Would you give your bff a bra?

My bff, who lives abroad, has sent me some of her pictures. She looks really nice on them, but her large breasts need better support than her bra is providing. Her birthday is in Dec, right after mine, and I will see her in Dec, a couple of weeks after her birthday. It occurred to me that I should get her measurements and buy her a good bra at Nordstrom's when I go there to pick out a bra for myself.

I have known her since adolescence.

I have not called Nordstrom's to find out if underwear is returnable. If it is not, I am not going to spend close to 90 dollars on something I cannot return. But if it is returnable, do you think it would be an appropriate birthday present or would I be crossing some boundaries? She will be turning 43.

Unless it's something she's expressed interest in before, it might be taken as an insult, or means of manipulating her.

Maybe she wants to show off her 'assets.' Check out the MailOnline out of the UK to see how every movie star or celebrity is 'displaying her ample curves' as they like to term falling out of your shirt.

Hers do not fall out of her shirt - they hang too low on her body. She needs support. She is a pretty modest person who has never showed off - and she has plenty to show being a curvy/skinny natural blonde, but she is just a modest person.

I think it sort of depends what your boobs look like. LOL. If you are busty too and you have talked about how hard it is to find a good bra etc, it might be okay. Otherwise it might be offensive.

Just my 2 cents as a busty girl.

Best,
EJ

Yeah, I think I fall in this category, more or less, probably on the "less" side (E-F) . So I will phrase it the way you suggest. But first I need to find out about the returns.

she might be glad of it, maybe she can't afford or find good fitting bra

wow lol. never had a friend asked me to get her a nice bra for a bday present. i wouldnt know what to do i would think if she likes girls and likes me in that sort of way, etc i would have all kinds of thoughts running thru my head lol.

You are so funny.

I have to try about a million bras before I find one I like. Maybe she likes how she looks, it's a matter of taste. I think there have been enough Oprah shows, etc, that any halfway educated woman appears the way she wants. Otherwise, it's gonna take therapy sessions, too. I think you're a little hyper and extending your wanting or need to mother to your friend.

But have not there also been Oprah shows or Oprah magazine publications about how a staggering percentage of women wear a wrong size bra? I know that I did, until I started shopping at Nordstrom. Cheap stores such as Target simply do not carry my size - if I want my band (34-36, depneding on weight), I would only get A-C cups. I want my cup size (E-F), then the band would be 40-42. So it is either Nordstrom or, for another model in a different color, Internet. Say if I found a model with the help of a Nordstrom fitter and bought it, I can then find another color in that exact model online.

So you try so many before finding what you need... yeah, probably it is not something that one can buy without trying, like footwear.

Now I get what you were about! Are you thinking of some frilly lacey sheer number? No, what I have in mind is no-nonsense support. They do not make frilly numbers for bigger sizes. Victoria Secret only goes up to D. And looking at the selection of all sorts of bras, bralettes and what not for smaller sizes, I notice that, paradoxically, 80% of the whole bra industry caters to women who can confidently go braless.

OMG so true about the 80% comment! Victoria's Secret really only caters to a part of the population, which has always baffled me. If you specialize in bras, shouldn't you really cast a wider net? I get bras at Lane Bryant and they have a style that works for me. They also have a few lingerie things for those special occasions.

Best,
EJ

That is very good to know - one hopes that one day I, too, will have "those special occasions". Thank you!

I hate to dissuade you as I think it is a really nice thing to do to help a friend look and feel her best. I know however how hard it is even for myself to find one, even when I try them on, I can't imagine someone else being able to find one in the right size EVEN with the best of intentions. As you describe her in the picture it is an indication that if you asked her her size, it sounds like she either does not know what size she is supposed to be wearing, or the bra has worn out (she has not noticed or does not care), so you might be up a creek even if you asked her size. You could however broach the subject with her about how you went or need to go shopping b/c you noticed how some of your own bras are wearing out, they don't fit like they should, it would be nice to get a good fitting again, etc. and see if this opens the conversation up on her end, may she might get to thinking about it. This might help you to help her inadvertently.

As a friend, I would appreciate your concern and in wanting to help me feel and look better, but this is something that I think we have to do for ourselves just because of how they fit. It is really nice of you though.

Thank you, Fresia... OK, I will get her something that does not require sizing and fitting - a pendant on a chain or something of that sort. Sounds good?

