Sure, everyone fits in if they say they are an alcoholic/addict.

But I PHYSICALLY don't feel like I fit in. I don't feel like I fit in this planet!

First off, I'm a multiple, like in multiple personality....which drives the social anxiety we have.

Talk about like not feeling comfortable in our own skin....we don't. We avoid mirrors, but to have everyone focused on you to even just say your name!?! Ugh!

Even in a small room full of mental patients we are not at ease.

We can't speak without stuttering as stress and anxiety leads to panic attacks and dissociation and DP/DR creeps in.

But I do go at times to sit quietly and not be noticed as much as possible. But then my head buzzes and anxiety clouds my thinking and I can't focus on what's being said, just bits and pieces are heard. It's like ADD kicked in big time.

But, I'm going to try another one here real soon.

[CANDC]

Hi alwayschanging. Congratulations on coming into self acceptance. Much of what you are uncomfortable about are things we all have struggled with. The fact that you don't give up shows me you will find a way.

I isolate too but find keeping busy keeps me out of my head.

Keep on keeping on.

[Mygrandjourney]

The issues we typically have that keep us out of the rooms are often less specific to the program than to the individual. Moving towards self acceptance often leads to increased acceptance of having a place in a greater whole.

We went to our local meeting hall and quite a few turned out. I was hoping to go unnoticed, then they started calling on everyone at the last minute. Guess who was called last? I got passed it with a few words. There's a bigger one down the road some where I can be more anonymous.

[Kendyll]

Around here, you can always just say "I'm glad to be here and I pass". I know AA is working on a pamphlet about mental illness and recovery - maybe that will help other people understand a little better. I hope!!
You say you're multiple? Would it be helpful if it was one of your alter's "job" to go to meetings, then let the others know what was learned? DH had that when he was really separate - Jonathan would handle going to meetings to take the load off of "everyone", and he could check out the folks there to find a couple who were "safe". Do you have anyone in your system who could do that for you?

Yes, you would think. We have a social anxiety disorder, even the idea of saying a word publicly raises anxiety to physical sickness levels. The anxiety rises causing dissociation and massive switching which jumbles up what we're saying which further drives the anxiety to the point of a panic attack, then I go out of body as the body reaches near pass-out.

To make this worse, this isn't my body (it is but it isn't). It's not me that I see in the mirror (ugh) so I can't stand mirrors, then to have everyone looking at me and listening to the body's voice? I can't handle it. None of us can.

It doesn't work for us because we are co-conscience for one which is like share the fear, and the abuse lasted well into our teen years....we are all affected. None of us feel safe.

Even saying "I pass" breaks us out in nervous sweats. It's better to not go, but I do.

[Moogieotter]

I'm proud of you for trying AC2 - so courageous! Just keep taking baby steps. Showing up and listening is 90% of recovery at meetings.

We went to a meeting/dinner tonight. At least we got out. I didn't know anyone, but we were able to feel free. Steve went and we watched.

[Moogieotter]

How are you doing w meetings now, AC2?

It's like we're in seclusion. Our mind is so focused on other things then drinking. We keep each other occupied and with no time to get bored and to think about drinking.

Plus the meds are keeping us centered. So far we've been sober.

[avlady]

i'm happy you are trying to stay sober, it will take alot of patience to get where you want to be, but you can do it. i am sober about 20 years now and have no desire to drink, i gave in one time a few months ago and sipped a small sip of beer and it was so gross to me i would never do it again. good luck

[yagr]

AC2 - I am a multiple with twenty-three years clean and sober. I don't fit in either. Oh, they think we do but we know we don't. Thing is, I don't need to fit in any longer. I'm happier.

Let me say this though, when my six year old alter did her fifth step with me - our lives changed in ways that normal folks could only dream about. We became Team Us - and found that we are more than the sum of our parts. Been that way for over twenty years now.

