Got a move in date!

My boyfriend and I are moving in together on March 1!!!! We're getting a two bedroom in the complex I'm in now. I'm so excited!!!!

So now my question is, I'm a planner. So I want to make sure I've touched base on everything well in advance. We talked to my apartment people a couple months ago because there's a waiting list for the 2 bedrooms. So now I just have to let them know the date. That's the easy part.

I have a LOT of stuff. So I'm gonna start packing well in advance. Thats tedious but easy as well.

The hard stuff is, what kind of stuff should bf and I talk about before moving in together? The only other time I've had guys live with me, it just kinda hapened. One day they were suddenly living with me. This is the first time it has been planned.

He's getting rid of all his furniture (its all bachelor stuff and faling apart). He had that idea, not me. I guess the stuff I want to nail down is financial stuff and all that. Our relationship is pretty easy going so I'm not too concerned, but any suggestions on the kind of stuff I should be planning for?

My suggestion would be to get the financial stuff in writing, and notarized. That way, if the relationship blows up, everything's legal and he has no recourse. You *definitely* need to spell out who's responsible for what as far as bills and stuff, and what he owes you if he decides to move out, or, god forbid, if he dumps you for getting pregnant (something many of us here have been through).

It's not fun stuff to think about when you're "in love," but it will save you endless grief in the end.

You might also spell out things like cleaning and maintenance chores, another hard-learned tip. Make him do something or chances are, he won't!

Also consider what happens if one of you becomes seriously ill, handicapped or otherwise incapacitated. If you want him to be your medical power of attorney, for example, you need to make that legal now.

Congrats, Raynaadi. Sounds like you are very excited and this is a positive move for you. And you have a baby on the way! Do you see living together with your boyfriend as a prelude to marriage? Does your boyfriend want to be a part of his child's life (great, if true!)?

Whether or not you were not expecting a baby, I would say to work out in advance how you will handle paying the rent and other monthly bills like electric, water, phone, etc. Make sure both of you have your names on the lease. Will you both deposit your paychecks into a joint account and pay the bills from there? Or will you keep separate accounts and each pay some of the bills from your own money? It is good to have this clearly spelled out, or people can feel taken advantage of or like the other is not contributing enough financially, and this leads to resentment. Best to hash it all out before problems arise.

An important issue will be what happens once the baby is born. Will you take time off work to care for the baby? How long? Will your boyfriend fully support you and the baby during this time when you may not have a paycheck? If you will be going back to work after 6 weeks?-10 weeks?-6 months?, what will happen when you do return to work? Who will provide childcare? Will you and your boyfriend try to shift your working schedules, so that one works days and one works nights, so you don't need outside childcare? Will you take your baby to a childcare center? A private home with a care provider? A grandma?

Lots to think about! (If I can make one recommendation, it is that without the security and protection of marriage, don't give up your job, even if your boyfriend says he will take care of you.) Congrats again on this positive change in your life!

Oh I'm not pregnant!! Lol just wanted to clarify that that is not happening yet lol. We're not even engaged yet and plan to wait to get pregnant until we're married. While that is in the plan, its a long way off!!

I'll definitely do all the things suggested here. Its almost like a prenup lol. But its good to have all my bases covered, and I know he'll understand.

CHORES! Who does what and how often. It's a biggy for annoying fights. Make a list of ALL chores, and assign names. It should be posted on the fridge as a reminder.

And, you need to decide ahead of time - which way does the toilet paper go on? ?

Campy

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And, you need to decide ahead of time - which way does the toilet paper go on?

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SO true!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to say congratulations - that's very exciting.

--splitimage

wait... WHAT????????????? Are you serious????? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

It's been neat watching this relationship progress! I remember you writing about your first date with him!

How to prepare... you know yourself better than I do in terms of what you're picky about. I'd start the observation process now, since you have a few months. For me, it would be:

1) does he pay his bills on time, or does he slip often and get stuck with fines and late fees?
2) does he keep his kitchen as clean as you'd like it to be? If not, you should prepare for that not to change once you're together
3) How does he handle crises? Is he graceful and calm (if the apartment floods, or you had a break-in) or is it going to be the kind of situation where you need to take charge? Doesn't to hurt to make sure that your own expectations are realistic.
4) Financial stuff - I was really bad about that part during my two live-in relationships. We were really laid back and whoever paid, paid (and in my current relationship, that person is always me). If I were to do it again, I'd start off by splitting everything either 50/50 or proportionately according to earning potential (notice I said 'potential' - we should all live up to our potential). You can always merge finances later very easily, but once merged and patterns have developed, it's almost impossible to split it out again if the situation seems unfair. I really, really wish I had done that with my husband. Because I didn't, my consequence is that I feel extremely taken for granted. Even if you don't work, Rayna, for both of your sakes, come up with some kind of contribution that you both agree upon for how you will carry your own weight - take on extra household responsibilities or something. This is by far the biggest issue in my marriage, and it's my own fault for not being clear up-front when we first moved in together.

