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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Posts: 668
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#1
(and this is NOT a SUI post).
What do you do if you wish you were dead (but aren't planning on making that happen)? But you wish (with every fibre of your being) that you were, ya know.....not here. Gone. You have a job, bills to pay, one friend you can see on a semi-consistent basis, couple of other friends you hardly ever see for various reasons (geography, their life situations, etc.) no life partner and you feel like shyte about yourself so no interest in trying to find one, and you really, really, REALLY see absolutely no point in your existence and want an END to the struggle, strife and pain in your life. And meds don't do diddly. And you're not getting any younger. What do you do? - And I'm asking this in all seriousness. Thanks. Last edited by FooZe; Apr 23, 2016 at 02:36 AM.. Reason: added trigger icon |
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AllHeart, Anonymous37790, Anonymous37954, Anonymous50909, Anonymous59365, Fizzyo, Fuzzybear, pfeffa, Yours_Truly
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AllHeart
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#2
http://forums.psychcentral.com/grief...de-friend.html
Do me a favor and read this thread, and read it again slowly... |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: Colorado
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#3
I struggle with the very same question. I can only say it is the slight hope that things will get better that keeps me going. (Plus I do have two children who would be devastated were I to cease to exist). Things have not always been this bad and it could be that things will not always be this bad. What is the need that is going unfulfilled? Is there any action I can take to meet that need? Even if it fails, taking some action in that direction could have salutary antidepressant effects. The key is to no longer feel helpless and trapped.
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#4
I did what you do and I wish for some kind of...unconsciousness.
I told my husband. Sometimes I don't wish for it now. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Ontario
Posts: 17
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#5
I feel the same way. But I think mostly just thoughts about if I was gone and how people will feel and what they would say.
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Living Entity
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: La La Land
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#6
I feel that way from time to time. But really, I don't want to not be here, I want my life and health to be better. Sometimes it seems like those are the only alternatives when in reality they are not. Please don't dwell on those thoughts too long. It doesn't take much to start thinking NOT being can be a reality, and we certainly don't want that!
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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#7
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
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#8
You carry on through the painful drudgery, taking all the meds to try to numb reality. Holding on to a sliver of hope that a spark of light may brighten a day. Waiting for an end to come and bring relief.
Dave. __________________ You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers, To the shapes we now possess. The Sage. Emerson, Lake and Palmer. |
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Fizzyo, Fuzzybear, Yours_Truly
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Mondayschild
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#9
Truly? I would sell up, pool all my money and emigrate. I'd look for a semi religious community (as in people who have taken vows and work on the land or in a hospital or teaching or with the homeless) and live and work there, trying to do something useful til I died naturally. But I have a dependent and can't. When that changes, my plans are different. If you can't find a reason or person to live for, then find something and somewhere to give. For you it could be working with animals or rescuing orphan children or whatever. But find your thing. You sound like a good person, and I always enjoy reading your posts. I'm sorry you feel so sad.
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lavendersage, shezbut
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Posts: 668
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#10
Quote:
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Fizzyo
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Fizzyo
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: UK
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#11
I hear so much pain Lavendersage.
I share those wishes, even though I am so very blessed in many ways. It's not fair, people who want to live get terminal illnesses and people who want to escape the pain have to keep going. Sorry I can't help with suggestions, all I can do is take each day sometimes 15 minutes at a time. Every fibre in me is wishing you some relief, some respite. (((((((Lavendersage)))))))) |
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EnglishDave
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Jan1212, lavendersage, Mondayschild, shezbut
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Posts: 668
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#12
Quote:
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Fizzyo
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Jan1212
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
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#13
I totally understand these feelings. I feel like I've been born with a death wish. It's constantly in my brain, even when things are good. I've thought about it since I was 15yo & it's never left my side.
But 80% of my life has been a struggle & I really don't see any improvement coming, but do see things getting more difficult. My life is miserable & all I see is misery. I curse the morning & put my head down to get thru it. Such a painful existence is a living torture. I pray for the end. Soon. I don't expect others to understand it. So I don't talk about it. Will my existence of particle matter of life make a difference to humans in general? No. Matter fills space & then is returned to its natural form. Sorry. I feel your pain. __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
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Fizzyo, Hope 51, Yours_Truly
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Jan1212, lavendersage
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#14
I pay my bills, save money for my jchikd, take child to program, play dates wow it's all about my kid. Yeah it's not an option for this mom. But yes I want a break from reality, work, family drama, illnesses, bills , classes and chores. Maybe for just half a day I want to go into third person mode of view
please DO NOT quote ANY SELECTION of my post. thank you. have a good day. |
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Fizzyo, Yours_Truly
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
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#15
you keep putting one foot in front of the other, see your therapist, and see what actions you can take to slowly make life worth living.
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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#16
((((((((( lavendersage )))))))))
I'm with you in that I'm beyond tired of this unremitting pain. (I've tried therapy.. Many years of it, it made me "worse" ) I too wish I was no longer on this planet __________________ |
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Fizzyo, Hope 51, lavendersage
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Member
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#17
Quote:
To anyone reading this, I'm not advocating anything, simply I have contemplated this as well.. I know depression lies to us, in your case it sounds like you can't find your own value in the world... Depression tells us we don't have any... We do, we all have value and sometimes we have to dig really deep to find it... I'm a mother and a wife,.my value was tied up into that for so long that I essentially disappeared into myself.. Ive had to essentially find myself, as corny as that sounds because it wasn't enough for me to live just because I have a husband and kids... I know that sounds callous and selfish, it is..but depression doesn't make logical arguments... When was the last time I was happy that had nothing to do with my roles as a mom or wife? It had been a long time.. That isn't to say I'm skipping down the yellow brick road as progress is slow and sometimes moves at a snails pace. life is a beautiful lie |
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Fizzyo, Yours_Truly
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lavendersage
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Location: Australia
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#18
I feel this every day. I have a son and a partner and it never matters how many times I tell them, or others, how I'm feeling everyone just seems to brush it off with the age old "it'll get better". Except it hasn't gotten better, not in almost 20yrs and I'm only 29
I guess I just keep hanging on to hope for my son and because despite the lies depression tells me, I don't really want to be gone; I just want to be rid of these god awful feelings. And I know what helps me feel better. I just can't do any of it without help which I don't have and can't get. That in itself creates a vicious cycle which adds to my already horrid depression. __________________ Curiosity didn't kill the cat, the cat killed curiosity. |
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Fizzyo, Yours_Truly
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#19
I honestly don't know what you do....because I feel the same way so much of the time. I am searching for meaning...desperately. I just need a little sliver of meaning, but it's so hard to find.
Seesaw |
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Anonymous37790, Fizzyo, lavendersage, Yours_Truly
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: UK
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#20
It's so hard, I know! (((((((((seesaw)))))))) You have done so well to get that job. Kudos for that, but I'm so sorry it's such a struggle.
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lavendersage
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