[nonightowl]

I wonder if any of you get shocked or condescending reactions from people (including employers) if you're unemployed. Do you get questions from people you don't even know like, "Do you work? Why not?" or "What do you do?" "Why aren't you working?"

I'd especially like to hear from people in countries other than the U.S. on this. Do people ask that question a lot, like at parties or something?? I once read that in France, it is rude for people to ask, "What do you get paid" or "What do you DO?" If you are in France, is that true? Anyone know? Is this an American thing?

I think it's some kind of cultural thing in the U.S., but I don't know how it all started. And even in this recession (which isn't over if millions are still out of work), it's like living in an alternate universe. People just assume you work; I mean it's a "prosperous" time right? They say, "Oh, did you just get off work?" How do they know you work at all????!!! Maybe you just got laid off. It's like a slap in the face or a knife in the heart! It's none of their business if you do or not, but I've noticed how stunned they are if you say you don't. Some have the gall to press the issue, asking WHY not and acting as if YOU have a problem in not explaining yourself to THEM! (One of my favorite emoticons, esp. on this subject)

I think it is much more of a US thing, because we tend to work more hours and define ourselves more by our profession (generally speaking) than the people of other countries. We should be talking to others about what we like TO DO, rather than what we do for a living all the time....with the layoffs and economy, it's a tough time for people who have been out of work.
I was telling people I was a "stay at home wife" for a little while...they were looking at me funny....i always try to diffuse the uncomfortable stupid questions with humor when I can...
When someone asks if you just got off of work, you can just say "no". I think we have a big tendency to overexplain -it's nobody's business whether we are working or not.

[Rose76]

Owl, I hope your thread does attract responses from abroad. I, too, am unemployed. Yes, things get said to me that make me feel like your emoticon (banging head 'gainst wall.) It hurt me when, at a depression support group in my town, when someone said that there are lots of jobs in the field I worked in and he can't see why I am having trouble. I truly believe this person had absolutely no idea how rude the remark was. It was said, I believe, to make me feel encouraged. So, I am going to add on "dumb" to rude. I agree with Jaded, above, in that here in the US our culture of self-reliance goes extreme at times. So - like - if I don't have a job, then I am a burden to society. Since becoming unemployed, I avoid my neighbors. They're nice and we got along great, but they asked things they had no business asking. Now I feel like I'm an object of pity within the small complex in which I live. Again, none of them seemed to have any idea that I don't need to be interrogated. So I politely pulled away from them. But, I feel like there is this huge stigma on me. You raise a good question. How would I be regarded in another part of the world, especially Europe, or even nearby Canada.

[pgrundy]

I get it in a different way. I'm in the U.S., and I finally found a part-time minimum wage retail job at Christmas. I still have it--not many hours per week though--and my employers are very, very critical and constantly let me know they think I'm not good enough, even though I work really hard and never call in, never give them a minute of trouble.

Yet when I see (some) relatives, they're always like, "Don't lose that job, be sure you keep that job, you need that job," and so forth, as if this is the only thing going on in my life that matters. And since I'm not doing so well at it (by my employer's standards) it just adds more stress. I'm 58, I have two degrees, and six years ago I was making $20/hr with an annual bonus and benefits. Now I'm not good enough for minimum wage and feel constantly on edge. I don't want to be out of work again, but come on. I'm not that big of a loser--they are just jerks. Employers can be as demanding as they want to be now. We are all as disposable as tissue.

It took me two years to find this job after losing my last one in the crash of 2008. But it's a BAD job. It certainly isn't who I am, it's just something I do for money--and not much money either. I get so tired of people acting like they have to tell me to desperately hang on--as if that's even within my control. All I can do is show up and do my best.

It gets frustrating, yes. Very, very, very.

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by pgrundy

Yet when I see (some) relatives, they're always like, "Don't lose that job, be sure you keep that job, you need that job," and so forth, as if this is the only thing going on in my life that matters.

That kind of behavior on the part of relatives/in-laws drives me right up a wall. It's so obnoxious that you have to wonder, are they aware of how rude and overbearing they sound, or are they completely clueless?

[Perna]

We can't use the weather for everything We have to start conversations with people we don't know well in the "obvious" places where we might connect? Approximately 90% of the people who want to, work in the U.S. but I have no trouble, being retired, saying I do not. I think there is a self-imposed negative feeling for those without work to feel negative about that, to assume because one is asked about one's work and one doesn't work, that the other person is judging one negatively.

