[Am I crazy?]

How can you tell the difference between physical child abuse and discipline?
I vividly remember the beatings with the belt until I wet myself when I was a child (many years ago) by my father. I always considered myself lucky as my older brother got it more than I did. My yougest sister never got hit. Now from what I remember it was delt out when we misbehaved. Did we deserve it? I awlays thought it was a bit excessive. I even admitted to doing some things my brother actually did and received the beating inplace of him - this is because he pleaded with me. My brother ened up being a heroin addict. My sister has been divorced twice. I think I am OK. I have a good job - better than my father.
When I was old enough (I think it was about 12) I threatened my father by telling him if he hit me again I would go to the police and have him arrested - he never hit me again - instead he used to threaten me with throwing me out of the house. He constantly used to tell us we were nothing and useless. I would have left but I had nowhere to go.
Recently I was talking with my dad (this is some 40 years later) and I brought up how he used to beat us as children. I was amazed and somewhat stunned as he blankly denied ever having laid a finger on me. In fact he suggested that I am crazy. He is not senile or anything. I was lost for words. I know it happened. I have always been scared of him.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by Am I crazy?

How can you tell the difference between physical child abuse and discipline?
I vividly remember the beatings with the belt until I wet myself when I was a child (many years ago) by my father. I always considered myself lucky as my older brother got it more than I did. My yougest sister never got hit. Now from what I remember it was delt out when we misbehaved. Did we deserve it? I awlays thought it was a bit excessive. I even admitted to doing some things my brother actually did and received the beating inplace of him - this is because he pleaded with me. My brother ened up being a heroin addict. My sister has been divorced twice. I think I am OK. I have a good job - better than my father.
When I was old enough (I think it was about 12) I threatened my father by telling him if he hit me again I would go to the police and have him arrested - he never hit me again - instead he used to threaten me with throwing me out of the house. He constantly used to tell us we were nothing and useless. I would have left but I had nowhere to go.
Recently I was talking with my dad (this is some 40 years later) and I brought up how he used to beat us as children. I was amazed and somewhat stunned as he blankly denied ever having laid a finger on me. In fact he suggested that I am crazy. He is not senile or anything. I was lost for words. I know it happened. I have always been scared of him.

I've had that same conversation with my other and she pretends she doen't remember it as I do... That said, I forgave her for that abuse but she tends to still abuse and manipulate me now which I have pointed out and refuse to be a part of! I refuse to allow her to treat me like that and so our relationship is strained. I love her but sometimes you have to love people from a DISTANCE!

TJ

[Pomegranate]

No you aren't crazy. But abusers are extremely good at making their victims feel that way. Don't expect your father to ever admit what he did. In his sick mind he probably only remembers that he "spanked" you a few times when you "deserved" it. I wouldn't spend a lot of time around him if I were you. Especially after his denial.

[Am I crazy?]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

No you aren't crazy. But abusers are extremely good at making their victims feel that way. Don't expect your father to ever admit what he did. In his sick mind he probably only remembers that he "spanked" you a few times when you "deserved" it. I wouldn't spend a lot of time around him if I were you. Especially after his denial.

I'm sure he justifies himself in his mind like you said. I hope he is feeling guilty and this is why he is denying it. Although I don't hate him, I don't really feel like making time to see him these days. He still scares me even now. I have to wonder how my mother puts up with him. In her time, divorce was never an option and she probably thinks its too late now anyway. They are both in their 70's.
Thanks for your response