[lenjan]

Sept. 1 will put me at exactly 11 months without a full-time job. If something doesn't change soon, I am going to hit the one-year mark. I can't stand it. Everyone has complimented me throughout on how well I've done, all things considered, but you know what? It is kicking my big fat butt. I am spiraling rapidly into one of those endless black holes all depressives know and loathe....thinking bad thoughts involving maladaptive coping skills, which I thought I was beyond....and just feeling like crap, in general. I'm middle-aged, living with a relative because I can no longer afford to be on my own, my industry is dead and I didn't expect to have to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up at this stage of my life.

I did pick up another freelance gig, but the general populace seems to be completely deluded when it comes to imagining you can make a living as a freelancer. Standard pay rate is 5-10 cents a word. This particular job is giving me 4 cents a word, and I'm limited to around 400 words per story. By the time they take taxes, etc, out of my paycheck there isn't going to be much to it.

So, here I sit, trying to force myself to get up and get dressed every day whether I like it or not, trying to eat whether I want to or not, all that fun stuff that comes with a major depressive episode, and, as also tends to happen with those, I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Or at least not one that doesn't belong to an oncoming train.

[Seabirdanne]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. At least you have a picture (graphic, I guess) in your name box. I can't even figure out how to do that. See? You're better off than someone. I'm having a bad day, too. The thing is, someday good days happen again. At least I hope so. Hang in there lenjan. Look at all the cool stuff you are at psychcentral and and then look at all the good things you are in other parts of your life. I'm just a junior member, which sounds like junior mint. Who wants to be a junior mint? In the words of the great -- well I don't remember who sang it -- but, "Don't worry, be happy." (Bobby McFarrin?)

[Lboogieg]

Honestly lenjan, I feel you. I've been searching for employment for a little over a year now. I'm not sure if I was as vigorous as you were, but I've been trying a little harder lately. I've got a car note and insurance to keep paid for, never mind my student loans (which are already piling up late).

As you do, I live with relatives (in my case, my folks) because I don't make enough working with my dad to move out (which I desperately want to do). My friends and I want to move into an apartment together, because they all live with their parents as well. The economy sucks right now!

There is one area where we differ, though; while you're middle-aged, I'm in my early 20s and just graduated from college a year ago.

Even though I'm still quite young and have lots of time to get into the job market, I have debts I'm struggling to work on and definitely know where you're coming from. I basically live off mom and dad, and let me tell you, it's not a good feeling being dependent as old as I am.

I agree with Seabirdanne, though; we both just have to hang in there! Eventually our break will come. I grapple with depression a little bit, but I have good days and bad days. I trust that we'll both find financial prosperity soon enough, probably when we least expect it.

[lenjan]

Oooh, yeah, you had the misfortune of graduating into one of the worst job markets ever. My sympathies. I have nieces and nephews in your age group who are running into the same thing.

Oct. 1 was a year for me. The rejections keep piling up. I got a form rejection letter last week from a copyediting job I'd applied for. They spelled my name wrong. That about sums it up for me lately.

Worst part? I'm really starting to have a hard time caring anymore. I have 3 other siblings and some old friends to mooch off if this one throws me out. I'm entirely too old to be couch-surfing, but hey -- if no one's going to hire me, it's that or a cardboard box under the nearest bridge ....

I do hope things pick up for the both of us soon.

[Lboogieg]

What a shame! I'm sorry to hear about all the employer rejections. I've gotten a few rejection letters, but most of the time my problem is not following up because I usually just don't hear anything back.

Honestly, I'm having a hard time caring too. I'm lazy as heck and that is one of my biggest problems. The student loan people are on my back and my car note and insurance are due at the end of the month and I'm getting really stressed out. I already grapple with mild depression and that seems the reason why I've got so little motivation to work.

I hear you about the cardboard box thing too. I'm from Michigan and our economy is one of the worst in the country. It's kind of annoying, and all the talking heads keep talking about how things will pick up or are picking up. I say BS!

Anyway, like I said we'll find our jobs eventually. It's important we don't run out of motivation completely. We're all here for each other on PC, we're here for support. Keep your head up!