Usually, people ask us questions because they're interested! Yes, another way to categorize some people and their questions is "nosy" :-) but if I'm asked a question I don't feel like answering, my own thought is that it's too "personal", etc. ("When are you going to get pregnant?" asked of young married women by their female friends and relatives comes to mind) then I tell the person that or slightly misunderstand the question and tell them about my hobbies, that I'm currently looking for a job as a _____ do they know anyone who might be hiring, etc. In my case, I generally tell people I'm retired and then make fun of them because they still have to work!

My stepmother got extremely upset when I quit my "perfectly good job" to go out on my own, become a consultant, and swore I would not get a penny of help from she and my father. I was upset about that show of "support" :-) until I realize that she had lived through the Great Depression and her point of view was wholly different from anything I could understand. Other people are like that, they have different points of view. If they point their view in my direction and I don't like it, I respond with a pleasant non answer.

If you don't like the person, the next time they ask what you "do" tell them, "I don't, I prefer to be on the public dole"

[racee]

i havent gotten any reactions from people one way or they other about me not working. allthough at the same time, i'm as well not getting unemployment. so maybe theres two questions here. how do people view you as an "unemployed?
and how do people view you as unemployed and recieving money from the government for assistance"? and than theres the whole how long have you been off work
i dont care one way or the other if your working , it doesn't effect me none,
if you need money and looking than ok if you don't need the money as bad and not really lookin i say more power to you! hey who wants to work all the time. and if your recieveing assistance, well than hey you put into that money, it's rightfully yours, take it when you need it.
when people ask me if i work, i say nope! with a smile on my face, "aren't i lucky" wish yyou could be me hunh!....sometimes people act snooty just cause theyr jelous

[Eljay]

Hi! Well, I am from South Africa and the unemployment here is huge, huge, huge... But still I get the impression that people rate your success (or whatever!) in life by what you do. I absolutely hate that. There is no way that a job can define who a person really is. That is such a harsh way of judging people. And when you say you don't have a job, then mostly people tend to look so uneasy as if they don't know if they should feel sorry for you or think you're lazy and a burden on others. But people here are also very nosy, I think. It's as if everybody thinks it is their right to know everything about everybody else. Even if they don't know you well, they want to know what you do. And of course if you say: I can't work at the moment 'cos of psychiatric problems, they don't have any idea what to answer or where to look!

[Impulsive1]

I know that feeling, especially from people wher I interview for a job. it's like, if you're so good, why are you still unemployed. They act like they only want to hire people who already have a job. And relatives ... don't get me started, lol

[Rose76]

Yesterday afternoon I accompanied my boyfriend to the airport to pick up his daughter-in-law, flying in from far away, on a business trip to our area of the country. I've not met the young lady more that a few times, briefly. Less than 2 minutes after exchanging hugs, she sidled up to me asking about my employment status. (I guess she heard through the family grapevine that I had lost my job.) I mean we were literally just leaving that place which is the closest you can now get to await incoming airline passengers. After flying 2000 miles, THAT was the most pressing thing on her mind. And we hardly know each other. I felt vaguely humiliated, but muttered some baloney to play down the loss I've endured . . . like, something to the effect that I'm on the verge of getting new employment. (which I'm not.)

We all went out to dinner, and I found her to be an absolutely lovely person, and so easy to be with. Within a few hours, we knew each other better and seemed to feel congenially toward each other. At that point, I did not mind talking a bit about my employment dilemma. But, why, in heaven's name, would anyone would ask such a personal question of someone they are only tangentially connected to . . . and do it as the priority issue to be explored, 15 minutes after deplaning? That is something I just am completely perplexed by. To top it all off, she herself has a nice job that she got based on her ability to interact very nicely with other people. How is it that a person, gracious in every other respect, can have this one blind spot regarding another person's feelings?

I've always felt that, as a rule of thumb, I would not ask anyone a question to which the answer might involve their having to address something that might be an unhappy topic for them. And that could be a lot of things. I mean - you start with something real broad and open - like - "So, how are you, Rose? You're looking well." Then wait and follow the other person's lead.

I think, in Asia, it's even a very important part of the culture that you not set up a person to have to "lose face." I guess we westerners are still somewhat barbaric!

[krisakira]

I am 22 and on disability and what seems to be the question of the year among my relatives for me is, "So what do you DO all day?" It ticks me off, because they would never understand that simply living with a mental disability IS my full time job. They think I have it best: I don't work, and I still get paid (SSI).

