[freespirit37]

At the AA meeting today, my sponsor asked how my day was going. I answered her honestly, saying that I had run out of trazodone and I am not sleeping well at night, and then I take the Vistiril for anxiety and it makes me sleep during the day, so I am up and down, cycling between feeling anxious and sleeping.

She said, laughing, "Maybe you should do something else, maybe you should try volunteering somewhere." (She doesn't approve of my work-from-home job.)

We had already been through this. I had already made it clear to her that I could not do these other things she asked of me which were getting an outside job, going to meetings daily, and joining a homegroup. Now she thinks the solution is volunteering, working for FREE when I am behind on my rent and I need to focus on making as much money as I can right now so I can catch up. She also knows that I just applied for disability.

I stewed about this through the whole meeting and when I got home, I sent her this text:

"You asked me how my day went. And I answered you. I wasn't asking for advice, I was just answering your question. I really don't want suggestions anymore. Making another commitment in my life right now like volunteering is just going to overwhelm me. The current issue is that my meds are off and I need to get the trazodone and get back on schedule and volunteering won't fix that. Thank you for understanding."

I'm not going to look at my texts at all the next few days. I have to focus on working. I'm also thinking about giving up on the whole sponsor thing. I think they are all like this. If I wanted someone telling me what to do, I would have stayed married or stayed living with my parents. The whole reason I moved to this new town was to have freedom and start a new life.

[ThunderGoddess]

I know just how you feel. It really doesn't help for people to suggest adding more stuff to your life! I think what you said was really good and straight forward plus you deserve to not be pressured into doing things. I think a lot of people need to learn more about listening and emphasizing more than solving. I hope you have a good week !

[freespirit37]

I ended it with my sponsor. If I get another one, it will have to be someone who understands PTSD and won't pressure me to do things which are too triggering for me. Overexposure to triggers in early sobriety can result in relapse which I am trying to avoid. I'm taking a short break from AA, maybe a week.

My main issue is not alcohol, it is PTSD. I'm in therapy & a support group for PTSD right now. I really need to focus on learning to manage my PTSD and the truth is, AA triggers it a lot. So I'm going to take some time to figure out how I need to work my recovery program.

[Moogieotter]

Nice freespirit! PM if you ever need straight talk on alcohol issues. I've got your back.

moogs

[freespirit37]

Thank you. Right now I feel like alcohol is less of an issue. I took Klonopin for 8 years and it helped manage my anxiety to where I could function at a job. I don't have that anymore. And now I'm dealing with full-blown PTSD. Vistiril just makes me sleep instead which inhibits my productivity.

[Moogieotter]

Sure.

Not sure about PTSD for me. I had some traumatic stress during my last manic episode that haunts me if I let it. Anxiety is rough. It used to drive me batty. Some of it was part of alcohol recovery, methinks. Lots of mindfullness, anti-anxiety techniques (breathing etc), and an SSRI (Prozac) has helped along with extended sober time and patient healing.

Hope you continue to find courage to get better with all of your challenges.

moogs

[ElCambio]

I don't even see how that has ANYTHING to do with your issue. That's annoying. Sorry about that