No female friends?

Am I a woman actually?
= Warning. Here comes a rant=
Well, I don´t think so. Every time I read some psychological stuff, even the academic ones, I get this undermining feeling that "this is sooo unnatural".

From time to time I excruciate myself with the question "Just why don´t I have any female friends?" At the rare times I had some, they abandoned me for a gossip and never ever talked to me again (it was when I was 11 and I still feel it, because I just dont understand)... in recent years I have been abandoned by two female friends and it was painful too, because of the expectations I had inside :-( One left because - i don ´t really know why, but she abhorred that I am dating an older man, so after I told her... she still hates me like hell :-( - the second one we grew apart because she joined a certain subculture that I have left long before... and she too, did not approve my partner.

I came to the point that women are a total mystery for me and I am really uncomfortable with all that intrigues and stuff that goes on between them.

Other thing is, I am totally non-motherly type, I hate babies and all the issues around it even more. (My vision of hell is being a full-time mom locked alone in the house with human contact only with women magazines reading moms.) There is a good health reason why I should not have children and being as young as I am I feel it very probable that I will never want any. (I inherited terrible dysmenorrhea. I was anaemic and underweight throughout all my adolescence). I am not into make up nor fashion and I just loathe all the most common stuff women talk to (or do they not?): celebrities, shopping clothes etc.

But mainstream culture does not trouble me so much... thing is, I can´t find female friends and examples to relate to even in the New Age /Neopagan community. I have always been the leader, and that is sort of "unfeminine" too... I am not interested in cooking (always been ascetic), my boyfriend cooks fantastically, so what.

I have not found yet any model of femininity in this whole culture that I could relate to... I feel I "should have" female friends and do the female stuff with them but the problem is maybe... *what* is the female stuff?

Uhhh. I still cannot process the meeting when I met a former schoolmate, who studied the same program, then left, got knocked up, got married and never ever troubled herself with philosophy & religious studies. Quite possibly I am the only girl who asks the question "why?" at our institute. All professor are men, 90% of students women. We actually have not learnt about any woman in the history of religious studies course.

Well, I feel similar to you in quite a bit of what you have said. Don't know about you, but I'm so lonely and long for those "friend" connections.

Lately I've been reading anything and everything I can find about human behavior-- both female and male-- been puzzled for so long-- I decided I'd put myself in the "student" mode since I feel interaction can be so foreign to me. I'm trying to learn what makes a woman tick-- and a man...... never felt like I belonged. I don't follow celebrities lives, or fashion either--though I do partake in some lightly applied makeup-- it's my way of saying I'm worthy of some pampering-- was very much neglected as a child so this has special meaning to me.

I think it's good you're not troubled by mainstream culture--- wish I could feel like that!

I also commend you in asking questions in your studies-- that's how, I believe, we as humans make advances.-- You probably won't learn much about women in religious studies-- as I've not come across a religion yet that wasn't written by men for men...... would love to read something written by a woman where they are not valued higher if they are virgins and non-speaking is preferred while standing behind the man-- but where they walk hand in hand with man and have equal value and promise, to lecture, explore and receive the same respect........
probably going to make some members upset with that last paragraph.....*sigh*-- defenses can be high with this subject (Speaking my truth can cause others to attack )

I think what might be of some help-- maybe--- is to not think of yourself as female--- but what you can give as a friend and what you enjoy-- then focus on those strengths that are a part of you. In the meantime-- I'm here if you want to chat.....

take care,

mandy

No female religious persons?
Well in Sweden we have Holy Birgitta (Bridget) that we are very proud of. Read more on
http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bio/207.html

Then of course there is Maria Magdalena who followed Jesus and is likely to have been one of his disciples.

Do not forget Mother Teresa.
And of course Eve and a bunch of biblical women and saints.

Jews celebrate every year Esther, the Jewish Queen of Persia, who saved the Jews of Persia from annihilation.

In Swedish, Roman and Greek mythology there are a lot of women around. Or do they have to have actually lived, the religious people you study?

