Need to talk about the day I told

I was 12 years old. My 6th grade teacher and I would write notes to each other. That day I told her that if the abuse did not stop that I was going to kill myself. While she read my note I was in gym. When my class and I got back to the classroom the school social worker was sitting at the teacher's desk. Her name was Mary.
The teacher went on with the rest of our class...I had to use the bathroom and I signed out and Mary followed me out. I acted as if I did not notice that she was following me. Until she came into the bathroom and asked if I was ok and I told her to just leave me alone. That my parents said that we could no longer talk even if I wanted to...She said not to worry. That my parents would not find out...
We went back up to the classroom and I had just sat down when I was called to the principle's office.
I went there with Mary and I was lead into the office and when i got there I was told to sit down. There was a video camera, a tape recorder and a police officer that I knew. He told me why he was there. And I was scared...If my parents found out that I had told a cop about my cousins and not them that they would be very very angry.
i told him about different times that it happened. Finally he said that he had heard enough and that Mary was going to drive me in the school van to the ER and that he was going to follow us.
Once I got to the hospital I thought I was going to die when they did the rape kit...
I feel that I was the one that was bad because I was the one taken away. And I know that the boys still do it....But I won't tell on them anymore cause nobody believes me....
LLL1985

LLL1985,

Many safe hugs... I believe you

i believe you too. You're not the bad one AT ALL. A lot of times we take on the guilt of our abusers. A lot of times our abusers try to say it's our fault we're abused. A lot of times we think we should be able to control what happens. But we can't. We were children. You're not to blame for anything that happened. You're good.

We all believe you. Please stay safe.

I believe you, and I am soooo sorry that you had to experience these things.

The ones that knew believed me, but nobody helped...

(((((HUGS))))) if you would like them!!

Thank you all for your support......
LLL1985

You were so brave!!!! And I absolutely believe you! I am so very sorry that you were taken away. The people who try to deal with abuse don't always get it right even when they are trying to do their best. I'll bet your teacher didn't want anything like that to happen, but she had no choice when she told about your note. No, it wasn't fair that you were the one taken away. It wasn't handled well, at all. I'm sure they felt it was for your protection, but it doesn't feel like it to you and your feelings are absolutely important! I don't know what your situation is now, but I really hope it has improved. And I really hope that no one else is suffering the way you have suffered. My heart aches for what you have gone through. If you truly believe that other children continue to be hurt, please, please try hard to think of a way to have it stopped. Can you be brave again?

I can not tell anyone. I tried to the parents and they told me not to drag their daughter into my mess. That nothing was going on with their daughter...But yet a couple of weeks ago she tried to kill herself...And I am not allowed to tell her my story..
LLL1985

I believe you too - can you make an anonymous call to child services about the other girl?

were the cousins prosecuted for what they did to you? I hope so.

take care P7 safe hugs if ok

I'm sooooo sorry that you had to go through that. It is really hard to tell people what happens. You are so brave to have done it. Please take care of yourself! We care about you.