[Caramel]

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel there is more pain than pleasure? How do you tell if this pain is part of a normal, it takes a lot of work, marriage; or if this is the kind of pain I would be happier divorced from?

Dealing with treatment resistant depression have made these questions impossible to answer. I also imagine that one person's pain is different than another persons, so it's hard to judge for someone else.

If you are familiar with Eckhart Tolle's writing you will be familiar with his description of the pain body, and how destructive it can be to a relationship. I am tired of my relationship being such a struggle.

Caramel

[lynn P.]

If you have a therapist he/she could help you sort this out. I think you need to determine if the problems are coming from you - for example it could be your perception from how you see things due to your depression or the baggage form your upbringing/past relationships. Or they could be from his issues and your issues together.

I think making a list would be helpful - a pros and cons list of staying together vs living alone. For example a partner could be great but if the other partner is deeply depressed, they can't appreciate those good qualities and everything 'seems' awful. I understand how it all seems so confusing. If a partner have bad qualities like substance abuse or they're verbally/physically abusive, then the decision is simple. Wait for when you're not having a bad day and try to make the list realistic rather than emotional

[Caramel]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

If you have a therapist he/she could help you sort this out. I think you need to determine if the problems are coming from you - for example it could be your perception from how you see things due to your depression or the baggage form your upbringing/past relationships. Or they could be from his issues and your issues together.

I think making a list would be helpful - a pros and cons list of staying together vs living alone. For example a partner could be great but if the other partner is deeply depressed, they can't appreciate those good qualities and everything 'seems' awful. I understand how it all seems so confusing. If a partner have bad qualities like substance abuse or they're verbally/physically abusive, then the decision is simple. Wait for when you're not having a bad day and try to make the list realistic rather than emotional

Hi lynn P.,

Your response was extremely helpful. Thank you!

I worked with a therapist for 5 years on personal issues as well as my marriage. Your answer helped me see that the reason I am confused is that I am recovering from depression, and I don't feel good enough to work. My thinking needs to become more clear and I need to work to support myself.

This statement from your response is profound: "If a partner have bad qualities like substance abuse or they're verbally/physically abusive, then the decision is simple." You are correct!

Caramel

[Ayesa101]

It's all part of being in a relationship.