In Sweden we have a tradition to celebrate Lucia every year on December 13. It was first a heathen tradition, but when Christianity came here it was made as a celebration of the Sicillian saint Lucia.

Kali is a godess of destruction in hinduism. Devi is even more important.

Hatshepsut was a female farao (they were regarded as gods).

In Islam there is a bunch of them, check out http://islam.about.com/library/weekly/aa031101a.htm

In inuit religion there is common with female shamans.

Christina Odenberg was the first female Swedish bishop (in 1997)

I am sure you have a lot of interesting women to read about where you are from (are you american?).

Oh, and I forgot Jeanne d´Arc (Joan of Arc)!

Annalina,

I also feel I am a bit disconnected from my fellow females. But I think that is OK. I don't like girly stuff and may be seem by the average female standards as a little to aggressive ... little to masculine.. what ever. I believe gender characteristics are on a continuum ranging from the real girlly types to the really muscle head males. I am in the middle somewhere.

I have a family and career and there is not a lot of time to make friends. I work in an all male department and quite honestly am very comfortable. I think one reason I have very few female friends is because in my field (athletics) their is a higher prevalence of homosexuality among females. I have nothing against homosexuals but often we just don't relate well... simply
different subcultures.

I understand some of your comments about women being gossips and engage in back stabbing. The men do this too, just more directly. I often thank God for giving me two boys to raise. I think he knew I would not know how to handle girls. I would be totally lost with doing the hair and clothes bit, and dealing with chatterbugs

I think we attract people we are comfortable being around and sharing with. What gender they happen to be doesn't really matter. I don't think females should feel like they are "required" to have female friends to be normal.

Oh, Swedish.. I am an American and believe it or not I did learn about several of these women in school. I can even locate Sweden on a map. You guys are the ones who wear the wooden shoes, right?

I guess You mistake religious studies for theology :-) I am not a Christian - we study all world religions from an "objective" perspective...
By those men I meant... Eliade, Jung, Freud, Otto and others.

I would actually like to *do* something at the university - apply for PhD etc.
I wonder where all those women dissappear? We have majority of women on ALL study programs except history and philosophy and some computer linguistics... where do they go afterwards? Interesting that I haven´t heard about any female religious studies scholar in my homeland nor have I seen one.

My schoolmates joke that they only study not to "be too boring for their partners". Uhhh. That´s not even funny!

You know I think this statement might make some feminists very angry - but why do so many young women go to universities, study well and then go work as SECRETARIES for some pharmaceutical bloodsuckers? I have seen more than one life story like this at our school (the most prestigious humanities here BTW)...

My second study program is social work and not surprisingly 90% of students is too, female... but I like them more... at least they want do do something meaningful in their lives...and girls are far more friendly here, you know, as the study program is comparably less prestigious.

I haven´t made any friends during the whole 1st year on rel. studies and philosophy.... interesting that on the other school people just greet each other even though sometimes I am not sure if I even know them!

Hi!

Great that you heard about a lot of women in school. Hmm, about the wooden shoes I am not really sure. Maybe that is the Netherlands (do you mean clogs?).

Hmm, about the original problem, I do have a few girlfriends but do not know any boys that I consider good friends (except my brother and other male relatives to me). Maybe it is a jealosy thing as you say, because my life sucks a lot and maybe that is why my friends like me? Well if that is the case, maybe there is something good to being miserable sometimes?

I am the same as you, Annalina, and others here that have expressed similar feelings. I have no female friends, and have had none since the sophomore year of high school. I do not long for female friends, or male friends. Most people find me strange at first glance, and do not bother with talking to me. I am not very talkative, so I suppose that that is a good thing. I am not very empathetic at all, and come off as quite cold to most everyone. My interests, for a female, are somewhat unusual, so I believe that this is also a reason that I do not connect with other females.

You are not required to do anything. You should be friends with people you can relate to, whether male or female. There is no gender related quota-or role- that is mandatory for you to fill. There is only what works for you.