Working on my looks is painful

I have very little interest in fashion, hair, and makeup. I am a nerd and I'd rather buy books than makeup. I don't really have much of an opportunity to dress up, as I work in healthcare, and am a frugal minimalist who don't go to fancy restaurants. I am also single and happy right now and really have no one to impress.

I think I can relate to the mentality of my girlfriends who cut their hair really short, wanting to have "less things to worry about" because it was too much to manage.

Now, don't get me wrong: I do bathe and groom. But putting on makeup feels like that "extra thing I need to worry about on my list," like a chore...

But I know I need to put makeup on because I often get commented about how "pale" or "tired" I look.

How can I make working on my looks more enjoyable and not so painful?

Maybe try one thing at a time? I just now put on some eye cream, because my eyelids have been so dry after my shower the last couple of times, they actually cracked the next day. Then when i put my eyeglasses back on to leave the bathroom, i looked at myself and was mildly shocked at how good my eyes looked. As you said, not AS tired.

My mother never taught me to take care of myself, it was always "it doesnt matter, nobody cares." So it takes a major attitude adjustment too.

I can't say I really enjoy putting on makeup and such, but I do like what I look like afterwards--maybe that's something you can keep in mind, so it doesn't seem as painful.

I agree with luna, start with one thing at a time. Boy was I ever miffed back in October when a stranger made some off handed comment *about me looking stressed. I, too, grew up being told that natural looking women who didn't have a full face on were more attractive. That beauty comes from within and on and on and on.
So, I very much appreciate and relate to your frustration. I'm still fuming because now a little mascara and either a swipe of lipstick or gloss is not enough. Now I must find ways to hide my 'tired'.
I've notived too that since I've embarked on this quest to hide not just tired but something that is completely genetic-i give you my three sons as examples 1, 2 and 3--they have it too the darkness/shadows under their eyes but they get to be so fortunate in certain ways because women are judged harder*-that I've gotten comments by those who otherwise never had nor would comment about looking more relaxed and less stressed. I don't have puffy *so I don't need that type of eye cream
Sooo....a caffenaited eye cream for me it is with a nice japanese makeup primer for under those eyes with 2 different tones of concealer..a concealer brush, then a brushing on of a translucent setting powder and voila. I have been wearing eyeshadow using some online tips from various youtubers. I'm not going smokey for work just a light shadow on my lid to make my eyes look more alert.
I used to read all these beauty tips etc as a teen and would spend hours back then. Then I grew out of feeling like it was important enough just some mascara and lipstick and even then I was concealing my undereyes.
Skin care though.....it starts with skincare.

Youtube has great tutorials.

I’m a minimalist also. It doesn’t even look like I have makeup on when I wear it but people tell me I look tired if I don’t. I want to learn contouring. Now that I am almost 50 I can tell my makeup application techniques are dated and not doing me many favors.

I think some department stores have folks who will make up someone's face for them and recommend their products. You really aren't under obligation to buy what they suggest. You might find comparable cheaper products somewhere else.

I also never cared. But it feels nice to look nice. YouTube has tons of tutorials, for whatever you're looking for. I've started using a basic moisturizing cream at night after I wash my face, I don't go full face make up yet either tho I'm thinking of it. (Maybe) right now since I have pretty fair skin I stick to light colored eye shadow like white, pink, rose gold, gold, silver and glitter. And I use eyeliner and mascara. Sometimes lip gloss tho I don't like junk on my lips except chapstick. Lol. The whole thought of a face full of makeup seems like to much. Layers seem like to much. My skin is fair and even, no blotches or pimples. So why cover it? I was this way in school too. Everyone was doing the makeup thing and I just did my eyes. I tried the foundation and powder and blush and stuff but ugh... I do mess with my hair. Just chopped it off a few months ago, now growing it back out. Needs to be bleached again, add some cool colors in.. and it's kinda curly. So fun.

I've been watching the "one minute makeup" tutorials, wanting to spend the least amount of time on the routine as possible...but I may need to move up to
2-minutes since I still look tired with a minimal makeup.

I learned recently while shopping that Ulta will do it for free. Of course, I haven't researched to verify but it was an online discussion whilst shopping that the Sephora/Ulta topic came up for something similar for someone else.

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Contouring involves bronzer/blush/highlight. I think Wayne Goss has some of the better tutorials.

My friend who is EXHAUSTED from working her behind off to support her large family forgot to take her makeup bag to work one day, and her co-workers gossiped about whether she was on drugs. I fear I look equally exhausted and I sometimes do get "looks" from people. I don't care about looking pretty but want to avoid looking "unkempt." Your looks does make a difference in social interactions even if you don't want to be judged for it because it is your "heart" that really matters.

