[Vossie42]

I'm really down about my looks today. I've always hated how I look, but as I get older I get more depressed about it. I'm 46 and still have bad acne. I can't take antibiotics for it, because it aggravates the ringing in my ears (tinnitus). Besides, I would have to take antibiotics every day of every year. I have hyper-pigmentation (dark blotches) all over my face. I've tried Dermablend makeup which is supposed to cover even tattoos, but it doesn't cover it. I have white scars from acne. I also burn a lot. I can't wear most sunscreens, because I'm allergic to avobenzone and oxybenzone. The only sunscreen that works is an oil-based one with 25% zinc oxide. That makes my face white. Not good for everyday wear. I have to spackle on the makeup to cover up the whiteness of the zinc oxide, and heavy makeup is really yucky. And makeup makes my skin break out and makes the acne worse. I will burn if I use any sunscreens with less than 25% zinc oxide. Titanium dioxide doesn't prevent burning at all.

So, my skin is a regular beige, with dark splotches, white scars all over, and reddish from a sunburn. I live in Florida, so staying out of the sun means staying indoors from 9 AM to 7 PM. I feel so ugly. Now that I'm getting older, my face is starting to sag. That's makes me even more depressed.

My jaw is wide, and my eyes are small, deep-set and hooded. Past boyfriends have complained to me that I'm not feminine enough. I have a great body from the neck down, but from the neck up I don't look feminine. My facial features are more androgynous or masculine rather than feminine. As a kid I was constantly mistaken for a boy because my face didn't look like it belonged to a girl.

I feel gross and unattractive. No one has ever said that I look pretty or beautiful. Not even my parents. It's no wonder I can't get a boyfriend. I've tried dating sites and singles groups and hobbies -- everything. No one wants to date someone whose face is ugly except for men who are 20 years older than me or are obese. Ew. I know, I shouldn't judge people by their weight. I don't for the most part except when it comes to dating. I'm just not attracted to fat the same way many men are not attracted to ugly faces regardless of the person's other qualities.

Sigh.

[Vossie42]

Oh, and I have puffy bags under my eyes that I inherited from my dad. I've tried every single trick and product to reduce the puffiness without success. Also, I have dark purple circles under my eyes that no concealer even begins to cover. There's nothing opaque enough. I haven't tried every makeup on the market, but I don't have the money to try everything. Does anyone know of a good brand that really covers?

[RRex]

Vossie

I'm in the same boat in a way. I've gained over 100 pounds and no longer look like a woman, and I get horrible reactions from people in public.

Stay strong. I feel like crying after reading your post. Don't let them win.

[Vossie42]

RRex, I hope you know that there is nothing wrong with you at all. It's other people that have the problem.

[RRex]

Originally Posted by Vossie42

RRex, I hope you know that there is nothing wrong with you at all. It's other people that have the problem.

Yes, I know, but as you know, I still think negatively about myself.

[Vossie42]

It's so frustrating that there such idiotic and narrow standards of beauty. Appearance does matter no matter how much people say it shouldn't. Having a negative attitude makes it worse. People sense you're upset and hold it against you.

[RRex]

Originally Posted by Vossie42

It's so frustrating that there such idiotic and narrow standards of beauty. Appearance does matter no matter how much people say it shouldn't. Having a negative attitude makes it worse. People sense you're upset and hold it against you.

I'm pretty messed up otherwise, so I have a crummy attitude. It's partly my fault, I guess. I'm not a fan of man because of my childhood. It's very hard for me to fight negativity.

I do think the beauty standards currently are unrealistic. The big problem is men's attitudes towards women. No matter what we do we are still nothing more than objects. There are exceptions, but I've never met one and I'm in my 50's.

I no longer, and haven't for many, many years, expect men to like me for any reason. I had a psychotic break a few years ago and it was a real wake-up call as to what men really think of me.

[Vossie42]

Sorry to hear about the break. Those are scary!

I don't know why I'm complaining about not having a boyfriend. They're too much trouble! They don't know what give and take is. They don't want to give me what I want in exchange for what they want. Too often, what we want don't match up anyway. Really, the only thing I want from a man is pleasant company. They can't even do that. How pathetic!

[RRex]

Originally Posted by Vossie42

Sorry to hear about the break. Those are scary!

