Talk me down?

I've reached the point where ending it all seems like a rational and viable option. At the same time, I'm horrified at the very thought. Horrified that I could even think such a thing.

I can't be the only one. How do you live with fighting this internal battle every day, hour to hour, and not become exhausted by it?

Well... I'm an older person. So perhaps that makes a difference? But I've fought this battle for many years now. I wish I knew some secret I could share with you on how to cope. You are correct in writing it can be exhausting.

Of course the first line of defense is, I would guess, having someone to talk to on a regular basis, presumably a therapist. (I don't believe one's family & friends can do this on an ongoing basis.) And then, beyond that, I think it's important to find something you love that can give you a reason to go on as well as something to occupy your thoughts. Perhaps this might be a hobby or a cause of some sort. But, at least to my way of thinking, you can't simply stop feeling like you want to end it all. (Don't we wish!) You have to substitute something else. And the only "something else" that is likely to stick, I would think, is something you love.

Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, that talk about suicidal thoughts & how to handle them including a quiz you can take to help you determine your level of risk. The first 2 articles are by DocJohn:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide Screening Quiz

Please take care.

you are certainly not the only one.
it is a common feeling when depressed, why live?. what's their left in life for me?

and I think that's what you should ask yourself. what is in your life that you are living for, and if you ended it who would be affected?

also think have I explored all options. have I tried everything out their that can help me

((((hugs))))

plus if you try and fail, well, their could be more complications (depending on how you try)

I agree with some of Skeezyks' suggestions. A hobby or a cause of some sort, something that you love. And ideally a good therapist to talk to on a regular basis. A good ''support system'' is also recommended. Please take good care.