[Rose76]

krisakira, I wonder do your relatives have any idea about how reluctant the federal government is to approve giving anyone either SSI, or SSDI?? From what I've learned, it's not like your pdoc just writes a little note, and then you get approved.

Congratulations on your time accrued not having SI. May it continue.

[Melinae]

Thanks for this thread

[mistica]

This attitude that some of you speak of towards unemployed people frustrates me a lot. I think some of it, on my part, is self-inflicted, in that I get embarrassed when people ask what I do and I have to explain that I'm unemployed. Luckily I haven't had any reaction to that other than support from the people I do talk to so far (except for interviewers who ask about it like it's such a bad thing and how dare I not have been continually employed for the last 10 years of my life), but it kind of sucks, because on the one hand we're in a recession and several, several people are unemployed, but I don't actually know anyone else who is unemployed IRL so I can't help but to feel like I am a loser compared to them. However, I have started making a point not to answer people's questions in an embarrassed or ashamed way. I had one of those college majors where people ask, "well what are you going to do with that?" and I would try to answer questions in a way where I was saying what I thought the other person wanted to hear, reassure them that I had a plan, I know what I'm doing and I'm gonna be ok, etc. So if someone asks me what I do, I won't go into a big sad story, but I'm trying to just say I'm unemployed and looking for work, without sounding embarrassed about it. It is what it is, and they can think whatever they want.

For me what frustrates me about as much is the attitude towards what others perceive as lower-level jobs. I see this so much, people acting like they are better than other people because of what their job is. Or people assuming that a person waiting tables or working as a janitor couldn't possibly be happy, and feeling pity for them. I am in the US, and I really dislike this emphasis on everyone's job and profession. I agree, we are so much more than our jobs. But maybe that is just for my family and close friends to understand. I'm trying to tell myself I only care about what they think, but it frustrates me that some people are so quick to make judgments on others' lives, based on their own ideas of success and happiness.

It makes me very uncomfortable if I'm in a group of people, and others ask what I do for a living, and I have to say I'm unemployed at the moment. Then I feel like I'm the only one without a job. Ughh!

Originally Posted by Deborah35

It makes me very uncomfortable if I'm in a group of people, and others ask what I do for a living, and I have to say I'm unemployed at the moment. Then I feel like I'm the only one without a job. Ughh!

It's not fun...especially when other people are working.

You can say "I'm between jobs...I used to work at company X doing Y."

Or you can say "I'm a ________ (whatever kind of work you used to do). Nobody's business to know that you aren't doing it right now.

I always tell people what i do, even if i'm not working because they might know someone looking for my kind of job.

For me what frustrates me about as much is the attitude towards what others perceive as lower-level jobs. I see this so much, people acting like they are better than other people because of what their job is. Or people assuming that a person waiting tables or working as a janitor couldn't possibly be happy, and feeling pity for them. I am in the US, and I really dislike this emphasis on everyone's job and profession. I agree, we are so much more than our jobs. But maybe that is just for my family and close friends to understand. I'm trying to tell myself I only care about what they think, but it frustrates me that some people are so quick to make judgments on others' lives, based on their own ideas of success and happiness.

Funny that you say that - I was talking to a girl I know yesterday that is a waitress at a local diner - i actually have a lot of respect for someone that does that - I could never do that - it's really hard, 16 hour days, on your feet, dealing with hungry rude people, carrying heavy trays and sometimes people stiff you for tips....it's very honest work. you can't fake your way through the day the way I've seen people do it in my profession.

People think a title and an office mean something...most of the time it just means you're better with the BS.

[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

People think a title and an office mean something...most of the time it just means you're better with the BS.

Wow, I can really relate to this statement! I've been in so many corporate situations where people have allowed their jobs to somehow "validate" themselves. And I've also caught myself doing it at one point.

There is absolutely an attitude towards the unemployed, especially from people with jobs who rarely, imho, understand just how difficult the job market in the US is right now. I have a friend constantly telling me to "just take anything for now." She certainly means well, but having been in her own job for over 20 years, she really has no idea how difficult it is to even find "anything for now."

This is a very good thread, thank you.

So true SadNY/NJ I've heard people tell me that too, take anything, at least it's something coming in. That's fine, but the question I ask myself "Will that "anything" job pay the bills. I can't believe how things have changed say since the early 90's when a staffing agency could find me another job quick if another assignment ended. Now, all I get is if your skills match something in our system we'll call you. Well, isn't that their job to assist you in finding a job? If they have nothing, why are they there? You have to wait for them to call you they tell me. I can't even go there and register first like it used to be, it sucks. I call in at least once a week like they say to do, why do they keep telling me the same thing over & over, I don't get it. I really don't prefer staffing agencies for a variety of reasons though.

