I don't know what to do

Sounds like you are making some good decisions for yourself for what you need to do to process this, good work!

Do you feel that you are still vulnerable to abuse?

I'm afraid that my grandfather will die soon & this man will be invited to the funeral. My grandfather is in hospice. I live in florida,but my grandparents & this man live in Michigan. I'm afraid I would end up in a situation where I'd have to fight back.

((vrba))
when the time feels right to you is when you'll do it...

At one point, I also cut off contact with my parents. It was hard to do, but it gave me time to get somewhat untangled. For me, it was a time of healing and reflection.

Peace and Power to you,
Cap

I went to therapy today. We did a relaxation exercise. It's so I have a safe place to go to mentally when the emdr stuff gets too intense. I actually relaxed - something I find difficult to do.
I don't feel anything right now. It's nice to be numb. I was very upset last night about my parents. I guess I'm grieving that I have to cut them out of my life. I can't find an icon that matches my mood because I have no mood.

I just spent 6 days in the hospital. In there I got a referral to a free group therapy for survivors of abuse. I'm going to the group monday evening. I feel much better now. I'm still seeing my therapist twice a week for emdr. Thank you everyone for your support.

(((((((VRBA))))))),
I am so sorry you have to go through with this. Yes, it does sound like your parents are in a massive denial. In my family, I have to hear the name of the one who abused me. This really bothers me. I finally told my parents that I want nothing to do with this person nor his family (which is difficult, because his wife is my sister). I am trying to work this out with my T now and may in the future be able to have somewhat of a relationship with my sister, but I'm not sure.
I doubt this is the way to go, but my Mom keeps telling me that she doesn't want to know what happened, she doesn't want to hear it. When I get frustrated, I sometimes feel like giving her a very descriptive, detailed account of what happened so maybe she could understand how I feel. But, alas, I haven't done that. I am starting to take more control over this situation but it is very difficult. I feel for you, let me know how it goes. Until then, I guess I'll keep trudging forward. . .

Vrba, I am glad that you are feeling better!

Soliaree, I am sorry that that happened and that you aren't getting the support that you deserve ........

I never told anyone until yesterday about what my dad did to me when i was a kid but when I was four and eight, other men molested me and were caught in the act, by my brother both times, and anytime my brother (the time I was four, the guy was also abusing my brother on a regular basis) or I talk about it, my mom gets this face like I don't beleive you, you lying witch. I don't get it. SHE was the one that slept with me when I was five until thirteen so my dad couldn't get to me And she thinks I shouldn't ever be upset about what he did to me? She thinks it was okay to stay with the man that did this. Then she gets mad at me when I talk about the two incidents? Even though I know she knows what he was doing to me as a kid, she doesn't want to accept the darn RESPONSIBILITY for what happend to me. She might care for me like your parents love your but unless its happenning to them they don't even know the feeling, or what comes close to it, so the way I see it is that unless its happening to them they don't give a crap. Stand your ground. You are brave for how you handle it. Good job.

Maybe your parents dont want to face up to the fact that you was abused, its ok talking about it on the surface but its another to actualy face it. Also if they are seeing this man then he may be very polite to them and asking how you are doing and how he would love to see you etc and they are fooled by him. Just because they are old now that is no excuse for being stupid.

As for your grandfather (when he dies) you could write a letter to the man who molested you telling him that if you see him there you will inform everyone in a very loud voice that he sexualy abused you as a child and to keep any of their children away from him. I doubt very much that he will go.

Your parents, hmm One of the ways I got my point accross to my mum when she mentioned someone I didnt want to see or talk to was to just put the phone down on her or walk out of the room mid conversation she soon got the message. Or you could write that letter and send it to them also ring them up to let them know that you have sent a letter to them and that could they ring you when they have read it and fully understood it. I would also put in the letter not to underestimate how much this letter and the contents mean to you.

Whatever you decide it must be at the foremost of your mind to keep you safe that you are not to go too far that you cant carry out anything, or that it will affect you adversley.

Soliaree.....

I too was abused by my sisters husband and she stayed with him for many years only getting a divorce when he left her ! She has now re-married and would like to talk to me (after I say sorry for saying that she was just as bad as him for staying with him once she knew, which I wont do) I have no interest in talking to her and used to put the phone down on my mum every time she mentioned it she soon got the point. It was hard as she used to sulk for a bit and ignore me but I realised that she is allowed to sulk and I am allowed to not talk about things I dont want to, she soon came out of her sulk once she realised I would not back down.

Mum and I now have a great relationship albeit 700 miles apart but we talk on the phone most days and see each other twice a year.