It still bothers me and I dont know why?

Hello Everyone

This is probably my tenth post on the subject of me not feeling comfortable being surrounded by so many women in the program I am in at school.

I dont know what it is...I cant put my finger on it. All I can say is that I feel uncomfortable being surrounded by so many women. I have feelings of insecurity, powerlessness, inferiority, feeling of being judged...etc

How can I weed through my feelings and not be so uptight and angry when I am surrounded by so many women (49 to be exact). I feel like the walls are caving in on me at times. How do I not let the behaviors or comments from other women (comments not directed at me) affect me so?

I dont hate women (I am female by the way)...i just have never felt "at their level" or on "equal footing" with women.

Zen888

All I can offer is a hug, since I am the same way. I feel inferior in any group of women of any age, size, profession, etc. I also feel as if I wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Even if I have something I know is intelligent or correct to say, I won't. I have no problem in a group of men--it is soooo not flirting, I just am more comfortable and feel more secure. I'm sure it's something to do with childhood, etc., I just don't know how to get over it!

I am kind of like that too. I feel inferior to most other women myself.

Yeah, I've felt like that, too. I don't have any advice. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

So how effective would it be if we formed a group of women who are uncomfortable around other women. We'd have to meet by ourself! Not to make light of it, because as I said, I am so uncomfortable too. I was just thinking there's support groups for everything else, but this wouldn't work!!

I am really uncomfortable around other women, I've never been able to figure out why but I think it started during my teenage years. I also don't have any advice, just wanted to throw out a me too.

ok I do have some experience that might shed some light on this situation. as many of you know I was a truck driver for 8 yrs. 4 of those years I trained other drivers. my first 2 students were female. One thing I learned is women are very competitive. It was horrible to the point I finally told our training dept I would no longer train women. maybe we are all feeling silent competition between women. I saw it all the time in the work force. just a thought and my obersvations

I think you are absolutely right. It's not only feeling inferior, it's competing and feeling inferior.

I agree totally! The women in my program are very competitive and I think it gets in the way of getting to really know each other. Pray for me or send me positive vibes ......caus I am surrounded by 49 women!!

Zen888

will do hon. hang in there. you never know though hon they may be feeling the same way.

i know just how you feel. like when theres a class of completely girls, its kinda daunting. like i cant feel comfortable and i get paranoid about who hates me and who doesnt
as far as i know, its normal
so everyone might bee feeling this way =]
x

I can relate to this, as well as all the other posters on this thread! I know in some cultures, such as the American one, women are not raised to be openly competititve. Men are encouraged to do it, and even are praised for it.

Women are taught to be nice, to want to be popular, etc. So when they are in a competitive situation, they can be so back-stabbing and more vicious than men! The only way women would compete with each other (for centuries) openly would be in getting a man or taking away a man from a woman! Now that we're more "equal" to men in the workplace, etc. you have women who will cut down anyone who gets in their way!

That's my 2 cents...whew! Felt good to get that off my chest!

I agree, Can'tStop! I also forgot to say that if all of us on this thread were in one room together, would we be bonding like this over this subject? LOL Probably not! LOL The Internet is an interesting medium, to say the least!

you know what though, if women were less worried about competition among us and more supportive of each other, all of us would have fewer problems. We're put into this position of gender-related enmity because we get fewer resources in the first place (lower pay, less time due to housework and predominant responsibility for children, etc), so we feel we have to fight more for things. And, we do. But personally I try to operate on the belief that by supporting other women and not acting cut-throat or competitive, I will benefit, or the next generation will.

In other words, if you don't act intimidated or inferior in a group of women, or judge them, others will eventually learn from your example.

You have a point....Yet, easier said than done. Also, women did not even have the right to VOTE here (U.S.) until the 1920's! That speaks volumes of our second class status, and how as a result we've had to "work twice as hard as men to be half as good." Someone actually said that once; unfortunately I don't know the name of that person. 75 cents for every dollar a man earns, for the same job too.

I worked at an internship over the summer and it was 7 girls and one guy. I was actually amazed that it wasn't 7 girls fighting over 1 guy. I don't know why it turned out that way but I think a lot of it has to do with what program youre doing. The internship I was doing was an outdoors, diry, sweaty job that involved hiking and being disgusting at the end of the day. So we werent really concerned with competing with each other cause, face it, we were all pretty gross lol. But, I dont know what program this is for, but if its something thats not so down and dirty like that I can see where the competition comes in.

And one of my favorite lines is 'no one can make you feel inferior without your permission'. You know that these girls are saying things because theyre jealous/bored whatever. I always believe that living the better life is the best revenge. So if they are miserable enough to do things like that, just brush it off. And them seeing you hold your head up high will be the best revenge on them being mean or nasty. And Ive found that it just gets easier with time. After a while I just stopped caring what people thought about me. And it got easier when I got some good friends who liked me for exactly who I am. That made me realize that as long as my good friends care about me, I dont care what some random people say/think about me. Hopefully you seeing that people here care about you will make this transition a little easier on you

Let me start with I feel the same way however, I think it is because we as women know how other women think we judge each other on clothes, make-up, current styles pedicures down to who date or marry who we choose to hang around we talk bad about each other so why would we feel comfortable around what we see as inferior to our selves .

I am pretty much the same way. I am terribly uncomfortable. Women can be malicious. There's this saying, I'm a nurse and I constantly surrounded by them, but it's "the doctors bury their mistakes, and the nurses eat their own" and that is the reason why I hate my career! Women can be sooooo malicious. My mother was pretty bad until she died, so maybe it's because she was so critical. Whatever the reason, I am with you on this one.

we can have a go about sexism and that were always judged because of our gender by men.. but dont we all do that to eachother? eeevery woman ive ever met judges people, even if its in a good way, someones always supposed to be better than everyone else...
so then we have to worry about equality with eachother popularity personality weight or looks wise as well as with the other gender, who only judge others by their manhood or whatever...
this stuff makes my head hurt =/....

I started thinking.... I know that a lot of girls (and guys for that matter) dont really care for me. But theyre usually the ones who don't know me more than rumours or a first time aquaintance. And Ive been told that its because Im very outspoken. Not necessarily that these women don't agree with what Im saying, but speaking your mind is a show of confidence. And confident women are (usually) looked upon differently than confident men. Confident men are go-getters and courageous.... whereas confident women are just plain *****es (for lack of a better word). And it can be seen as a threat by other women. So if youre like me, and dont really have a filter haha, then that could be another reason.

And I agree, if we all quit being so petty and focused on the good in each other and not competition, we would be a lot farther along then we are. Sadly enough thats a lot of the reason it took women so long to get the vote, equal rights in the office etc... No matter how hard we try, we always find a way to make it a competition.

And (im a science nerd) if you think about it from an evolutionary stand point it makes sense to feel like youre in competition and to think that way because thats how were "programmed" to survive. Not that its right... just saying.