[Wants2Fly]

I have been stringing together part-time employment from teaching and occasional writing jobs for a year. Now even the p/t jobs are thinning out as colleges cut back.

I am 61 and 11 days old. I have no family or friends to turn to. Which is my fault for having an unacceptable personality. I live in an apartment I bought in 05 that is now worth half the mortgage and assessments for hurricane damage that happened the year after I bought. Nonetheless, the mortgage is considered too small to qualify for any of the prez's big bailout plans. Believe me, I have consulted with attorneys about this.

I cannot afford a new a/c system, and I live in South Florida. I pull out the broken shower handle with a screwdriver. Can't afford a plumber to fix that, either.

I have a stress related illness. I can no longer rush around like a mad person to fulfill an employer's extravagant demands. I don't have it in me to pretend that stupid requests are welcome.

My savings for retirement are in shreds. I have three degrees. I am not stupid but sure live a stupid life.

My identity is not wrapped up in what I do, but self-esteem is very contingent on being able to provide for myself. So not earning a good living, not having money for a/c, maybe having to bail on the apartment and lose my down payment and improvements (I did make some), it's all hit me hard. Many sleepless nights.

How does a person manage to work for 40 years and end up with . . . nothing? How does a person cope with this?