Life Changes - Reaching OUT

Greetings,

I have been going through some major life changes:

Father died of lung cancer in July 2007
Walked out of a full-time position in December
Grandmother passed away in December 2007
Break up (again) of a 3-year old relationship last week

I have been in a state of sleeping, rarely getting out, lived by
myself in Texas (all the family members are in Taiwan), Fortunately I do eat.

I feel my father death has major impact on my life, I seem to be in a
state of restructuing my belief system, when I walked out of the job I hated, it was like a "divorce" situation to me, I had to leave to
restore myself, the environment was too toxic for me.

As Asian American, I was treated different at this big corporation:

With the same job title (Paralegal in this case), though I was there
before the other paralegal (American and is a good friend of the
hiring attorney), I had to work in a hall way while the other was
provided a nice window-view office. I have the heavy work load, the other has very light work, I had to work long hours while the other works on reduced hours. While taking time to attend my father's funeral in July last year (one week), I used my PTO, then I was sick as the result of the flu shot and I could not believe this hiring attorney threaten to discipline me just because I took the time off to recover flu shot.

As this is the new management, the attorneys have no experiences in mangaing the work, I was working with the outside law firms to handle my job responsiblitties. No one in house could supervise my work.

They finally hired one attorney who was supposed to be the "expert" in the field from other state, as the way to show he had authortiy over me and the work I had been handling, he verbally implied to me that he "could let me go". My reporting of his verbal threatening resulted a very hostile work situation, even I requested HR invesitgation, HR chose to ignore my grievance.

I knew it was a right decision to walk out that toxic job, I have
been thinking there must to be a better way to live my life, I did
not come to America to be abused.

I am grateful and peaceful that I made peace with my father before he passed away, I am grateful I saw my grandmother when I attended my father's funeral.

My goal is to get outside today, I have been staying indoor a lot, I
had that pattern during winter and windy days.

AS listening to Caroline Myss's Advanced Energy Anatomy, the Power of our choice, she mentioned about God would not be urging me to leave a difficult work place / relationsip unless HE has a better place for me. I believe in Co-Creation.

Just feel I need to reach out and connect to the world.

Thanks for listening!

JJ

JJ, very glad you are taking care of yourself. Sounds like a very toxic workplace, not to mention, abusive. I have left places for similar sorts of reasons but not full-time jobs. When I was dubbed "Dead File Queen" at an engineering firm, you can guess where my "office" was :-) The owner there once had me saving paperclips off of folders we were throwing out in preparation for moving because my time was cheaper than the paperclips in a sense.

Hope you have some breakthroughs and good leads after you get some good R&R I've read a little Carolyn Myss, Anatomy of the Spirit I think the book was.