I don't know why I'm complaining about not having a boyfriend. They're too much trouble! They don't know what give and take is. They don't want to give me what I want in exchange for what they want. Too often, what we want don't match up anyway. Really, the only thing I want from a man is pleasant company. They can't even do that. How pathetic!

I hear you, but they're driven by thousands of years of survival genetics and hormones. Honestly, I just gave up in my 30's.

[BridgetDarling]

I'm sorry Vossie. I wish I could give you a big hug. Self esteem struggles are one of the worst imo.

Maybe try each day or each week to find something positive about your self and focus on it for that day. When I'm feeling bad about my looks I will find something that I'm better at than looks and keep telling myself ok I can't be a good looker but I know how to do this better. I have always struggled with my sister looking better than me and everyone always saying how pretty she is but never really much about me so in turn I think well she may look better but I know how to cook better or handle my temper better etc. I know it sounds silly but these give me a tiny boost in my self esteem. It does help.

Just try to remember too that nothing is more attractive than an awesome personality. Yeah others may have pretty faces but most them probaly have dull personalities. I always try to remember this. Hang in there!

[BridgetDarling]

Also have you tried preperation H for the puffy ness under your eyes? I worked with a girl who swore by this and days she didn't use it, you could tell. Just be careful not to get it in your eyes. Sounds crazy to put that on your face but I have heard of crazier things!

[Vossie42]

Thanks, BridgetDarling! I forgot about Prep-H. That is one thing I haven't tried yet. I've also considered getting makeup lessons from a professional. I may not be able to wear foundation, but I can rock awesome eye and lip makeup! That could draw some attention away from my skin. Sort of. Or at least help me feel better about how I look.

Originally Posted by Vossie42

I'm really down about my looks today. I've always hated how I look, but as I get older I get more depressed about it. I'm 46 and still have bad acne. I can't take antibiotics for it, because it aggravates the ringing in my ears (tinnitus). Besides, I would have to take antibiotics every day of every year. I have hyper-pigmentation (dark blotches) all over my face. I've tried Dermablend makeup which is supposed to cover even tattoos, but it doesn't cover it. I have white scars from acne. I also burn a lot. I can't wear most sunscreens, because I'm allergic to avobenzone and oxybenzone. The only sunscreen that works is an oil-based one with 25% zinc oxide. That makes my face white. Not good for everyday wear. I have to spackle on the makeup to cover up the whiteness of the zinc oxide, and heavy makeup is really yucky. And makeup makes my skin break out and makes the acne worse. I will burn if I use any sunscreens with less than 25% zinc oxide. Titanium dioxide doesn't prevent burning at all.

So, my skin is a regular beige, with dark splotches, white scars all over, and reddish from a sunburn. I live in Florida, so staying out of the sun means staying indoors from 9 AM to 7 PM. I feel so ugly. Now that I'm getting older, my face is starting to sag. That's makes me even more depressed.

My jaw is wide, and my eyes are small, deep-set and hooded. Past boyfriends have complained to me that I'm not feminine enough. I have a great body from the neck down, but from the neck up I don't look feminine. My facial features are more androgynous or masculine rather than feminine. As a kid I was constantly mistaken for a boy because my face didn't look like it belonged to a girl.

I feel gross and unattractive. No one has ever said that I look pretty or beautiful. Not even my parents. It's no wonder I can't get a boyfriend. I've tried dating sites and singles groups and hobbies -- everything. No one wants to date someone whose face is ugly except for men who are 20 years older than me or are obese. Ew. I know, I shouldn't judge people by their weight. I don't for the most part except when it comes to dating. I'm just not attracted to fat the same way many men are not attracted to ugly faces regardless of the person's other qualities.

Sigh.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. Have you looked into photofacial or IPL therapy (you can frequently get a groupon)?
Also there are prescription creams.
I have found BB cream (vip gold beblesh cream is one I use buy you can research on for you) works wonders and if you need extra, powder over with a mineral makeup (Studio mineral makeup covers better than Bare Essentials IMHO)

I had a lot of bruising to cover once from a fall and learned from experience.

Please know that nothing is more attractive than a smile.

[cryingontheinside]

Ive put on loads of weight. I dont walk, i waddle. I get talked down to and treated like crap. Used to be good looking before i got so inwell and had to take medication that blows you up like a freak. I hate how i look too. People are so judgemental to a persons appearance, its one of the reasons i hardly go out. Im not valued as a person because am fat, i hate my nose too.