Originally Posted by SadNJNY

Wow, I can really relate to this statement! I've been in so many corporate situations where people have allowed their jobs to somehow "validate" themselves. And I've also caught myself doing it at one point.

There is absolutely an attitude towards the unemployed, especially from people with jobs who rarely, imho, understand just how difficult the job market in the US is right now. I have a friend constantly telling me to "just take anything for now." She certainly means well, but having been in her own job for over 20 years, she really has no idea how difficult it is to even find "anything for now."

This is a very good thread, thank you.

It kills my mom that I left my job without having another one. I took a month off and then took a work from home job without benefits and way less money, to keep my sanity.
When I told my mom, first of all, she reacted like I'd been out of work for a year, not a month...and this was with my husband telling her it was fine for me not to work, totally supportive...I think she just really liked saying, "My daughter works for _______"

Originally Posted by Deborah35

So true SadNY/NJ I've heard people tell me that too, take anything, at least it's something coming in. That's fine, but the question I ask myself "Will that "anything" job pay the bills. I can't believe how things have changed say since the early 90's when a staffing agency could find me another job quick if another assignment ended. Now, all I get is if your skills match something in our system we'll call you. Well, isn't that their job to assist you in finding a job? If they have nothing, why are they there? You have to wait for them to call you they tell me. I can't even go there and register first like it used to be, it sucks. I call in at least once a week like they say to do, why do they keep telling me the same thing over & over, I don't get it. I really don't prefer staffing agencies for a variety of reasons though.

Unfortunately staffing agencies aren't what they once were because the job market isn't what i used to be. This is actually what i do for a living - I started in staffing agencies back in the 90s, when there were tons of jobs and we could just call someone and place them.
Now, one job opens and literally hundreds of people will apply for 1 job. Many of them will be qualified too.
I don't work in staffing anymore, but even in the corporate world it is the same thing. Whether it's a entry level or a senior level person, a lot of people apply - there are just so many more people looking.

Stay at home moms are starting to look because their husbands lost their jobs. Retirees are coming back out of retirement because they lost their retirement money in the stock market. Plus there's the millions of people who were laid off in the past 3-5 years who still haven't found a job.

I talk to people all day long who have been out of work for so long...i want to help all of them.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

It's not fun...especially when other people are working.

You can say "I'm between jobs...I used to work at company X doing Y."

Or you can say "I'm a ________ (whatever kind of work you used to do). Nobody's business to know that you aren't doing it right now.

I always tell people what i do, even if i'm not working because they might know someone looking for my kind of job.


Funny that you say that - I was talking to a girl I know yesterday that is a waitress at a local diner - i actually have a lot of respect for someone that does that - I could never do that - it's really hard, 16 hour days, on your feet, dealing with hungry rude people, carrying heavy trays and sometimes people stiff you for tips....it's very honest work. you can't fake your way through the day the way I've seen people do it in my profession.

People think a title and an office mean something...most of the time it just means you're better with the BS.

Originally Posted by SadNJNY

Wow, I can really relate to this statement! I've been in so many corporate situations where people have allowed their jobs to somehow "validate" themselves. And I've also caught myself doing it at one point.

There is absolutely an attitude towards the unemployed, especially from people with jobs who rarely, imho, understand just how difficult the job market in the US is right now. I have a friend constantly telling me to "just take anything for now." She certainly means well, but having been in her own job for over 20 years, she really has no idea how difficult it is to even find "anything for now."

This is a very good thread, thank you.

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

It kills my mom that I left my job without having another one. I took a month off and then took a work from home job without benefits and way less money, to keep my sanity.
When I told my mom, first of all, she reacted like I'd been out of work for a year, not a month...and this was with my husband telling her it was fine for me not to work, totally supportive...I think she just really liked saying, "My daughter works for _______"


Unfortunately staffing agencies aren't what they once were because the job market isn't what i used to be. This is actually what i do for a living - I started in staffing agencies back in the 90s, when there were tons of jobs and we could just call someone and place them.
Now, one job opens and literally hundreds of people will apply for 1 job. Many of them will be qualified too.
I don't work in staffing anymore, but even in the corporate world it is the same thing. Whether it's a entry level or a senior level person, a lot of people apply - there are just so many more people looking.

