12-step questions

I am curious....

I think that I am a functioning alcoholic. I have my daughters visit every weekend, and I do not drink (nor want one) whenever I have them. However, when they leave, I have some beers. (That's all that I drink) I go to work, and do my job. Come home, to no one, and I have a few beers again.

Anyway, I do not believe in God. And I know that 12-step programs bring God into the equation for assistance in getting through the physical & emotional struggles of becoming clean. How can a person who doesn't believe follow a 12-step program? Honestly, I know that I would be uncomfortable pretending to believe. Has anyone else gone through this? If so, how did you deal with it?

Second question:
How do you prevent yourself to switching to another form of self-harm while stopping drinking? Before I started drinking, I overspent. Before that, I hurt myself physically. Etc.

Hey shezbut,

Welcome to the Addictions > 12 Steps forum!

You are asking the classic questions for sure. Good job in self-honesty.

I was a staunch atheist for most of my life, but have been in and out of AA for 25 years. AA is a good thing for hundreds of thousands of people for decades. It might not be for you. But if you know about a free source of wisdom to help with a problem you are having, but would discount it and avoid it because you worry about it not jiving with your belief system - I would ask myself if this was simply sophisticated rationalization or even denial fuel by my addict brain itself.

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Let's say you were rebuilding an automatic transmission for your car. Would you completely discount decades and hundreds of thousands of people who have successfully done it, and venture out on your own because you heard they use a set of tools that you are skeptical about.

There are secular alcohol recovery groups, but the catch is they are rare - so finding them and participating at the level that many in recovery need can be a challenge.

My question for you would be: What are you willing to change to address your challenges with alcohol?

One of the fundamental issues in my challenges was my belief system. I had to grow at least a little on some sort of spiritual dimension to recover from alcoholism. Does this mean full on conversion and acceptance of an organized doctrine? not even close.

I hope this illustrates for me that all of these principles are inter-woven and I don't know of a way to address alcohol problems an easier way for me. Think back to the transmission rebuild - sure it can be done without a manual and with a butter knife, but there's going to be a great deal more busted knuckles and months or years of struggle.

I like the message in your siggy. For me, "Yesterday's Junk" was my belief system.

For the second question. It's def a challenge. There's free effective wisdom in AA for that too.

Good luck! I'm proud of you!

moogs

I understand. I have an addictive personally. I bought a scratch off just for fun and won $50. After that, I started buying them everyday. I put a stop to it before it got out of control. I still have a problem with shopping, but I have limited my shopping to thrift stores. I won't play bingo because I feel I would get out of control. Over the years I have had to monitor myself. Knowing I have an addictive personality, I take precautions. I also have a few people who help keep me accountable.

Some people use the group as a higher power. The belief that this group of people all working together toward a common goal has much more power than I do on my own.

The total is more than the sum of the parts. In other words if you add up the power of each individual member you get a number. BUT the power of the group is much much higher than that number.

The point is that we as individuals are powerless over our addictions and need a power greater than ourselves (our individual will power) to overcome them. You can define a higher power in any way you want and just ignore the God part. Just substitute god with your own concept of a power greater than yourself.

I know for a fact that a group of people helping me has way more power than my individual will power. I tried for many years and did not have near enough power to overcome them. Lack of power is our dilemma so getting power from whatever source is the solution.

There are also other treatment programs that don't follow the AA model and are more tailored for atheist.

I didn't read this thread but just noticed that it looks like there was a pretty extensive discussion on this topic.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/12-st...-believer.html

Thank you very much for sharing the link, Altered Moment. That did give some helpful information!

teedee59, thanks for your understanding of the addictive personality. Sorry that you've been struggling with it as well though. Glad to hear that you have people that help you through it.

Moogieotter, thank you. I appreciate your support and encouragement!

I also use a group as my higher power, a lot of the time i go to a meeting feeling down and leave feeling better by just listening to others. been in and out of AA for 25 years.Take what you need and leave the rest behind

I is very rewarding to be a member of this group.
Bhola.

***Update***

Well, I've broken up with my bf for good. It has been 2 months, and I've stayed away from alcohol this whole time! I am wondering if my ex-bf was my partner in crime that kept me going to the dark side. Does that make sense?? Is it possible?

I have had offers to drink a few times now, and haven't taken them up. Does that say anything??

Nicely Done shezbut!

How have you feeling? Thanks for the update. How have the meetings been going?

Building new positive relationships can make recovery faster and easier.

moogs

It says that you are committed to sobriety and yes, perhaps your BF was enabling you. I hope you can find the support you need to maintain this!

I have been feeling pretty good, thanks. I haven't been going to meetings, because I'm not a religious person. I have been working out daily & have increased my outdoor walks considerably.

I do have a new bf, who doesn't drink either. He isn't an "anti-drinker", he just....doesn't drink. So, that does make not drinking easier for me.

I think that you're right. My ex was definitely an enabler. Even though he knew that I was trying to avoid drinking, he'd still always offer & kind of push me to drink some beers.

Thank you!

Well done shezbut!