[RRex]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Ive put on loads of weight. I dont walk, i waddle. I get talked down to and treated like crap. Used to be good looking before i got so inwell and had to take medication that blows you up like a freak. I hate how i look too. People are so judgemental to a persons appearance, its one of the reasons i hardly go out. Im not valued as a person because am fat, i hate my nose too.

I would love a nose job, but on me it wouldn't make sense. I've got the risperidone blues. (All they look at is the plump.)

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't want to presume to know what things you've tried in an attempt to clear up your skin, but have you ever done a detox diet and then added back in foods one by one? I have had bad acne my whole life. I am in my mid 30's now. A year ago I went on a detox diet on a fluke, and within a month my skin was perfectly clear. I found out I have a gluten sensitivity and a corn sensitivity as well. Dairy isn't very friendly to me, either. I say all of this because no doctor ever suggested that my acne was related to what I was eating. Of course, EVERY doctor says things like "don't eat chocolate, it gives you acne" and old wives tales like that, and then they wanted to throw me on pills and give me creams, which were just a Band-Aid that never got to the root of it all. If you haven't tried a detox diet, I highly suggest it. Its a pain, but worth it in the end. I never realized that I had a constant level of inflammation in my body due to gluten, but now even a TINY bit of gluten and my skin erupts into painful cysts. It drives me nuts when people say I should get tested, as the tests require you to be eating gluten at the time. Uhm, no thank you, as either way the solution is to just not eat gluten. Its not like they can give me a magic pill, lol.

[Evening]

I do understand the feeling of being hung up on looks, I loathe the way I look. I too have bags and dark circles around my eyes (hereditary and stress related), and I have bad teeth, acne, large pores, a wide-ish nose... and I've thought about getting surgery a number of times. I always see my mother or my father when I look at myself, I want to look nothing like my father because he is scum to me, and not a very nice looking person. My mother constantly complains about how she looks, she doesn't even like her photo taken and whinges when she sees pictures of herself, so the fact I do resemble her does not help my esteem at all.
I wear a lot of makeup now, I never used to wear it at all, and it made me feel a little better until someone told me I looked better without it, and since I feel like a complete ugmo with no makeup on as it is, you can imagine how that made me feel.
I don't think I've ever had anyone ever tell me I was ugly, I usually get quite the opposite, but it doesn't help me feel better at all. I hate compliments in fact. What I see and what others see seeem to be 2 completely different things.

When it comes to acne, I have found birth control has help a lot, since it is hormone related. Is that something you've tried? Hormonal acne tends to show up mostly around the jawline, sides of the neck and lower cheeks. Plus picking at it too will make it worse, as it takes longer to heal. I learned that the hard way. My acne sometimes would get so bad that it would be hard to sleep on that side of my face, and it would almost look parts of my face were swollen. I still have a little bit of acne, but nothing like before. It takes a few months to work too.

I do enjoy makeup, and I spend forever on pinterest learning different tricks, and I actually enjoy putting makeup on every day.
It sounds like you have very sensitive skin, and as some makeups make people break out because of specific ingredients in them, you could always research different types of makeup for sensitive skin, and what ingredients can aggrivate it. Or is it because the sunscreen you have you wear underneath is is so heavy that it's contributing to it?

You said that you burn really easily and that you have you put sunscreen on, have you tried foundations that have sunscreen in them? I know you are allergic to some things and you say titanium dioxide doesn't work for you, but perhaps one in a foundation might as it is mixed in with a product (I could be totally wrong on that but hey). Otherwise if you can find a foundation/bb cream that has something you can use in it that might help a little. Just remember when it comes to photos that a lot of products used for sunscreen can make you appear white when flash is used.
If you really just cannot wear foundation at all, is there a tinted moisturiser or something you could use instead?

As for bags and dark circles, there is no makeup trick that completely gets rid of it, but there are ways you can reduce the appearance of it. I don't know what you've attempted before, but it's not just the products you try but how you apply them. When it comes to colour correcting, you want to use a base that is the opposite of the colour you're trying to hide. So if you're trying to hide something with redness, use something with a green base. If you're trying to cover something purple, use something yellow based.
Then when it comes to covering eye bags, you want to be careful how you apply your makeup as it can sometimes bring attention it rather than hide it. some people just try to conceal the under eye area only, when it should be applied like this-


I do that first as a base, to even out the colour, then I add a darker shade to the puffy area, and put a lighter shade in the crease. Darker colours add depth, whereas lighter colours highlight and bring forward, so adding depth to something that sticks out, and bringing forward something that sinks in can create the illusion of flattening out the bag of your eyes. Just make sure to blend it well, don't use shades more than say 2 shades lighter or darker than your usual shade, and practice a few times before you walk out the door.

