public library, use that pc.
Start getting clothes and necessities, get a dv counselor to talk to.
Get copies of your birth certificate, driver's license, ss #, change your address have your mail sent to someone's house.
Stop all bank accounts and don't use charge cards.