[freespirit37]

I did plenty of complaining on this forum about my former sponsor. Here is an example:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/12-st...sor-again.html

Because of childhood abuse issues, Parental Narcissistic Abuse by my mother, I am terrified of people whom I perceive to be controlling.

While I was staying at the residential treatment center, I was forced to reach outside for help. I reached out to this girl - the former sponsor. She brought me cigarettes, checked my P.O. box and cashed a check for me, and was supportive about what I was going through. She gave me a ride from the treatment center to the shelter where I am staying now. She also gave me a ride to an AA meeting the other day.

But...
Last week I needed a ride to a town about an hour away for an interview at that sober house. She said she couldn't take me because of car trouble and also because of her son. She is afraid to allow her son around other people so she wouldn't want him riding in the car with me, and only allows her mother to babysit him and doesn't know if her mom would be available.

Then there was another day that I wanted to just get together during the day and use her cell to make important calls and she couldn't because she didn't know if her mom could babysit. I decided I'd just stop asking her for rides.

So...
I had been needing a ride to the sober house where I am moving to in a few days. I had mentioned it to her but did not ask her because of her hang-ups. I added a bunch of friends on Facebook from A.A. and posted that I needed a ride to this sober living house. No one offered.

Then, at my support group at the CSB on Friday, I stated that I needed a ride. A nice lady who had been at the residential treatment center offered. I was so relieved. So I went back on Facebook and posted that I found a ride.

Then my former sponsor texts me wanting to know who was taking me. I told her: "A friend of mine from a support group at the CSB".

Now I'm getting pissed. Why does she care who it is when she wasn't going to take me anyway? And what business is it of hers who it is? I am an adult, I do not answer to her, she is not my sponsor nor my mother!

Am I making too big a deal out of this or what?

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

I'm just really happy that so much is working out for you! Many people in recovery exert a great deal on control. My theory is that we used to try and control our buzzes so much that without the booze, we place that control elsewhere. You and your former sponsor can be subject to this.

I'd just giver her benefit of the doubt and assume she cares, then I'd live and let live. Keep her at a comfortable distance and think about the control that others might be exerting in their recovery. You're in a good place to recognize your own challenges with control. Just continue being gratious and moving forward.

So happy!

moogs

[emgreen]

There's nothing preventing you from seeking another sponsor, or taking on a second one. Certain groups where I live suggest having three sponsors so you can always get a hold of one of them. I've had two controlling sponsors over the years & I "fired" both of them. It's important to get a sponsor with whom you can relate. Your sobriety might depend on it.

[Perna]

I think she was just interested, hoping you got a ride, etc. I wouldn't pay any attention to it especially if she doesn't ask anything more about it, content with your explanation? I would think if you're not asking her for anything or seeking to do anything that eventually the contact with her will get less and less.

[Nicky123]

Hi Freespirit, she is in recovery too and has her own struggles to deal with. I used to get p....d off with my sponsor when I was in early recovery, when I needed her and she wasn't available but I knew I was being selfish and had to realize that she had a life too. As someone said above, it may be good to have a couple of contacts for when one or so are not able to meet your needs. Good luck.

[shortandcute]

She does not owe it you to jump at your every beck and call! The sponsor's job is not to carry you!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by freespirit37

I did plenty of complaining on this forum about my former sponsor. Here is an example:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/12-st...sor-again.html

Because of childhood abuse issues, Parental Narcissistic Abuse by my mother, I am terrified of people whom I perceive to be controlling.

While I was staying at the residential treatment center, I was forced to reach outside for help. I reached out to this girl - the former sponsor. She brought me cigarettes, checked my P.O. box and cashed a check for me, and was supportive about what I was going through. She gave me a ride from the treatment center to the shelter where I am staying now. She also gave me a ride to an AA meeting the other day.

But...
Last week I needed a ride to a town about an hour away for an interview at that sober house. She said she couldn't take me because of car trouble and also because of her son. She is afraid to allow her son around other people so she wouldn't want him riding in the car with me, and only allows her mother to babysit him and doesn't know if her mom would be available.

Then there was another day that I wanted to just get together during the day and use her cell to make important calls and she couldn't because she didn't know if her mom could babysit. I decided I'd just stop asking her for rides.

So...
I had been needing a ride to the sober house where I am moving to in a few days. I had mentioned it to her but did not ask her because of her hang-ups. I added a bunch of friends on Facebook from A.A. and posted that I needed a ride to this sober living house. No one offered.

Then, at my support group at the CSB on Friday, I stated that I needed a ride. A nice lady who had been at the residential treatment center offered. I was so relieved. So I went back on Facebook and posted that I found a ride.

Then my former sponsor texts me wanting to know who was taking me. I told her: "A friend of mine from a support group at the CSB".

Now I'm getting pissed. Why does she care who it is when she wasn't going to take me anyway? And what business is it of hers who it is? I am an adult, I do not answer to her, she is not my sponsor nor my mother!

Am I making too big a deal out of this or what?

It's funny how you want her to treat you like an adult, and yet still be your parent at the same time.

[notz]

A gentle reminder that PC is a support site and posts should reflect this. Please be supportive of each other and the OP.