When it comes to haing a wider jaw line, again darker and lighter shades can help. Contouring add definition to your face shape, and adding a darker shape around your jawline can make it appear thinner. Marilyn Monroe used to to this, and highlight the eye area, to make her face appear more heart shaped instead of round. She also used to use winged eyelashes and shadow to make her eyes look wider, which may help if you have smaller eyes. There are plenty of makeup tips out there for people wanting to make their eyes appear larger, and how to do makeup for hooded eyes.

If you can watch youtube, look up goss makeup artist. He's got a lot of tips on how to do makeup for a lot of the things you've mentioned, plus his personality is really great and tries to explain how to 'fix' different features without making it seem as though you're ugly to have the features you feel you might need to fix.

I probably haven't helped in the slightest, but hopefully I've given you something that may lead to you finding a trick that will make you feel happier about yourself.

[H3rmit]

>Now that I'm getting older, my face is starting to sag.

Have you ever tried Facercise? There's an inexpensive book you can get, or your library might have it. It does great things to your face, improving circulation and lifting things all over the place. I'm over 50 and I get compliments. I think it's because of this, and because of swimming, also. Even I notice my face after swimming. Again, I get compliments. Never worn makeup, and never been called beautiful except by my crazy husband. Seriously, he has visual perception problems. Not kidding. Anyway, facercise feels good and seems to really improve facial structure. I have an MD in my family. She looked at the book and said the physiology of it is valid. She tried it to, and looked better for it, but didn't keep it up.

I sympathize with feeling ugly or masculine. What you've experienced sounds very painful.

[Pikku Myy]

I have always struggled with very low self-esteem It does not matter how pretty others tell you you are.... Actually been thru therapy to "like" myself again. You are not alone Hugs

[ifst5]

If any make up makes you break out i'm not sure would good it would do suggesting a brand but i find clinique make up and skincare products pretty good. I currently use the foundation for older skin...can't remember what it's called, despite having severe acne and it's brilliant for coverage but drys rather quickly without residue so doesn't feel 'cakey.' I then use Vichy translucent powder to set and it looks pretty great apart from the oiliness which nothing can really be done about apart from meds i can't go on.

Have you tried roaccutane? It's not for sensitive systems but the treatment lasts 6 months so you're not on it continuously...i don't know the nature of any psychiatric concerns you have but it's not usually a med recommended for people with that sort of history though you can always get the advice of your psychiatrist.

[Vossie42]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

It drives me nuts when people say I should get tested, as the tests require you to be eating gluten at the time. Uhm, no thank you, as either way the solution is to just not eat gluten.

Actually there is a blood test to see if you're allergic to a specific protein that's indicative of celiac disease. No need to go back on gluten for a biopsy. If the blood test comes back negative and you're not allergic to that specific protein, that does not mean that gluten is not a problem for you. It could mean that foods high in FODMAPS is the culprit. If I remember correctly - and you can look this up on Wikipedia - FODMAPS are basically fermentable carbohydrates. Wheat, rye and barley are the highest in FODMAPS and the highest in gluten. Unfortunately, FODMAPS are found in other foods (fruits, vegetables, legumes, etc), too, but not as much as wheat. So, if you're still having some intestinal and other issues, the FODMAPS could be the culprit.

I went off gluten several years ago due to intestinal issues and immediately felt better. The cystic acne cleared up. I still get cysts every now and then, but they are rare

[Vossie42]

Thanks, everyone, for your support and helpful tips. I have one of my own. I recently discovered that you can make your own zinc oxide sunscreen by mixing zinc oxide powder into your favorite lotion. Yes, it still goes on white, but that can be covered up with powder. By using an oil-free lotion as a base, I can eliminate the breakouts caused by oily zinc oxide sunscreens. Zinc oxide powder has the added benefit of acting as an antiseptic and clearing up my skin. The particles of the brand I use are not small enough to be considered nanoparticles, so I won't have to worry about metal poisoning.