Feeling doomed

I lost my job in Feb. of 2009. I had misses too much work because of hospitalizations. I did have notes from my doctor as to why I missed work (well, the notes said that I was ill there was no mention of mental illness). But on the last day I worked I started having hallucinations. I opened up to my boss and told him I was BP and that I was having hallucinations and that I didn't know if I was going to be able to stay or not. 20 minutes later I get called into a meeting room by my director and in the room were two policeman and two ambulance guys! Good my boss was stupid! There was no need to call the cops on me. I was hallucinating but not delusional. I having suicidal ideation but no plans. Still, they hauled me away to the hospital with the policemen escorting me along the way. I have never been so humiliated.

I was never allowed to return to work except that one week later I was told I could return. When I got there I was called into an office and I was laid off. Obviously they didn't want someone with mental illness to work for them even though I had worked for them for 3 three years.

Fast forward to now, I am now living with my mom and on Welfare. I still haven't found a job. I am so depressed that some days I cannot get out of bed and I have suicidal ideation. I try as hard as possible to find a job but the economy is so bad here that I don't have much of chance to find one. I want to move out West where there are more jobs but I don't have the money to make the move.

I never thought I would be in this position. I am very unhappy but I keep trying to move forward.

Maxime, I'm so sorry it's so difficult for you now. Can you think of a couple other things you might like to do/try besides necessarily looking for a job? Maybe take a class of some sort or volunteer (and perhaps meet people who will know people who know people for a job, that sort of thing?) If you can get involved in something other than just looking for jobs that aren't there it might help?

I think there are always rumors of jobs "somewhere else" but it's like the proverbial, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence thing.

Hi Maxime - so sorry to hear about your troubles. Were you able to apply for short term disability? Many companies have those policies for their employees.

As you say - keep moving forward! all the best,

jb

Thank for the responses. I do a lot of volunteer work. I am a literacy tutor, I'm on a fundraising committee, and I volunteer at a thrift shop. All this is for the same organization. But I need something to live off!

I could apply for disability and get about double the amount I am getting now but my pdoc doesn't think I am disabled and he won't sign the forms.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I can't believe this. Your pdoc won't sign the forms?? You need to go to another doctor, I know that's probably the last thing you want to deal with right now, but being disabled means being unable to do your job. Your company obviously doesn't believe you can have this illness and still do your job (which I'm sure isn't true) so you need to go on disability, you need to find a doc who will work with you, not against you.

I would see if you can't parlay one/some of those into at least a part-time job. I know my local community college hires tutors: http://www.harford.edu/Tutoring/FAQ....=Academics&FB=

Do you know professionals on the fundraising committee that might need help in their businesses; I use to volunteer at the library and got to talking with a patron and another patron overheard and liked "me" and hired me.

I got a job at a store, but I figured out that what I will earn, MINUS the money on gas (it's far) that I will be earning less than what I would on Welfare. It doesn't make sense. A lot of people told me to keep the job anyway because it might lead to things, but I don't what to do. Working for less than what I would receive on Welfare just doesn't make sense to me.

Thoughts? guidance?

I would rather contribute and be "out there" in case anything better came along than be stuck in the apartment with my mother on welfare? Why not make a plan of what you'd like to do: http://wishcraft.com/ you don't have to be in that job forever. What kind of store is it, why not move up into management (if you like retail) or into accounting or into a different retail situation with large ticket items where you could earn commission on sales. Working at a store and with the public is a very good exercise in and of itself. I use to love when I worked at Sears, Roebuck ($95 a week before taxes) because I would imagine all the possibilities in life; it's a little like reading the yellow pages of a phone book to me and imagining doing any of those occupations, wondering how they'd be and different roles one could play.

I often, when I see a vacant storefront, imagine what kind of store I'd put in there if I wanted to own a store and how I'd advertise it, run it, whether it would fit with that neighborhood and the surrounding stores, etc. The more you are "out" the more you can see and the greater the possibilities. Maybe you can meet someone and share the gas money?

Well, I decided to stick to job. But I guess it wasn't meant to be because yesterday they called and told me not to bother coming in and to call the manager on Monday (she is on vacation). I don't know what I did to piss them of. I worked really hard, made a lot of sales and I enjoyed what I was doing. I have been crying since I got that call yesterday. I can't seem to stop. LOSER. PATHETIC. BURDEN TO SOCIETY.

Wait! How do you know they just can't afford you, maybe need you to work less? If you were fired, I think they wouldn't have bothered with asking you to call the manager (and I don't think they would fire you with her on vacation), I think they may just not have enough hours for you or something. Do call the manager and get a good reference if that's the case so you can get another job, quicker (hopefully with a store that needs someone more hours and can afford it).

I think I would be contacting the EEOC. Mental Illness is a diability not a choice. How long did you work for the company?