I'm sorry that happened to your co-worker. Sadly, that's all too common, the gossiping that is. The thread in this section of the forum discussing territorial aggressions by women to women is spot on. I can only imagine what that might be like for your coworker. It's no secret where I live in my place of employment, and where I live has quite the reputation as a hubbub of "distribution" (of drugs not exaggerating) and also the landing spot of those discarded for addictions from surrounding communities (hence the large homeless population. That said what most neglect to recognise is that it's a quiet but large spiritual center(meaning more churches than one can count and loads of evangelicals and traditionals). So there's a telltale difference here between both sides of that path. Not that gossiping nitpicky critical masses care.
In the meantime, not looking exhausted has a huge effect in the workplace.
I hear you about wanting to limit the time and attention to it. It's a matter of finding what works best for you and getting it so routine that it's not taking more than but a few minutes of your time. I multitask between layers of skin care. Wash face/tone...grab clothes etc...I space it out.

Ennie, I would invest in longer-term care for your skin that would ensure that your skin tone is even (Retin-A at night, preferably prescription-strength - it takes one minute to apply a thin layer over the face, except for lips), in good nutrition with lots of fat and healthy hydration to ensure that your skin looks supple, and in ample sleep so that you look well-rested. Do that for three months and then re-evaluate if you still need makeup.

I will tell you a story. I do not use makeup but do the above and get ample sleep. One of my closest girlfriends is a young widow who is raising twin boys alone. She used to work as a beauty and health editor of a fashion magazine. She worked long hours and had a stressful commute. We live on different continents. I visited her once when her twins were toddlers (her husband died from a heart attack when she was 7 months pregnant). Her bathroom was like a storage room - every possible skin treatment on Earth, all because of the samples she had been bombarded with thanks to her job.

But she had tired, exhausted, pale skin that you felt sorry for, because all of those preparations are pretty useless if the basics aren't met and the key ingredient of luminous skin is sufficient sleep - ideally, enough so that you wake up without an alarm clock.

I agree with the skin care aspect. I was trying to understand why foundation isn't for me-it takes away my natural glow to be honest. I have genetic under eye circles/darkness so it doesn't matter how much or how little sleep I get with those. But I have been working on discovering the right combination of moisturizer and light concealer/setting powder to cover that in a non caked on way. My eyes and lips have always and will continue to be my makeup focus. Sometimes I wear eye shadow sometimes I don't. Mascara and lipstick or gloss have been and continue to be my go tos.
I double cleanse my skin most nights. I use a wash off mask/two actually one to exfoliate(gently) and one to hydrate about every two to three nights. I use moisturizers and a serum. Added retin a not too long ago as I was 'blessed' with the dreaded 11. That seems to be helping.

To add...sometimes I wear a primer as a foundation, one that has a collagen feature to it. And of course to add...sunscreen is important.

To summarize... A good must have look to a beauty cabinet/shelf includes a good cleanser/toner/serum or essence or oil/moisturizer/spf.

If you're looking for affordability...my recommends would be the ordinary or mark badescu. They are natural lines. I have been using but switching from an mlm and have those next on my list. My own personal collection looks different at the moment. These products All have shelf lives. But there's so much out there and everyone's skin care is different.

Be who you are. Hugs

Screw it all. Be there, be natural you.

Is there something "wrong" with being tired?

I have a young friend who works in the film industry and whose boss asks "Are you sick?" if she goes to work without make-up.

We all worked 50-60 hour weeks in my industry and we were all always tired, but had fun anyways.

I'm sorry this is painful for you Ennie - glad you can post about it!!!

Something can be wrong about looking tired, in the workplace. I'm more willing to leave my concealer off heading into the laundromat or running to the convenience store. In the workplace, it's sometimes better to not give ammunition or a reason for fingers points, gums flapping when things aren't going to plan, even things beyond ones control.

That said, back to good skin care. That eventually doesn't feel like a chore because in its own way it's self care. Skin is important and often most neglected. Make-up well, that can be optional. If you get the skin to glow, then there's really not much needed by the way of makeup.

My undereyes as I've learned it genetic. So the concealer is a tip and skill that I've learned more recently. I've been tossing concealer on under my eyes since I was a teenager not fully knowing why I had these 'circles' which aren't really circles. But I found out how to hide them. It's not perfect but I don't wear a lot of make up that's the thing. Just discovered this oil though. 2 drops on my upper cheeks to temples and wow. I look healthy during these winter months. Oh the things I never learned from mom, that is for sure.

Burt’s Bees bb cream makes you look fresh and healthy. It’s just a tinted moisturizer.

Good topic, thanks for posting

I can relate. My mother didn’t teach me how to take care of myself because “it doesn’t matter” (translated as I don’t matter..)

My early attempts at buying a very few clothes were punished ...

I was somewhat interested in clothes for a while.. but not in “fashion” - ugh at the “fashion police”

I used to wear a bit of make up sometimes
(But now I don’t.. allergies grrrr...)
(Although I could maybe use hypoallergenic blusher)

I find taking care of the bear painful...
(This isn’t helped by my extremely sensitive skin)

Like someone else suggested, maybe try one thing at a time...

Today I used soap rather than “cream” (prescribed) in the shower (bath) and it wasn’t as unpleasant

Hugs to you, this is tough for many of us with .... sub optimal ... “maternal units”