deep dark hole

In the deep dark hole, I am blinded. I can barely speak for myself, but I believe that the mind and body are one. Everyone is unique, though, and science and spirituality practices have not captured a way to perfectly match therapies to individuals. I feel resigned more and more, but I want to fight that. I want to feel not depressed. I can't remember life without waves of worse depression over a baseline of depression. Maybe that is my life, and I must simply accept it. Maybe the fight is futile. But here I am, fighting. trying meds, meditation, yoga, CBT.

Well here I am back from last time & feeling worse. I do not know how I am going to get thru christmas with this heavy weight on me. I see the doc on tues. but honestly I am not going to tell him the truth, because I cannot end up in the hospital for christmas. This would not be fair to my family & I would feel guilty. So I keep going on like a zombie pretending to be alright.

it seems logical to take care of oneself to better give to others, but it is hard to follow that logic. Especially when work and family expectations seem to demand sacrifice. How much sacrifice is too much? that is always my question. I want to be able to draw the healthier line. And yes, the holidays come with heavy expectations. I hear you.

Did ECT work for you?

are you seeing a therapist?

Feeling worse than ever i am so tired of this & do not think i can go on anymore. I cannot think straight & cannot remember what i want to say half of the time. Please pray for me. Even losing my marriage now.

This is a tough place to be. I am praying for you

Pacots, I will keep you in my prayers. Please hang in there.