someone who went through this

Its so great to see you again. And thank you so much. Its alright though, there were alot of people here giving support. Just you responding makes my day.

love ya
chal

((((((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))) love ya too

man, today just aint a good day. My regular doctor has called me a few times today. I just got off the phone with her agian. She has an appt set up on the 29th with a Specialist at the breast center. She said i will be seeing this specialist every 2 months unless she wants to see me more than that. My doctor said she hasnt heard from the Breast Center doctor and radiologist yet today. They are having a meeting concerning bringing me back in this week or next about the biopsy i had and the tumor they found while doing the biopsy. My doctor said because of my past with tumors in the breast she wants more eyes and more time spent on me. She told me i have this certain thing with my breast (i cant remember the name i was numb listening to her) that puts me in the catagory of having a 99.9% chance of getting breast cancer and that it would not be at a stage of 1 or 2. It would be a higher stage and harder to control.

so i guess im screwed no matter what. A .1% chance, believe me, with my luck i wont be in that percent. Now i just have to sit and wait till the day it happens. I already asked them to just cut em both off, but they wont do that.

I want this to just be over with. Im sick and tired of it all. My body, mind cant handle it no more.

(((((((((((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))))))))))))
thinking of u.. if only they wood just hurry up and decide (with ur input of course) the waiting around part sucks. maybe u will get lucky this time.. try and stay positive hun.. i know its hard.. ur a wonderful person and its about time life threw u a good day.. im sooooo sorry that u have to go thru this.. its just not fair!
feel free to send a vent pm/msg anytime..
xoxoxoxo

I just got another call from my doctor a minute ago. Im getting really scared here. She told me the Specialist is wanting to make the appt earlier than the 29th. But the day she wants to see me i have an appt with my new pdoc at the same time. I asked my regular doctor what its called that i have. She said its called DCIS. I looked it up, it aint good. I hate this, i want to cry but i cant. She said instead of waiting for the 3 months to do more mammorgrams they are going to do some on the 29th too. Its something to do with the tumor they found and the microcalcifations.

I cant think straight. I want to run away.

(((((((((((((chalm))))))))))))))
hang tight chalm .. im with u all the way hun.. we love u .. im hoping for the best... just do what u need to do...
(((((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((chalm))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry I did not see this sooner
No running away hon
I know you want to ,.....but we all love you here
I know your scared I understand
Bunnies and I are holding tight to you
(((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))

Here for you too hon .... just a pm away ..... love you Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

((((Bunnies)))))((((Jinny)))))(((((Muffy))))

thank ya'll. Ya'll stay with me on this. I'm scared shitless. I jsut got a call from my doc a little bit ago calling to see how i am. She asked me if im ready for the appt on monday. I told her no and said whats running thorugh my head. She told me this first meeting shouldn't be anything to stress me out on. She said the specialist is mainly going to just examine me, might take some more mammograms, then will sit down and talk to me about whats going on and my options. I'm hoping so bad that she doesnt do the mammograms, i'm still very bruised and sore and those new machines hurt like hell.

Even though my doctor told me those things. Ah, that isnt going to calm me any. I can see myself that morning taking 3 klonopin like i did for the biopsy. I was shaking so bad and just couldnt stop. I just want to hear it'll all be fine, no surgery will be needed and there is no way, no how you have cancer.

Cant get this out of my head. I keep trying. There are a few things i want to do around the house, but my dad wont give me the screwdriver tool thing. They are just hiding the stuff on me. I'm bored. I walked before down the street, but got sick of the view, so came home. I tried to read a book, but my concentration sucks and wouldnt stay on the book. I dont know. Ya'll have any ideas on what i could do?

OK Chal,

You have a doggie??? (sorry, I can't remember if you do or not)....if not, you can borrow one of mine, or probably one that is much closer to you, but take it out for a walk & then get into playing with it & hugging.....I know it doesn't take it all away, but the time & energy spent completely absorbd with a pet (especially any dog if its like mine) will take your mind completely off what you have going on.....not permant, but at least long enough to give you a rest from your anxiety level

If not that, maybe you could just run, like you are running away from it.....but it will get some good feelings going inside of you & those will last for awile. When you come back after distractions, it usually helps the mind put things into prespective.

It's a matter of getting your head as far away from where it is right now as you possibly can......with whatever works for you.

You are in my prayers Chal........I know that prayers work.....& miracles happen in this real world of ours.

Debbie

(((((((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))))))))))))
i wish i could take it all away.. im soo sorry u have to go thru this.. it isnt fair ..
take ur meds in the morning and just remember to breathe .. take one step at a time and it will be over quick..
im not sure what u can do hun to get it off ur mind.. music, writing... or borrow someones pet for a while..
days go fast and we are all wishing n praying for good things to happen ...

(((((((((((chalm))))))))))))
just dont forget how much we love u...

(((( chalm )))) yes, i am going through the same thing you are right now. just not my breast. i had my thyroid removed monday. still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. i know how scary it is. PM me any time you need to.

(((Chalm))) I would think by now they would be using the newer technology, beyond the mammogram machine that squishes!!! Ask them if they have other to offer, which is more of a cat scan imaging. It shows much more than the painful mammogram. (I will only have the ultrasound imaging at this point, I don't handle the pain of the mammo itself anymore!) But there's the more precise imaging of the cat scan...
breast ct scan, or even an MRI.

((((Gentle hugs))))

Thank ya'll so much. Tomorrow morning is the morning. Wish me well. I'm not at all ready for it, but yeah, i know i need to go. And i'm going to go.

Will let you know what happened.

(((((((((((((((chalm)))))))))))))))))

thinking of you

xo

I saw the specialist early this morning. She sat with me and asked a whole lot of questions. Prior to me getting there, the records for my Aunt who past from stage 4 breast cancer were compared to my records. The specialist said they found similarities in both records.

But, they put me at stage 0, which is that DCIS thing. She told me that the tumors and microcalcifications i have, have not started at this time to invade the normal tissue.

She examined me and felt some of the tumors and went easy on the breast i had the biopsy on since its still bruised, swollen and sore.

She said she thinks it would be fine with me coming back in 6 months, instead of the 3. But when i do go back i have to see her first for an exam, then i'll have numerous mammograms done on both sides. And an ultrasound after that.

I told her about my experience with the biopsy. the laticane not working and me feeling the entire procedure. She told me she can promise me i will have more of those done, but prior to doing them we will talk. I told her right there in the office that i will refuse to have it done if its with laticane.

She said a whole hell of alot more, but i was so nervous and scared i kinda took a little to many klono and forgot most of it.

(((((((((((((Ya'll))))))))))Thank you so much for caring, sharing and being here for me. I love you all.

chal

((((((((((((((((((chalm))))))))))))))))))))

im glad there was a least what we can call some good (maybe better) news in that...
heres hoping they will keep a close watch and it never gets any worse...

at least now u can relax a lil.. breathe and sigh a lil relief..

love ya always chalm..

take care of u.. xo