Almost cried over your post. I know you mean well, but your friend was kind enough to send you pics, and your impression is.. her boobs are wrong!

And since you guys haven't even seemed to talked about bras, you don't know if she's happy with what she has. Maybe she is. Maybe it is comfortable for her. And yea, based on that the subject hasn't come up, I do think she would feel really hurt if you went buying her a bra. It's like saying, sorry, but how you dress is simply not good enough for me.

If you really want to do this, it's better to give her a gift card to a place that have a wide range of bras but maybe one or two other things as well to choose from. That way she can if she like, go there and have a real fitting, and if not wanting a bra, choose another gift.

Definitely a bra would be an "iffy" gift, unless she expressed interest in one. Like other folks, I have to try on a bunch before I find one I like. I finally got some that fit me better last year. I tended toward the droopy ones, too, but before I had a breast biopsy, I was told I needed certain kinds. As JimRat said, maybe a gift certificate to a store that sells bras and other things. Or go the pendant route, if you actually want to give something tangible.

My mother had a friend who gave her underwear for Christmas, and the card was signed by the friend and her husband. My mother was really surprised. She said she wasn't comfortable with the husband being involved, plus evidently her friend had been sizing her posterior up and decided what size she needed! They actually fit! We still laugh about it!

(Sorry for a little off topic) my BFF gave me something sexy for my bachelorette party. She explained that she had her husband pick it out! I was a little creeped out (although he is totally innocent and nerdy). Another friend said that maybe she wanted to get me something that a man would like. I love my BFF, but she is quirky!

EJ

((((HB)))) I think it is really sweet that you want to help your friend look and feel her best; however, unless she specifically mentioned something, I probably would not go there. Perhaps, when you next get together, you can go shopping and find something for yourself...it may spark an idea in her. Salespeople are brilliant at getting people to purchase stuff...maybe when you wander in to (wherever), they will give her a lil nudge.

You are a good, caring friend

Yeah, that's an idea. If you can go shopping together and say you need to look at getting some bras, then maybe she will decide she needs some, too! Fancy places even have ladies who measure women who are interested to see what size they need!

Oh I always do this. They say that the size changes every six months, and I have seen my size change by a whole cup.

So a hand-made bead necklace as a present - sounds good, no? Made by me. better than a commercially produced bra.

Someone beat me to it, but I was going to suggest a gift card, too. Maybe I'm just different than most women, but I wouldn't be insulted (I don't think) if I were given a bra as a gift. Maybe if I made it a habit of not wearing a bra around others, I might take it personally (they're disgusted by my braless personality, LOL!).

I buy my bras at Walmart, because that's what I can afford. Another problem I have is that the hooks (usually the bottom one, sometimes two) get bent in the dryer. I've tried using a laundry bag (or whatever it's called) meant for bras and jackets with zippers, but then the bras (and jackets) don't dry very well. I have large breasts (I'm not even sure what they are now...I've found both D and DD bras that fit), which are very saggy (I have very low self-esteem over this), and I'm sure part of that is due to not wearing more expensive, better supported, bras. Of course, it's probably more due to my weight gain and age, but they were starting to sag in my 20's.

I never put bras in the dryer. I thought it is not allowed. I hand-wash and air-dry.

For me, it depends on the friend.... I had a friend that I went shopping with once, and she bought a whole bunch of lacy thongs. When she was my bridesmaid, I bought her a lacy thong that said "Bridesmaid" on it, but I didn't feel comfortable getting any of my other bridesmaids something like that. And, in all things wedding related, I think it's fine to give under garments as gifts. I'm kind of curious about the previous poster who said the boyfriend helped pick it out.. Did he know he was picking it out for someone else? My husband wanted absolutely nothing to do with the thong, and I think he'd be of a similar mind giving any other similar gift to anyone...

Fun facts about Victoria's Secret... The CEO is a man. I've never been impressed with their bras or their lingerie. And keep in mind that they have a very limited selection of bras... They really only cater to "average" sized girls... I'm a 32 C, and I have trouble finding bras there (or anywhere for that matter... If you're a 32, youre "supposed to be" an A, maybe a B... Even a D is better than a C... Men and wishful thinking is my guess..)

I think a hand made gift is a wonderful present! I'm sure she'll appreciate it much more than anything you could have bought her! Leave the bra issue alone until the next time you get to see her, or if it happens to come up in conversation.