When my husband does this, it hurts, and hard to get over... please help!

This still bothers me when my husband (who I love very much) looks/stares at sexy images of other women in picture form, or where ever. I try not to let it bother me, but it certainly does.

To be honest on how it really makes me feel inside...

*It hurts like hell
*I feel betrayed
*I feel a BIG worry of abandonment to replace me for that fantasy
*I feel he is turned on more by that image than he is by my image
*It makes me anxious
*It makes me upset
*It makes me want to call him on it
*It makes me go back to those old negative feelings of... You're NOT good enough! You DON'T measure up to those other women he finds desirable!
*I feel depressive feelings

Yes, I feel intense insecurity, when he does that. I don't want to feel this way, but the feelings come on strong automatically, and it really breaks my heart when he does that kind of thing.

Does healthy confident women still get feelings of hurt when their spouses do this, stare at other women's sexy-seductive images? Or is this just coming from women who have insecurities about their self image/worth?

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? Or is this just making me look bad for having these feelings?

I came from a very dysfunctional and abusive home enviroment where I was made to feel worthless and ugly. So the insecurity developed there, and grew over the years of feeling not good enough. I've been working on overcoming many insecurities, but this is one the areas that's hard for me to get past.

I am okay with him looking at beautiful people out and about, but it's this staring and the look on his face of desire for that sexy-seductive women he sees in magazines, or where ever, that bothers me the most.

I see lots of handsome looking men, but it doesn't get to the point of wanting them over him. He is the one I want, not them.

Earlier on in our relationship, my husband had a bad habit of staring at women all the time when we were out together. I found it so rude! I get it, he finds them attractive, but taking the attention away from me and our time together, it made me feel he's not in to me, and in to them. We've been together for 18 years now, and the love for each other is strong, but on my part, the love gets weakened when he behaves like this.

Any helpful supportive comments, thoughts, and advice would greatly be appreciated.

I don't mind a man's point of view on what I've posted here. So men are welcome to post a reply on my thread. I would like to hear your thoughts.


Am I overreacting to something innocent, or is this not healthy for our relationship in what he is doing?

My husband did that early on in our marriage and it made me feel terrible about myself. To me when he looks at other women he really does not want me. My self esteem and self worth as a woman has taken a beating over the years.

All I can say it do something for yourself and don't give him control of your self worth. Pamper yourself, take a class or join a group like a book club. My life used to revolve around my husband and I was miserable.

Over the years he is not so obvious but it still hurts.

What struck me about your post is that you are not telling HIM how his behavior is making you feel and I am wondering why...

As far as if you're overreacting.....I would feel the same way. This isn't a new discussion here (I believe) and it didn't bother many women. I would guess that they're more secure than we are. Hopefully you'll get some more helpful answers.

I used to think I had to be cool with the porn. That every guy does it, and that it's normal, even healthy! It's a guy thing.

I know better now. My feelings were that I felt cheated on, and I let myself think I was wrong for feeling this way.

More and more studies are coming out with relationship problems stemming from pornography use, and for the desensitizing affect it has on its viewers.

This thread is now closed. I will not be responding to it any longer.

I hope you resolved something within yourself.