Sister Act

It’s a long story I will try to shorten. My sister and I are 8 years apart. I’m 58. We had been best friends for years. We supported each other, helped each other through rough times. When I was 30 I moved 800 miles away. We still were close. Talked every day, several times a day. Emailed, IM. I always flew to her house for Thanksgiving because she didn’t like making that dinner.
She was having a rough period in her marriage of 12 plus years. They were loosing their house. He lost a well paying job and then couldn’t get one for much more than $10.00 an hour. She is a realtor.
I flew to help her pack and sort things as they would have to move soon. I gave her money, bought a lot for her family and she said she would pay me back. It was okay, that’s what we did for each other.
She found out that her husband was cheating on her. So she found an condo and moved with her daughter from a previous marriage and their son. He was staying in the house about to foreclose any day. She went over to the house and found him with a gun. Drama, crying, he can’t live without her, etc. She stayed the night with him.
She told me the next day what happened and that her husband was going to watch their son while she went to a part time job. I said are you crazy? He had a gun and you want him to watch your son? She said I can’t talk now. I was very concerned he was going to hurt her for leaving him. I told her she should report him to the police or hospital. I called her minister. I called her friends. She asked her daughter to move out of the condo because her husband was moving in. The week before my niece had finals she had to find another place to live on her own. I emailed, texted, called. No response.
I emailed that I hope you two can go to counseling, they had two precious kids. It was a long time before my sister really talked to her daughter. Almost a year. Her daughter had the same reaction as I did. Well, like we all new, the husband kept the girlfriend on the side. My sister found out and moved into an apartment with her son. I texted her and said let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I said I was sorry this did not work out for her. No response. I think she blocked my emails and texts.
My sister also very rarely talks to my son. Her godchild. She cut her ties with him also. My husband and I moved across country to be by my son out west. The day after we got here my husband had a heart attack. My son also separated from his pregnant future wife who is insane and he has a hard time getting to see his daughter. I had a surgery that went wrong so was not able to work. My husband couldn’t find a decent job. I sold my Mom’s jewelry, and antiques she gave me. I even sold our kitchen chairs because they were antique and I got $700.00. It’s been hell. My husband didn’t feel well for about a year and was a bear. He also has Aspergers Syndrom. My son had so many issues with visitation.
It has turned around quite nicely as my husband found a great job with super benefits. I will have my disability hearing in February. Son is going to court and fighting for joint custody. We are catching up a little on our bills. We also lost our house and rent now. I gave up my car. I helped my niece out during the time she was not talking with her Mom. Paid her cell bill, paid for plane tickets to see us. Before our money ran out.
My sister is apparently doing well. She has texted me Happy Birthday and I thank her. My niece came out to see us in September but it was not the same. I didn’t talk to her about her Mom, I don’t want to put her in the middle. My niece emailed me before Christmas and said let’s not exchange presents, money is tight. But I see her on Facebook out to dinners, concerts, etc.
My sister has been on 2 vacations in 6 months. Has a new car. Moved to a nice condo. Well today pushed me over the edge. I signed on Facebook and she is in Fort Lauderdale with my niece and nephew. I’m thinking cruise or tropical island but I didn’t look any further. She talks about going to all these places that her and I were planning to go to. I am just beside myself on this. I don’t want to talk to her anymore, that feeling is gone. I’m just so hurt that someone you have helped so much doesn’t like what you say and just turns you out. She also left her church and rarely talks to our other relatives. I don’t want a person like that in my life but this really hurts. I feel like a failure for believing and trusting her. I could have used that money I loaned her many times. My friends back home are absolutely shocked that she did this. I know part of this is because I had such a difficult time. And I’ve been secluded without a car. I will have to schedule counseling, I did that and it helped after my husband’s heart attack. We ran out of insurance so now I’ve been catching up on a lot of other appointments. Co pay is $40.00 each time so that also is an issue right now till we get back to getting our bills caught up.
And with all of that she is always talking about God and his acts of kindness and how we treat each other. I see it on Facebook because she’s a friend to my niece. She unfriended me a long time ago. I have started another FB account and closed that one because I obviously can’t handle seeing anymore. I know she had a hard time for a long time and I don’t wish anything bad for her. She deserves happiness. But it’s like she’s intentionally doing all the things we talked about. My niece said one of my sister’s best friends is just like me. She said it’s like having my aunt around. So where do I go from here. Looking for support.

Just to say my sister has not sent a text to me this year. I didn't clarify that.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting like this

I think it would serve you better to post this in the relationships and communication section. There is a lot more traffic and the folks who hang out there are really supportive too.

I feel more than the money, it's the lack of moral support, and just walking away from you, her sister, like that.

Whew - that's a lot to read online.