[random1human]

Now, this is about my mother, not me, i just thought i could ask here since there are probably some more experienced married women on here.

I am an 18-year-old still living with my mom and stepdad. they have been angry at each other for almost a week, ignoring each other, refusing to eat dinner with the family, 2 times yelling and 1 time him throwing a chair and storming out in rage. i think it is so petty.

they are fighting because a week ago we went to the zoo with my niece and we all hadn't eaten, we were tired and my mom said she was in a lot of pain and asked to go home before we had seen the last exhibit. we had been there for 4 hours walking in the heat and my stepdad got angry, took my niece the rest of the way without us and we went straight home, even though we had planned on going for dinner, and didn't speak a word to my mom for almost 3 days and he recently got sick( probably because of my brother and i who both got a bad cold i think so we felt similarly sick) and he was whining and at some point said his complaints were more valid cus he doesn't get sick much and my mom was being whiney.

this stuff has been going on so long, dinners are awkward and they seem to be fighting a lot. is this a normal fight? I know marriages arent perfect but this seems excessive to me. they're not kids and they're not recently married, they should have gotten over this by now right?

[ARaven0137]

Every couple is different, but, in my experience, this situation is fairly common. My relationship with my SO can be like this at times, but it's mostly a cold war with us not talking. With us, it has a lot to do with expectations. In my view, I'm not what he expected or wanted. I'm pretty sure he wanted a trophy wife and home maker. I ended up being a career woman and that doesn't sit well with him, being a constant flash point for us. We're going through a phase now where conflict is pretty frequent.

I hope it works out. I'm sorry that you're going through that. I can imagine how frustrating that is.

[*Beth*]

It might be fairly common, but the behavior is grossly immature, and not helpful for anyone.

[divine1966]

I don’t think it’s normal. I am married and we don’t have this kind of stuff happening at all. Personally if I had to live in such discomfort and subject my kids to this I’d rather be single. Occasional arguments are normal. What you described is very uncomfortable and in fact volatile. Sorry you live like this.

[random1human]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think it’s normal. I am married and we don’t have this kind of stuff happening at all. Personally if I had to live in such discomfort and subject my kids to this I’d rather be single. Occasional arguments are normal. What you described is very uncomfortable and in fact volatile. Sorry you live like this.

thanks, its weird because they have been married 8 years and only in like the past 3 years have they fought like this. he stopped smoking and that led to some fights from the moodiness of withdrawal, he relapsed cus he used to be addicted to some pain pill and recently he randomly isn't home, like hell just leave for a while., I'm not sure if they talked about that one but they definitely didn't tell the kids.

[Travelinglady]

No, it's not really normal, in the sense that your folks are acting immaturely and doing a poor job of dealing with anger. They really need to see a marriage counselor, but I doubt your dad would be willing. I'm sorry you have to see all that. Please learn from it and don't bring those behaviors into any relationships you have with men, dear one.

( I have been married for 31 years.)