[Berries]

How do you let go of the hate?

I hate my abuser.

I can't forgive my abuser.

I won't.

But at the same time I don't want to be a "hateful" person.

I never thought I'd hate anyone or not be able to forgive someone.

But I was wrong.

How do I get rid of the hate and fill my heart with only love?

...time....

[Pomegranate]

Maybe if you try thinking about this from a different perspective it might help. I'm cutting off contact with one of two abusers - the other one is dead. I'm cutting off contact with my brother and his family.

I don't wish them ill, I don't hate my brother but I do hate what he did to me and how much damage it caused me. But I don't feel comfortable around them. I don't feel safe around my brother, my PTSD often kicks in the handful of times we've been alone together as adults.

So most of our lives since we left home, we had little or no conact with each other. I'm now going to end all contact as part of taking care of myself, not hating him. He will probably be as relieved as I will be.

Also it's okay to hate your abuser and be angry about what happened. It's a necessary step on your path to healing, trying to side step all the feelings of rage and hate will only prolong them. Once you have exhausted all those feelings, felt them, only then can you let go of them.

But that does not mean you will feel love for your abuser either. You may, you may not. And even if you do feel love or some good feelings you still may not want to have anything to do with the person. That's okay. And that does not mean that you hate the abuser.

Take care of yourself, don't worry about hating the abuser. Everything will fall into place as you concentrate on healing and taking care of yourself.