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#1
Aug 25, 2015, 02:39 PM
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Hi all, I am feeling kind of down and isolating today. I was the opposite yesterday.. which was really action filled, with drama and seeing family and dealing with lots of stuff. Just wondering if anyone else has these days? Its not that I stay in bed, i just enjoy being alone and doing 'me' and taking that time.
Today I am working at home and just isolating, kind of happy but kind of guilty about it. My bf understands, although we have tentative plans later ..., and i really dont know if i can make it. I feel a tad guilty b/c of the timing. I also have my TOM coming today or tomorrow, so sometimes i feel entitled to a down day, to work at home (thankfully i have that option). I just think sometimes I take allot of down time or that I need more then the average person.. I guess It is something to bring up w/ my therapist. My prior therapist always had to remind me: There is nothing wrong w/ taking time for myself. It helps me to recharge, and I just wish i was able to enjoy it more. I have plans to make a nice dinner, which cheers me up... I was sad that it didn't rain, b/c then i felt like i had more of an excuse to stay home. I had a little stressful email, and i started to cry...  Then,... tried to go out into the world - and just running an errand felt hard and I feel totally ridiculous that this is the case. I see so many other people doing 'life' and im like- what the heck!! What is wrong w/ me? Why am i only comfortable isolating? Will i ever feel normal? Am i some weird outcast of society... or is it natural to have these ebbs and flows of energy.... and craving solo time. Even going on a walk or getting nails done (solo) is incredibly scary for me sometimes... I wish it wasn't that way. Perhaps it is just my style, and there is nothing wrong w/ taking time-outs... and slowly building up to the point where I can do these things alone, and it wont freak me out soo much.... who knows. All that said: thank god for chocolate ice cream.... 
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 Dx: BP 2 &/or BPD Rx: Lamictal 100mg “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.” ― Richard Bach |
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#2
Aug 27, 2015, 10:07 AM
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It's normal to want down time. My family of origin, especially my father's side zaps my energy in ways that I take notice. That said, maybe that stressful email combined with seeing your family hit a raw nerve?
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#3
Aug 29, 2015, 09:25 PM
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WOW! It's crazy that I feel like I could have written all that myself. Well not exactly because I AM staying in bed all day. They took away our ability to work from home. I'm looking for a new shrink b/c the one that I have tells me he can't write that as an accommodation for me b/c he only sees me once every 3 months for meds so I'm too functional. Whatever. I'm going to start working with a therapist. The only reason I have ANY sick time left is from when they would allow me to work from home.
I've just spent too much time crying lately. I need to fix something. Need to figure out what it is first.
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Dx: Bipolar I, Mixed Type and ADHD w/ Hyperactivity Meds: Adderall XR 30 mg, short acting 15, Trazodone 150 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Xanax .5 mg (as needed). WARNING! I have ADHD. Expect long winded, off topic responses. Your understanding is appreciated. |
 lavendersage
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