Originally Posted by yagr

AC2 - I am a multiple with twenty-three years clean and sober. I don't fit in either. Oh, they think we do but we know we don't. Thing is, I don't need to fit in any longer. I'm happier.

Let me say this though, when my six year old alter did her fifth step with me - our lives changed in ways that normal folks could only dream about. We became Team Us - and found that we are more than the sum of our parts. Been that way for over twenty years now.

Thank you for that. OP was ranting it seems. We've done our steps, but that was 8 years ago before any of these mental illnesses were even to begin to be perceived.

Ya, we don't fit in anywhere, but hey, have we ever? Lol.

[charbronte]

Originally Posted by Kendyll

Around here, you can always just say "I'm glad to be here and I pass". I know AA is working on a pamphlet about mental illness and recovery - maybe that will help other people understand a little better. I hope!!
You say you're multiple? Would it be helpful if it was one of your alter's "job" to go to meetings, then let the others know what was learned? DH had that when he was really separate - Jonathan would handle going to meetings to take the load off of "everyone", and he could check out the folks there to find a couple who were "safe". Do you have anyone in your system who could do that for you?

Great about the AA pamphlet on mental illness; I'm having that problem at the church I attend,--endlessly, forever trying to explain, etc. At mtg. today we read BB story of lady "legally blind", I spoke saying I felt the same way as she did, "From the very beginning I felt different and unwanted,I came to the conclusion I was bad...."I said I was a grateful alcoholic because my alcoholism gave me the opportunity to come to AA, and that it's the only place in the entire world I feel fully comfortable; everywhere I go I'm an anomaly, I'm the oldest at AA (84), longest sobriety (43 yrs.), I lived in a community where I was the only one of my race, and at church, no one talks about their mental illness or alcoholism, so I feel unique. I hold onto the God of my understanding, He made me, He love me, He will help me.

[2B/-2B]

Hello AlwaysChanging2.

Alcohol dissolves our fears, that is why they used to call bars 'speak easy's'.
But now we are in recovery. In the beginning, most of us have poor skills in dealing with our fears.
As far as I know, the best way to deal with our fears is to acknowledge them and face them, to face them is to take a risk and do what we need to do to recover.

Remember, first things first, one step at a time.

Also, the 12 Step program is a spiritual program. In other words, it is a program where our faith (trust) gets tested all the time. Have faith that you really will be okay even when you don't feel okay.

One step at a time.

If you really fear being asked to share, you can always ask the chairperson, before the meeting starts, to not ask you to share.
But do not rely on this, people forget.

A good ice-breaker is to hang around before and after the AA meeting. Try and talk with others, or be close at hand so others can include you too into their conversations. You may have to wait until they finish what they are talking about.

We need to take a risk, or we end up drinking again.

Or stay near the meeting entrance and shake peoples hands when they come in. You don't have to say anything. Greeting others is another risk exercise.

Get involved in the kitchen. Wash up after the meeting, lots of friendly people do service, like this, before and after meetings.
Trust that it will get better over time.

Take a risk.

[jacky8807]

Charbronte you rock!!!!

U 2 always!
I feel out of place many places as well because I feel like I am more damaged then those around me and I feel like I have to hide and isolate that
But I think at aa (like the hospital ) a lot of ppl have prob struggled and many probably more than me.
Open up.....you may just be surprised :

[LifeGetsBetter]

I don't fit in either. And, today I don't care. And not caring helps make me feel better.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by Kendyll

Around here, you can always just say "I'm glad to be here and I pass". I know AA is working on a pamphlet about mental illness and recovery - maybe that will help other people understand a little better. I hope!!
You say you're multiple? Would it be helpful if it was one of your alter's "job" to go to meetings, then let the others know what was learned? DH had that when he was really separate - Jonathan would handle going to meetings to take the load off of "everyone", and he could check out the folks there to find a couple who were "safe". Do you have anyone in your system who could do that for you?

You can also say, "I'm (x) and I'm here to listen".