I think I went on a date this week...

Wow....big turn of events. Sounds like he was being all flirty too. But the no relationships thing would throw me as well.

I'd be cautious with the talking while drinking...either it will loosen his tounge and he'll speak the truth, or he'll say things he didn't mean to say....so maybe just ask him point blank when he's sober?

I hope things turn out for you!!!!! Keep us posted.

((((((( {{{{{{{ ~*Julianna*~ }}}}}}}}} )))))))))))

Some people (not judging, just commenting) think it's cool to have an opposite sex "good friend" who they can hang out with, have sex with, and have no strings attached. Sounds like you are not the type of female who would want that. But you also sound like a smart chick, so follow your mind - not your heart (hearts are notoriously dumb, and pig-headed), until he shows his heart to you, and you trust each other.

em

Thanks for all the responses. I get the sense he's been hurt badly in the past and is scared... and the booze brought that out when we were having a conversation about someone else's break-up. I've been hurt badly too and I'm scared about having feelings for anybody, so it kind of sounds like the sort of thing I would blurt out after a few too many drinks.

In hindsight, I realize that there was quite a bit of discussion about my ex-boyfriend yesterday and last night. I didn't bring him up, but one of the guys who was with us is really good friends with my ex and was asking me about him and referencing stuff that had happened back when we were together. There was also some discussion amongst quite a few people about what an amazing musician my ex is. So, I'm thinking how I would feel if someone had been talking a whole lot about Mr. X's ex-girlfriend... and how amazing she is, etc. It probably wouldn't make me feel great.

He hasn't kissed me yet, but he was being flirty today. I mentioned to a colleague that perhaps he's just interested in being my friend, but she said she sees the way he watches me when I'm not looking and she said he's definitely not looking at me like a friend. She also said that she's been working with him for 3 years and he has never taken her to lunch and asked her out on the weekend or popped by her office twice a day.

We work for the same university so we were at the same event today. He told me I looked beautiful and was his usual pleasant, charming self. We sat outside together for a while and talked about music that we both like. He knew I had a lot to get done today at the event and I had been stressed out about it, so he was asking how everything went... and he told me I looked very professional and competent while I was doing everything. I told him I was feeling cranky, but he said I looked pleasant and glowing. That was good to hear because I felt really stressed while I was waiting for the media and taking photos... just feeling out of sorts through most of the day.

I'll just wait and see what happens next. We see each other every day at work. He stops by my window twice a day for a smoke break and a chat. We have only known each other for a week, but we have spent a lot of time together. I guess I'll just take my time and get to know him better -- without the booze. It really is a depressant. I know it works that way on me and that seemed to be the case with him last night.

If I was in this situation, I'd have to just come out point blank and let the guy know I liked him.

Before Brian, I had a huge crush on someone and we hung out all the time etc. I didn't say anything, partly out of fear and partly because he's in his first year of sobriety, so I was being respectful. Everyone thought we were close to dating; everyone thought he liked me.

When it came out that he didn't, and started dating another girl, I was crushed. Since I just assumed because of the way he was acting, it broke my heart.

The next guy I hung out with, I ended up point blank telling him I was interested in him before I got the wrong impression. He told me he was flattered but only saw me as a friend. I wasn't heartbroken like I was with the first one, since I came out and made it clear what I would like before I started telling myself things in my own mind.

Thats when I made the post here about feeling like one of the guys, and then Brian asked me out, completely unexpected.

So....whats the harm in saying something like, "You know, I really like you..." then the ball is in his court, and you'll know, instead of wondering. Its a hard leap to take, but worth it for your sanity. At least thats been my experience.

Thanks Rayna. I'm just so scared of doing that. I told the Brit guy I had a crush on him and got the "no sparks" e-mail. I'm not sure I'm ready to go through that again. I think I'll give it another week with Mr. X and see what happens. My ex's advice was me to be passive aggressive because that's what works for me. He said the mistake I made with the Brit guy was stepping out of character and being direct with him. He told me that scares some guys. I am glad that I found out the Brit guy wasn't interested, because I was convincing myself to be attracted to him. It was never going to turn into a relationship of substance because I can't imagine that I would ever have developed deeper feelings for him. Mr. X is quite different, however. He has a powerful effect on me and I really wish he didn't.

it's only been a week, for god's sake. i can take a week deciding what to wear to something.

you grew on me. you'll grow on him.

let it flow, flow, flow............



this about this for awhile................xoxoxo pat

Here's what I think: Cold shrinks things.

nice visual, maven.

Juliana,

Advice from MSN:

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.asp...uid=6&GT1=9278

Hugs,

EJ

A little update. It turns out he isn't just interested in me as a friend. We had a long talk last night. He's terrified of getting hurt in a relationship so hadn't been with a woman in a long time. He was wondering if I was attracted to him; he thought maybe I was just that friendly with all my male friends... and he found it hard to believe that I would find him attractive. He's a little bit damaged in the self-esteem department; I'm glad he opened up to me. I'm sure he's still terrified of a relationship and I am too. We're taking it one day at a time... but we had an amazing night last night... and I sure needed that.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you'll be able to help him see that he needn't be afraid anymore. Whoo hoo!!! Keep us updated!

He made me promise that I won't regret what he happened and he made me promise that I will talk to him tomorrow morning. He said he's going to come and get me for break and we're going to communicate. He said we've started communicating and wants to keep that going and he wants it to go deeper. Hmmmm... Anyway, I expect he's probably freaking out right now. He didn't want to be attracted to me or have any feelings for me. He's terrified of a relationship, so I wouldn't be surprised if he backs away from me. He has some big issues. We'll see what happens. If it turns out he can't get over the fear and can't trust himself (and me), there's nothing I can do about that. I'm not going to push him. If it doesn't turn into a relationship at least I know it's not because there's anything WRONG with me. I know he thinks a lot of me. If he's not ready, he's not ready... I will be very happy if he comes around, though and decides to take a chance... and I'm holding myself back from feeling anything too deep for him at this point.

I hear ya.....its rough when the other person has a lot of issues. I know for me, my fears can rear their ugly heads, and they are doing so today. I'm getting insecure and even asked Brian if he's still happy, to which he answered "of course". My brain tells me crazy things and brings up old fears from the past, so I totally understand where your guy is coming from.

I'm thinking I better voice to Brian that I'm having old fears crop up, since we agreed to be honest about everything. I hope you guy continues to tell you where he's coming from and how he's feeling!

You definitely should tell your guy how you're feeling. Let him know that he hasn't given you a reason to doubt him... you're just dealing with old issues. We all bring baggage with us to relationships and it's best to talk about those things openly.

I have a lot of fears and insecurities about relationships too... so I undertstand where you're coming from. I also understand where the guy I'm interested in is coming from too. I'm glad he's being open with me. I hope I can help him trust me... and trust himself enough to continue being open.

Oh YAY Juliana - keep us updated!

I voiced my insecurities last night to him and it felt much better getting it off my chest.

It helped a ton when he sent me a text saying he was talking to his parents and he told them he planned to marry me some day......WoW!

Having an open and honest relationship is so refreshing as opposed to being afraid to voice my insecurities, lest they freak out and run.....

Just the fact that he trusts you enough to tell you about his insecurities is a good sign. I know for me, its refreshing to know that Brian has insecurities as well, so it makes it easier for me to talk to him about that stuff.

If nothing else, your guy has found someone he can talk to, and what a gift to be able to give!