That's it - my best advice. GOOD LUCK! I'm happy for you!!!

i dont mean to be the wet blanket and all....but whatever you do keep a private bank account and just save money as you go along....i am not saying this relationship will go downhill but you are talking to someone who just went through it....now i am scrambling to get money together.....dont keep it a secert that your saving money on the side for yourself...but just dont give him the password or anything.....keep it for yourself....and only for yourself....good luck

Very good advice from everyone, thank you so much!!

The bank accounts will definitely stay separate. I don't know if we'll get a joint account to pay bills with but I won't give up my account, thats for sure.

He said he'll pay a bigger chunk of the rent but I'll be working by then so we'll see how we decide to split everything. The financial stuff is the biggest stressor but I'm not too worried about it. We'll both be saving money once we move in together and start splitting the bills. I don't think we'll be splitting the cable bill though....he pays in obscene amount for all his sports packages and I won't have a part in that one lol. We'll still pay our own cell phones and I'll pay for internet because thats more my thing than his (though he is excited about having a good computer and internet though).

He is so incredibly laid back. Nothing really gets to him. He's very calm in crisis situations. When my car was broken into he went right into crisis mode that he's trained for at work. Look at the facts, and what action can be taken. He has struggled with anxiety his whole life, so he has good coping mechanisms for situations like that.

One thing that I'm a little concerned about is his cats. He lets them walk on everything. My cat has never been allowed up on kitchen counters or the coffee table etc, so thats gonna have to change......

He's not a messy guy. Neither one of us keep a spotless place; we keep it tidy but we're both bad with dusting and stuff. I go through spurts where I dust haha, so I'm not too worried about the housecleaning. He never even uses his kitchen LOL!!! Whenever I've made us dinner here, he's good about helping clean stuff up.

And at his place, he puts the toilet paper on the way I do hahahah!!!! He does let his bathroom get messy but guess what....we'll have two. I'm gonna give him the bathroom off the bedroom and I'll take the one in the hall so that the public bathroom will be clean for guests haha.

I've been watching ever since we first started talking about moving in together. He's really very very considerate. He likes to fall asleep to music but I can't sleep to his music. When I stay at his place I put ear plugs in haha. But usually he's up later than me listening to his music, and at the new place the stereo won't be near the bedroom. At my place he falls alseep to the tv just fine so I don't think we'll have problems there, but I do plan on bringing that up.

We both use tmobile for our phones so we're thinking about getting the hotspot plan that they have, where all your calls at home are free and you get a wireless router. I can't wait to have wireless at home so that when I finally get a laptop I can be online anywhere in the house. I want to make the second bedroom the office, but I want to be on the computer with him in the living room too....so hopefully I'll get a laptop by then.

Anyway....I think I'm hitting most of the bases here.....does anyone have any other ideas? This is good stuff! I'm so glad I brought this up!

Congrats! I remember how I loved watching my husband when he and I started living together. I actually enjoyed getting to know him and all his personal quirks which did not happen with my first husband.

Enjoy!

((((ray)))) so happy to watch your relationship progress this way. i remember when i first moved in with my hubby in his itty bitty little apartment many years ago. looks like all the bases are covered by the others in this thread. wish you the best.

Thanks guys!! I'm getting excited even though its still pretty far off!!

That's wonderful news, Raynaadi! I wish you all the best!

sounds all so sweet and exciting...those are good times. Don't let all the little stuff bother you, I'm sure everything can be compromised...it'll be fun to share a place with somebody.

I went and talked to my apartment manager to make sure everything is a go and sure enough, they've got some people moving out of a two bedroom at the end of January so that will give them a month to ready the place for us. She told me which one it will be and its perfect!!!!!!!!!!! Its on the sunset side of the complex!!!!!!!!!!!!