Stay at home moms are starting to look because their husbands lost their jobs. Retirees are coming back out of retirement because they lost their retirement money in the stock market. Plus there's the millions of people who were laid off in the past 3-5 years who still haven't found a job.

I talk to people all day long who have been out of work for so long...i want to help all of them.

Wow, lots to comment on here....Great posts, guys! This leads me to ask a related question...does anyone think networking is overrated? This thing about telling everyone you know that you're looking, etc. Thing is, IMO, is people are different towards you if you're out of work. If you're not, their attitude is different. Personally,I don't think it works the way it''s supposed to. Any opening they might know about is something they're unlikely to share, unless they are unusually kind, because you are their competition! And being employed, they have a better chance at getting it anyway.

Jaded, you're right that it's nobody's business what you do, but people make it their business for some reason. I have a lot of respect for people like waiters on their feet all day, dealing with rude/hungry people, and getting looked down on! Also, you're right it's wrong to assume it's just "temporary" for them, as they couldn't possibly want to do that forever! But you're right...it IS honest work and they can't "fake" their way through anything. There, customer service means something, whereas "customer service" at the phone company might mean just following the script, even if they are rude to you!!! Plus, you don't take something like waitressing "home with you" in the literal sense. White collar jobs might expect you to be available 24/7, and work at home as well as from the office! Work, work, work....You're right that BS-ing your way can be easier with your fancy title & office.

Geez, one month is not long! It's not like a year or more off, and besides you often need that to "regroup" or "recharge"!

You are so right that staffing agencies are not what they used to be! They suck now, and I have fond memories of when I was working for just one, right out of high school. It was how I got experience. They kept me busy, while also giving me a day or two off between assignments! NOW, there are many more agencies around than back then, BUT with less work available to spread among all of them! They are great at talking you into signing up. But then, they never call you. Sure, you call THEM, but you get that, "Sorry, we don't have anything now" when their stupid ad says they have TONS of jobs, etc. Blasted!

Staffing agencies also make you go for an interview with the client first, whereas before they just sent you. Staff at the agency used to be so nice in telling me stuff like where to park, whether I should bring lunch or there's places close by, dress code, etc. Now, they expect you to just know this stuff somehow. I was with as many as 4 agencies at one time, and not a single one had any work. Here,they are often in places that don't validate parking or have much available even on the street. So even if they don't charge you a fee (which they really advertise), you end up paying an arm & leg for parking.

Sad, you're right about that "take anything for now" thing, as it usually comes from people who have never been out of work a day in their lives. And they forget that they are not immune to that fate! And, a disconcerting comment I read from some "career coach" is that not working in your field or chosen field will hurt you, since it's something unrelated to what usually do! But if you have bills to pay?????!!! I read about a truck driver job that had over 1,000 applicants.

[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by nonightowl

does anyone think networking is overrated? This thing about telling everyone you know that you're looking, etc. Thing is, IMO, is people are different towards you if you're out of work. If you're not, their attitude is different. Personally,I don't think it works the way it''s supposed to. Any opening they might know about is something they're unlikely to share, unless they are unusually kind, because you are their competition! And being employed, they have a better chance at getting it anyway.

Yes and no. I think it really depends on who you tell you're unemployed.
If I had not told a very understanding acquaintance, I wouldn't have gotten
my last 2 jobs - in fact one of them was working a year for him! The other
was another freelance lead he gave me and I did get the gig, although
it only lasted 2 months. In particular, him and another friend that have been
on constant vigil for me. Both used to give me a lot of leads, but lately there
just aren't any leads out there to pass along.

I have to say that in the past 4 years, I've gotten FAR more leads through
networking than through any other source. Same holds true for my brother.
But again, I want to stress it depends on who you tell. Most friends and family
will be understanding. That's been my experience thus far.

However, I did have one occasion where one friend told me about a lead and
a different friend undercut me by going after the same job without telling
me - even though she already had a job! It caused a big rift between
us because she indeed did know I was going after that position. I've since turned
the other cheek and forgiven her. But I still can't and won't trust her on
certain matters.

The problem I'm now encountering is that many people in my network have either,
(a) started their own business or
(b) left my industry to do something completely different, so they can't really help me or
(c) are unemployed themsleves and struggling or
(d) have retired early
Right now, it's overwhelmingly (c).

