[SpazKatt]

So... I was "molested" on the bus when I was in 3rd grade... I HATED riding the bus, these older boys would ask me all these questions I didn't understand. Now I know they were about sex. One of the older boys, middle school and elementary school shared the same bus. Anyways one day he put his hand down my pants.... and asked me how it felt, I said wierd, and he lauged and he said no you're supposed to like it! I felt humiliated because he told the whole bus that. I walked home crying and told my mom that a boy called me a bad name, she threatened to call the school and report him but I begged her not to because I was afraid that everyone would make even MORE fun of me. Everyday riding the bus was torture, he'd touch my breasts... I was an early bloomer and I was so embarassed that I had to wear bras in 3rd grade and since we were near the end of the route he'd wait till most of the kids got of to go in my pants.... I knew there was something wrong with this but I was too scared to tell him to stop and if I sat in a different seat near the front he'd threaten to tell what he did to me to everyone on the bus.

I had put this out of my mind for so long I didnt even know that I had been molested, it never really registered until I started having sex and getting scared...and I didn't know why. Then... I was raped this past spring... I was fooling around with guy and I didn't want to have sex because we weren't boyfriend or girl friend. I told him to stop, but he did it anyways... I didn't fight, I just let him do it.. so I feel like I deserve to be raped, he finished and left the room and I cried, at least he had a nice cat that came and cuddled with me. He came back in the room threw my clothes at me told me to get dressed and he'd take me home...

[SweetCrusader]

Katt, I am so proud of you for being brave enough to share this...

And SO VERY sad that it happened to you. That sounds so terrible.

You didn't deserve any of it. You did NOT deserve to be raped. What he did was WRONG, and it was ALL his fault, NOT yours at all.

*safe hugs* ONLY if wanted.


Angela

[h0kie]

(((((Katt)))))

I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you felt safe enough here to share.

I avoided the school bus because kids were awful in high school. I refused to ride it (or let my brother ride it). How can kids be so cruel?

Have you thought about trying to find a t? (You don't have one right?) It might help.

NO ONE deserves to be violated. No matter what they have done. No means no. You did nothing wrong. I know you don't believe that...but its true.

You're in my thoughts.

(((((((((((Katt)))))))))) I'm so sorry for the pain that these people caused in your life!

[wisewoman]

Oh Spaz, I am angry for you. The guy who raped you needs a little operation and the kid on the bus, if you know his name and where he lives, you could write him telling him what an abusive a-- he was and that you are big enough now to tell him to jump off a bridge. Good job for sharing. Can I get my hands on them for you? I am so sorry you experienced these things.

[NoLeafClover]

Hey SpazKatt,
Im sorry to hear about what happened to you,Those bus kids knew what they were doing and they deserve to be punished.WISEWOMEN would be the perfect one to strangle them...lol. I to have been a victem of older school kids harrassing me.Although i have never been raped,only attempted rape.But i think i can relate to you still because i was also molested by my grandfather,So if you ever want to talk im allways here.

[MacD]

(((((spazz)))))...you're such a wonderful person and as long as you keep expressing and learning...the pain will fade...it's amazing, though, how many people have childhood sexual abuse repressed images...you aren't alone and trust me...you never wil be...love grace

[nightdream]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SpazKatt}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Remember you did nothing wrong! It's not your fault!

nightdream

[heatherm]

(((((((((SpazKatt)))))))))

Be proud of yourself for reaching out here hun. You did nothing wrong...I know how hard it is to believe that but try to keep telling yourself how worthy you are.

xoxo

[phoenix30]

Hello,

You should feel incredible proud of yourself that you are able to share that with the people here. What happened to you, both in 3rd grade and more recently are terribe things to happen to someone - never, ever blame yourself for the actions of another human being. Please believe that you are not to blame - I know how difficult and confusing that can be, but it's not your fault in any way, shape or form.

I wish you well...

x

[SpazKatt]

Thank you everyone for all of your support, you have all made this easier for me, I don't feel like such a freak and I am shocked by how many others this has happened to. What cruel world we live in, I just want to get past this and have a normal life!

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( katt )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry that bad things happen to good ppl...and children. i don't understand why...i DO know you didn't do one thing wrong baby.

i'm proud of you to tell what you have so you can get the support you so need and deserve. you're a brave and wonderful young woman.

be safe,

kd

[Mahali]

(((Katt))) How brave you are to share this with us. I am so sorry for your pain. You have taken a big step toward wellness here. Take special care of you.

((((((((((spaz)))))))))) I'm so glad that you are coming to terms with this. This is a huge and difficult step and I am so very proud of you for it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ryan

[LMo]

I'm not normally a hugger, but ((( spazkatt )))

I was also molested in my preteens, and also dealt with a lot of harassment for being prematurely top-heavy. It hasn't made a huge impact on my life -- I am a completely different person now and see my preteen self as if it was someone else's life. But it is heartbreaking to think that young girls like we were end up thinking it was their fault. So many "I should have's"... very very sad indeed.

I'm here if you ever want to talk Spaz...

Love,
LMo

[SpazKatt]

LMO I'm so jealous of that, I'm still struggling. Although I've become much more comfortable in my body even if I'm a bit overwieght.

[LMo]

You and me both, sister. I can truly say I never think about it. In fact, your post 'reminded' me of it -- I had almost forgotten, because it was just one of a string of bad times I had as an adolescent. But as I said, that was a different person -- I feel like I've been "born again", without going through any kind of ceremony or spiritual thing. Only because I'm an adult and that "other person" was just a girl.

About the weight -- eh - screw it. Life is too short to worry about a few extra pounds. We're CUDDLY, by god!

[LMo]

I also want to say that I don't think what I went through was as bad as what you went through, and I was 13, not in 3rd grade. Being a bit older made it somewhat easier to stomach.