Mother-in-law Troubles

I have been married for 19 years and struggle with feeling accepted by my mother-in-law. After 4 years of therapy, I still can not get over her. She is very judgemental and because of that, I feel that is all she sees is the bad in me. I have quit trying to please her, but always dread our time together. Fortunately, we do not live close and see each other a few times a year. However, just writing about this or thinking about our relationship just causes me stress. My t says I take her personality issues and personalize it that I am unworthy by her standards. This is really a stopping point for me and I really want to get over it. Does anyone else have this problems and how do you deal with it?

I have the same problem and am struggling to accept the fact that we will never like or really be acceoting of one another. She recently moved to where she'a a few hours from us and now it's been causing issues with my marriage. My husband keeps hoping that we could work things out, but it has become clear this past year that it will not be possible. She basically thinks of me as evil incarnate and every move I make is some attempt to split their family up. Right now I am just trying to allow my husband the ability to have a decent relationship with her (even though he gets upset almost every time they talk and he's never going to get the love, respect, and acceptance that he desires) and keep safe and healthy bounderies for our child. I wish I could give you more hope, but you definitely arn't alone. My husband and I have known each other for almost 10 years now and been married 4. The best advice I can give is focus on keeping the ability to be civil with her (I'm starting to lose this battle and it just adds stress for my hubby), and try not to discuss it too much with your spouse as it will jut cause more tension. T's are great to vent too.

Thanks for your thoughts. It is a struggle to have a positive relationship when it is such a complex one. Some mother-in-laws can be so in your life and yet mine is not and I am grateful for that. I have come to realize her own insecurities and struggles and yet I see myself judging her as much as she is judging me. I am trying to have more compassion for her. I guess I just want to win her over, but just have to accept that I may never do that.

I use to really want a relationship with my MIL because mine was so broken with my own mother. I use to think we got along rather well, even though I'd done some things that upset her. It wasn't until recently that I learned her thoughts towards me. I wish I could go back to where I was blissfully unaware. But I can't and I can't handle being around someone who thinks that when I'm being nice it's part of some evil ploy. I just don't know how to tell my husband this in a non-confrontational way and have him not get upset with me. Thankfully he's is the military, and hopefully we'll get stationed elsewhere in the next few years and it won't be such a problem.

Sorry, I'm probably not helping much and kinda thread jacking.

It is a hard relationship for many and I am sure we are not alone. I have been considering how to approach our relationship for a long time. I believe that I am a good person whether she thinks so or not. I do not need her to approve of me to make me okay. I guess I mourn the relationship that we could of had and try to remember that I am loved whether I feel it from her or not. I am accepted and liked by others.

Tomorrow I will be visiting with her and my father-in-law for about 4 hours. I am wanting to feel opened minded when I see her.

I am going to practice all those things I have learned from my t and let it go

Will see how it goes.

I'll be thinking of you. Let me know how it goes.

I know my mother-in-law doesn't consider me her favorite person. However, at least she doesn't criticize me to my face. If she did, then I know I'd get my buttons pushed because my own mother has always been very critical of me. So, I can understand how you would be bothered by that.

I try to think of old mother-in-law jokes to help me. My favorite: What is the definition of "mixed feelings"? Answer: "Your mother-in-law driving over a cliff in your new Cadillac."

I know my mother-in-law doesn't like it that my husband listens more to me more than to her. She had a close, I'd say even unhealthily close relationship with my husband for years--and then I came along. I was then number 1 in his life.

I so need to look up more mother-in-law jokes. That was amazing PAYNE

Thanks for the ideas. I did survive my time with my mother in law. I am trying to not analyze our time together because that is what seems to get me in trouble. She too does not really criticize me, but she talks so critically about others that I have assumed she does or thinks the same of me.

Thankfully, I will probably not be seeing her for a few more months. Time to stock up on those jokes, I am sure there must be a website or something with a few.

Krose, you can just google "Mother-in-law jokes"!