Ok ladies, here's a humdinger!

I've decided to share here about my relationship with my boyfriend. I know theres a relationships board, but I want the ladies' view on this.

My boyfriend and I dated in high school 14 years ago. I've known him now for half my life. We've been on again off again for years now. The last time we broke up was right before Valentine's Day 2 years ago, and I spiraled down out of control and just about ruined my life. Then I snapped out of it and started to make a huge change. My life today is one of acceptance, love and tolerance, and a lot of faith.

My boyfriend liked the changes he saw in me, and was with me when I got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in May last year. Soon after we had a huge talk about "us". We talked about what we wanted and needed from each other and decided to face our fears and get back together.

Now, he is wonderful. He takes such good care of me and is so understanding of my disability and recent depression. I have huge financial woe and he helps as much as he can. We share a mutual love of the game of pool. We like the same movies and activities. He's my best friend. But I don't want to depend on him for those reasons alone.

Here's the problem. I constantly doubt. I constantly doubt if he's the one I want to be with. I constantly doubt if our differences can be accepted by me. I know every couple has their differences but.....ours are pretty big.

I like my calm life. I don't party anymore. I like to chill at diners and coffee shops. He likes to play pool in the bars and go to parties. I like to play pool in the pool halls and have quiet nights at home.

Those differences have been liveable. But what I realized today is, there's a huge difference our levels of faith. I'm not getting into a religious discussion here, just saying that I have faith and he does not. That's a big difference!!!!

I met a guy who has faith very similar to mine and its so refreshing to talk to him. Makes me wonder why I'd rather talk to him.....there's also a friend of mine who I am very physically attracted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm physically attracted to my boyfriend, but in a much different sense. So....these other emotional and physical attractions have me wondering.....

These doubts have been there from the get-go. I love my boyfriend. But there are so many huge differences and so many doubts.

I don't know what you might be able to get out of this, but I had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening. =)

~Rayna