chain reaction cycle

I used to have a bubbly personality. Things started after my husband was to busy for or marriage life and family life due to going to school full time and working part time, we had to go threw bankruptcy due to to many bills due not enough income. I have a good job. But things were overwhelmed already. I found out last year that he was visiting, taking out to eat or bar with his ex wife. To my knowledge that he tells me they did nothing other than what he says he done with her. But I know that she cheated on him when they were married, plus they talked about My marriage with him and our current issue's. I confronted him with this, she is a threat to our marriage, you have to delete her or there will be nothing left to repair. So he went to his Facebook and lied and said that I told him to get ride of Facebook. So there were so many family, friends controversial to that post. All had the info so wrong. I tried to enlighten the conversation with the truths. And also added that if you the ex have No nerve to give my husband any advice for you cheated on him be for I met him. He failed his state tests 2 times to become a vet tech. Still working but in a vet office and no health insurance, benefits at all. He is being paid like he works at a grocery store little over 9.00 we are paycheck to paycheck w no back ups and already started to need a few back up cash for he works 60 miles away our van repairs took 1 whole paycheck. He says I deserve better and he is trying but his actions so speak differ. His daily life consists of sleep in right up till he has to go to work, mind you there is no more school. So just full time work. Or get up watch tv for 30 min take shower 10 min before going out door. Work then come home eat sit watch tv go to bed. Sex life he says he has not fit for it anymore. And to help please me he always act's like it's a chor. I he would be into it I would get off quicker. Guess I not sexy anymore. I am an average size 18 woman. We have talked about that when he is more active for himself and home improvement or just overall activity, that I find him more attractive. There has been a small change without a reminder to help with anything. I am still missing the love connection between us. I am lossing all hope for that. Just not enough stimulation outside the bedroom as well. I am not a needy person just need to be have that physical reminder. I often think of giving up but we have 3 children 9,15,19 still home. Our oldest needs licences but not learning very good between the two of us working and her working 3rd shift. I have asked her to go to driving school. He says no we can do that. Yah that was you can do that. I say no I will not do everything around here. The only times he had her drive is when totally convenient for him. Everything about him is all convincing him. He was baby of family and is still getting spoiled to convienances. I was eldest in my family and still get treated the same. U pull ur own weight, or suffer. So for him time is money. I am money is saved if u do it yourself unless it is unsafe for us to do it. And there are something's I take risks with on my own. I have read on this site about 9 signs of hopelessness and I have found that I have ,#3, 4. I continue to seek ideas how to get on with him or to just file D. I do love him just not the way I used to. Cuz. He has changed to much himself. No insurance no time to go to councillor, turns me down on many occasions for a series of things, rude when I have treated him to a meal out. I have said a lot of the issues but this is the just of it all. My eyes hurt so this is enough for now.

so i know you are venting and i hope that has made you feel better, so i am wondering if there is anything on the pro side of this relationship? i often ask people to put a pro/con list together to help visually see the cost/benefit analysis of their relationship when questioning if it is worth staying in a relationship. there is always the "but i love him", but love isnt alway enough when we are hurting so much and so miserable. we love them but we have to love ourselves, take care of ourselves and our children as well. staying together for the "sake of the children" is one of the biggest mistakes ever. Unhealthy environments, unhappy parents, tension and conflict do more damage to children then two happy healthy parent homes. Read your post again and reflect on the emotional damage it is doing for you and think about the impact this is having on your kids. It amazes me that parents think they are able to hide it from the kids, they cant. Kids want happy moms and dads - they are much easier to get along with...lol.

so think about where you really want to be, what you really want for you, for the kids, for life. if you want it to work, you will find a way to make counseling happen regardless of the funds. if you live near a college who has mft/psychology degrees, they often have free/low cost counseling programs so their students can get intern hours under their belt. state facilities usually have sliding scales. it takes a bit of work calling around, but if it is worth it to you, you can find someone who will see you at a reduced rate. take care