A bridesmaid? I don't even know you!

Hey guys,

I would REALLY appreciate your help with my current dilema...

A while back this girl that helps run the karaoke where I work told me she had recently been engaged. After I congratulate her, give her a hug, she asks me if i would be one of her bridesmaids. She says "I know we're not really friends and we don't hang out, but I don't have a lot of girlfriends and you seem like someone that I'd really get along with". So pretty much out of pity, and due to the fact that I have no backbone sometimes, said yes...

Months have passed (im not even sure how many, thats how much I don't care about this). And the more time that passes the more I think...I dont know her, and I don't really have any urge to be friends with her or try to be friends with her. She knows no one I know, she's only ever asked me to hang out once and it was at my work where she invited the rest of the bridesmaids and I don't know any of them. I don't know her family, I know her fiancee but I only met him a few months before her, and have never hung out with him or them together ONCE besides at work.

The whole situation makes me really uncomfortable and I know the whole day I'd just be an anxious and socially awkward mess!

How do I tell her that I don't want to be in her wedding? I'm flattered she picked me, but I don't know her or really care to get to know her...

Thinking of the confrontation alone is making me panic But I know i have to do it...it just feels like the right thing.

Pretty please throw advice at my face

Yep, you don't know her, don't care to know her, and I highly doubt being subjected to a room filled with strangers, most of them her family and is, is something someone in your position would want to subject themselves to.

Well, the sooner the better, as far as stepping down from the bridesmaid duties, would be ideal. That way, she can make arrangements for an alternate or to just eliminate the number in her bridal party.

Do you see her, often where you work? Can always say, that plans change and that though you sincerely appreciate the offer, you are unable to be there.

I'm sure, others will have some better ways on how to express this need to not be her bridesmaid!

Yeah, the whole situation just makes me super uncomfortable. And to answer your question about how often i see her, i never see her at my work anymore. They stopped running the music for the karaoke and I bet it's been close to 4 or 5 months since i've seen her or even said a word to her! She never messages me or calls to hang out, not that I'm upset by that... but why would you even want someone that doesn't ever contact you to be one of their bridesmaids?

If she hasn't messaged you or talked to you about it, pretend like nothing happened. She'll likely go on with the wedding without you.

If she's asking you about it, just be polite and say you're not interested. It won't hurt her feelings, it's not like she'll care.

Funny, usually that's exactly what I would do! Get out of my head haha

I hate confrontation, but for some reason in this situation I feel like I should not avoid telling someone I'm uncomfortable. I don't know why, but I actually think I should deal with this one. Maybe because I've been really trying to do things that usually make me anxious so I see that I'm going to come through the fog and still be alive.

I guess what I'm struggling with is what exactly to say to her? I know that if I don't figure out what I'm going to say, I won't go through with the confrontation. And you know she's nice, and I know your wedding is supposed to be a happy time, so I think I kind of owe it to her to be honest. I don't want to make her feel stupid for asking me. But there's no way I can go through with being in the wedding. And the way I see it, i don't really want to be friends anyways, so it wouldn't bother me if she's was upset by it, (well I would at the initial confrontation). But I still feel its better to be up front with her.

Thanks your your inputs so far I appreciate it so much.

Confrontation is a funny thing, like that! It's not that you don't want to say anything, but don't want to say the wrong thing.

If you haven't seen nor heard from her in 4-5 months, the text route sounds a good way to go.

Something along the lines of, I know we haven't talked in a while. But, I won't be available in (month)(year).

If she asks why, the word 'available', leaves you open to say whatever comes to mind, first!! I have some family obligations or something along that line, without making too big of an excuse ordeal should work.

I would do nothing unless you hear from her - if you do, I would say you didn't think she was serious and you don't know her well enough.

My bridesmaids were my closest friends, I can't imagine having someone I hardly knew.

At first I was thinking maybe I should meet with her face to face, but screw it...I guess if I don't care if we're friends, texting or even facebook would probably be ok. I went over and over in my head in bed last night just putting the whole situation together and I feel a bit better about it now.

Thanks for your inputs again guys. It means alot, because I HAVE to get this dealt with soon. The wedding isn't until next year, I have lots of time, but it makes me so paranoid whenever i see her online haha.

OH i forgot to mention she started this "wedding talk" convo on facebook a long time ago, where she has added all the bridesmaids...but she still hasn't tried to talk to me personally or even through the group for that matter. But the other day she said that she found new dresses and she expects us all to pay $140 plus tax for our dresses... umm I don't think so. I don't feel comfortable spending that much money on one item for myself, let alone a girl who I don't even know! I don't care how pretty the dress is...

$140 dress, plus shoes, makeup, hair nails, bridal showers, wedding gift...all for someone you don't want to be around...



How did things, end up going?!

I know right! It would have been so expensive after all those things!

I actually just messaged her within the last five minutes. Laying in bed last night I was thinking that I just might be ready to do this now. Then this morning I had a text from her, inviting me to her dress appointment on the 3rd. So I realized i HAD to get this taken care of.

Its funny, i hope she understands, but at the same time I don't care haha. Such a weird feeling! I'll let you know how it goes!! Thanks everyone!

Its all good! She told me that she understands, and that she only asked me because I knew her boyfriend and thought I seemed cool. I told her i was flattered that she asked me. And in the end I thanked her for being so cool about it.

I am officially OFF THE HOOK!