Any advice appreciated

Might trigger: Mentions of abuse

Hello,
This is my first post in this section, I'm usually over at the Psych forum. I'm here searching for any and all advice you guys have to offer. My therapy is progressing and we've reached the meat and patatoes. We've talked about emotional abuse and physical abuse, and now it is time for the part that I really, really dont' know how to talk about: SA. How to start, how to say it, how, how, how. Also, was anyone afraid T might believe you? Afraid of everything? I'm so scared and the more I tak to T about abuse the more afraid I get of him even though I know he is not the bad guy. Well, any help will be much appreciated.

((((((( coconut )))))))

It is difficult to talk about and it will stir up old memories and feelings of what happened. Your therapist will be aware of how difficult this is for you and hopefully would have given you some strategies and ways of coping. You are on the healing road.

Focus on what you want to get out of telling your T rather than his reaction? Why would it be helpful to you for you to tell him?

I would start with stating a basic "fact" or two but not be very descriptive to begin with, "My _______ abused me" would do fine for a start? Maybe mention you've never told anyone because _________ or, "I've always felt (it or I) was ___________ (however you feel).

I detect from your abuse issues you might be better of with a woman therapist? At least to get past that subject. Just something to consider.

hurro coconut. nice to bump into you outside the psychotherapy forums! hope this place will be as useful as it is over there (((coconut))).

does your T know that SA is something you might be dealing with? or will it come totally out of the blue?

i flagged it as an issue with my pdoc about 2 years ago, but only started talking about it (a tiny bit) last month. i was scared of *everything*. if he would believe me, if he wouldn't believe me, if he thought i deserved it, if he thought i had asked for it, etc etc etc.

but we have been doing it very gently, and at my own pace. sometimes i just say 'i don't want to talk anymore about that' and we talk about something else.

i have had a lot of questions about pdoc since we opened this can of worms. i have a huge amount of trust in him, but talking about this stuff has made me start to doubt him a bit. but that has been ok, because it's been an opportunity for me to ask a lot of questions about him and he is ok with disclosing to me. so it has built up our relationship more, and also taught me that there really are good guys in this world.

sorry for rambling on, i'm gonna shut up now . good luck with addressing this with your T.

Pegasus,

Thank you for the encouragement. It definetedly has been a very difficult week. I see T twice a week. The first two times we talked about some of the surrounding issues. On Friday T said "Coconut we're dancing around the issue" and he tried to get me to tell him. After sweating, hyperventilating, heart racing and shaking for 45 minutes, only one sentence came out. I feel like such a failure. I know this ain't supposed to be easy but wow I'm amazed at how hard this is and how I have no words. I'm really nervous about going back to T this week and whether or nor I will be able to put all this into words.

Hi Perna,

I only managed one sentence. I said "he was inappropiate" that's all. My T has been encouraging to saw the word abuse (and a few others) but even that's hard. I guess denial is a good thing sometimes. I told him that maybe there are some things that are best not talked about. He said that all this stuff was "holding me hostage". That clicked with me, he is right. Thank you for your support.

He Ferret,

I've only had two Ts and both have been males. When I considered going to therapy, I really didn't want a female T. I dreaded that I would experience her as my mother and I already have too many mother issues. Since we've been talking about the meat and patatoes, I thought about whether it would be easier with a female T. Idk, maybe, who knows. Maybe having a male T will be even more healing for my relationships if I ever manage to heal this. That's what I tell myself. He is gentle, supportive, steady, I have no complaints, well except that he is analytical not warm and fuzzy, but that's another story. Thanks for your response

COCO
You seem to have done a great job so far it may not seem like it now but just look at it this way the meat and potatoes had to be prep right, which inters means you guys had to start from the beginning and while you two was doing that the food was cooking that the bond of the relationship was growing and getting stronger so now its time to eat that means go as slow as you want and now its now to eat but you will be eating backwards ( not intend to be rude)... hopefully i made some sense here...

Hi Deli,
I'm so used to being in the psych forum, that I forgot about this post!!!! Good to see you in these parts too

He knows, he has told me that he has suspect it for some time. In fact we've been dancing around the issue. The memories started a while back. First it was just fear, I didn't know where it was coming from. Then nightmares where someone wanted to hurt me. In my dreams I would get shot, cut up, etc..It was so scary. Then dreams where physical boundaries would get crossed. Etc..I haven't asked T yet, but I think he knew even before I did. It all changed about two months ago when my abuser attacked me. Then it all came clear all of a sudden. It was as if the attack just let everything lose and now it has come out in full force. Well it's still all bottled up and I just can't find the words just yet.

((((((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))))

Hi 0222...

Yes it makes sense! You're right, we had to build trust to get to this point. I've telling myself all this weekend how I just have to use that trust to hold me while I try to find the words. He is there, he is. I'm just really scared.