Despite all the data and statistics the "experts" and the government want to
throw my way telling me we're in "recovery", I still firmly believe we're in a recession.

I'm really tired of hearing all the "statistics" on the job recovery whatever. I don't know what or who to believe, I don't really look that much into all the "numbers". One day unemployment claims drop, then the next they go up. Probably because people get fed up and can't find work. I was told by an HR person that just submitting resume after resume online will not get you a job these days. Funny, because that's what it's become with alot of places, submit application/resume. Remember when you actually got a phone call for an interview, now it's an automated response. It's like you have to know someone. I don't know alot of people in that sense. What ever happened to the good old-fashioned phone call to bring you in for an interview.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Deborah35

I'm really tired of hearing all the "statistics" on the job recovery whatever. I don't know what or who to believe, I don't really look that much into all the "numbers". One day unemployment claims drop, then the next they go up. Probably because people get fed up and can't find work. I was told by an HR person that just submitting resume after resume online will not get you a job these days. Funny, because that's what it's become with alot of places, submit application/resume. Remember when you actually got a phone call for an interview, now it's an automated response. It's like you have to know someone. I don't know alot of people in that sense. What ever happened to the good old-fashioned phone call to bring you in for an interview.

Like you, I am sick of "numbers" that mean nothing to me! The numbers only count people who are collecting unemployment; once you drop out of that system, you don't count anymore. I hate the way they tell you to "network" and it's the best way to find work. People look at you funny if you're out of work. I often feel it's a parallel world for the unemployed, as you have people who are & never have been, going on their merry way.

As for online stuff, there's always advice telling you how to stand out, etc. But with everyone reading that same advice, how does anyone stand out if everyone is doing the same thing? Yeah, I remember the good ol-days, Deborah. I can't believe I call it that, but even faxxes stood out more than online resumes. Then they tell you to call the company, etc. to ask if they received it. In the real world, companies don't like to be called. Imagine everyone who applied calling like that! There's probably a "black hole" that online resumes end up in.

And back to my subject about occupation defining people in the U.S, consider this:

As kids, we were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" So, at an early age, we are conditioned to believe that you need to BE something, DO something.....as if the kid is not ALREADY SOMEBODY. What are going to BE? I don't know if kids are still asked this, but adults asked all the time when I was little.

NOW, as adults, we get, "What do you DO?" even before a "What's your name?"

[mgran]

There's a huge prejudice against the unemployed. I lost my last job, due to a combination of extreme bullying from my previous employer, and how my illness caused me to respond to it. My family's attitude (well, particularly my father's) changed dramatically when I was unemployed.

I also noticed a tendency for everyone to ask "what do you do?" and if you said, "I've recently become redundant," they'd ask what were you looking for... as time went on the attitude of disapproval became stronger. I wasn't well enough to work, and I was too ashamed to tell them the truth, so I pulled myself in like a snail.

As I've been recovering I've started doing voluntary work in the community which is very fulfilling. My immediate family (not my brother though) told me that I should be working for pay. I know that I couldn't cope with that stress just yet. But they wouldn't hear it.

And now when people ask me what I'm doing, I tell them, and let them assume it's paid work, because I've seen the attitude of those in work to those who volunteer. It's painful, it's horrible, but the prejudice is real.

mgran - I just wanted to let you know - my last boss was the worst bully - i had to quit - she made me cry and have nightmares and panic attacks for 4 months - it's the worst feeling ever. I begged to get laid off from there. i know because of my illness maybe i didn't handle it as well as someone else might have - my friend who took my place is doing my job and her job and she is somehow managing. without the nightmares or the tears or panic attacks.

This leads me to ask a related question...does anyone think networking is overrated? This thing about telling everyone you know that you're looking, etc. Thing is, IMO, is people are different towards you if you're out of work. If you're not, their attitude is different. Personally,I don't think it works the way it''s supposed to. Any opening they might know about is something they're unlikely to share, unless they are unusually kind, because you are their competition! And being employed, they have a better chance at getting it anyway.

Networking is not overrated if you're doing it the right way.
you just never know who is going to know someone who can help you.
I have gotten my last 4 jobs just through people I know - no job boards or applications.

And i also hire people. Of the last 3 people I hired - 2 were through networking. One of them, i emailed a woman - she wasn't looking for a job but her husband was - he wrote me back and i ended up hiring him...Even if the person you network with today can't help you now - they could help you in a month or a year. Everybody knows somebody else...it's almost like matchmaking.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about networking or jobsearching in general - i'd love to help.