[pearlys]

Hi there. I've been suffering from depression since puberty I guess (i'm now mid 40). Although I had some happy times in the past, the last couple of years I suffered from anhedonia and since about a year I'm severely depressed. I have been hospitalized for a couple of weeks, had intensive treatment but it seems that nothing works. All the theories, having a regular day schedule, go outside 2x/day, dont stay in bed etc. etc. schema therapie, medication. I just like it doesnt make any sense at all anymore Why should I get out of bed if i dont see the sense of living, if there is absolutely nothing that brings me joy. Im on escitalopram since 3 weeks, 10mg in the morning and 7.5mg mirtazapine at night for sleeping. It does nothing yet, not even side effects (except maybe that I dream more).
The only thing I want is to numb myself, just dont feel anything. Im to coward to end my life and deep inside i dont want it, i just wanna live, be happy, enjoy, work. I just cant get out of this black hole...

[gayleggg]

Hang in there. I, too, suffered for a long time with depression and only recently got some relief. It came with another change in meds and I didn't have much hope since none of the others worked but this one did and now the depression has lifted. I still have bad days but it's so much better. You just never know what a difference the next thing you try might make. Don't give up. They are coming up with new medications everyday.

[Fizzyo]

Hang in there. If you have been better than this before, maybe it can happen again. I real feel for you. Be kind to yourself.

keep going. you are doing really well just by being here

you never know if another med could help you. a different type of therapy? St John's Wort? ECT?

i think it's worth putting in that i have severe depression also, and the meds Remeron and Seroquel seem to really be helping me and lifting my mood.

[pearlys]

I have been way better than this even without meds. Its just that i have so many issues beside my depression that actually feed my depression. I wrote them in another post. Does the remeron nake you extremely tired 8888?
Om not feeling enthousiastic for ect. And that probably is not going to solve my vulnerabilities for approval/rejection/etc. Does it?
I really hope the meds soon start to work, im so desperate for a relief of my suffering

I kind of feel like nothing is working either. ECT only keeps me out of severe depression. I still have mild-moderate depression even with the ECT. Very frustrating and discouraging. It has gotten very old to deal with this suffering for so long. You are not alone.

[Fuzzybear]

[pearlys]

I hope for all of us suffering that much, one day we will feel better. Im 3 weeks on escitalopram 10mg nog, doesnt doe anything, on the contrary.. i just wanna be alone. cant be with people..

[pacots]

This is exactly how i feel. Right now i am in the deep dark hole. Every antidepressant only works for a few months. When i do get out of bed i feel like a robot doing the same thing everyday. Nothing gives me pleasure or happiness. Like you i am too scaredto do anything but many times i feel like i do not want to live the rest of my life this way.

Originally Posted by pearlys

I have been way better than this even without meds. Its just that i have so many issues beside my depression that actually feed my depression. I wrote them in another post. Does the remeron nake you extremely tired 8888?
Om not feeling enthousiastic for ect. And that probably is not going to solve my vulnerabilities for approval/rejection/etc. Does it?
I really hope the meds soon start to work, im so desperate for a relief of my suffering

yes the remeron does make me tired, so i take it at night. that way i sleep well.

[pearlys]

I also take the remeron at night. I think there is nobody in this world that takes it in the morning.

[vital]

Originally Posted by pearlys

Hi there. I've been suffering from depression since puberty I guess (i'm now mid 40). Although I had some happy times in the past, the last couple of years I suffered from anhedonia and since about a year I'm severely depressed. I have been hospitalized for a couple of weeks, had intensive treatment but it seems that nothing works. All the theories, having a regular day schedule, go outside 2x/day, dont stay in bed etc. etc. schema therapie, medication. I just like it doesnt make any sense at all anymore Why should I get out of bed if i dont see the sense of living, if there is absolutely nothing that brings me joy. Im on escitalopram since 3 weeks, 10mg in the morning and 7.5mg mirtazapine at night for sleeping. It does nothing yet, not even side effects (except maybe that I dream more).
The only thing I want is to numb myself, just dont feel anything. Im to coward to end my life and deep inside i dont want it, i just wanna live, be happy, enjoy, work. I just cant get out of this black hole...

Hi pearlys,

Here's my best advice for that

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

There are many things to try, including "SNAP CLUB" and lots of things that are great for your health anyway.

I was also depressed for many years and the usual things that are prescribed by Drs. (basically antidepressants and therapy) did not work for me. The meds often don't work, or will work for a while and then stop working because of oppositional tolerance. I think that it really helps to actively try to find new things yourself and not wait for the experts to find some magic drug combination that may never come.

- vital