[Vossie42]

Hey, everyone. I got laid off yesterday morning. My company got bought by another. They bought the book of business but not the employees, so people have been getting laid off for the past two months. I thought that I would not be laid off due to my skills in 3 departments and knowing the payroll software inside out. But, no, I was laid off yesterday morning and it came as a surprise to me. I learned later that my coworkers were genuinely shocked and scared because someone with excellent skills in payroll, finance and benefits was laid off. I was a top performer. If I could get laid off, anyone could. No, I was not highly paid. Anyhoo, I'm not writing to debate whether or not I should have been laid off.

I'm writing to see if my reactions in the last 36 hours have been normal: racing thoughts, racing heartbeats, deep wrenching sobs; screaming in terror inside, strong overwhelming feelings of shame and abandonment, uncontrollable shaking. Emotional memories of past losses have come back adding to the distress that I feel. Believe me, "distress" is a mild word for what I feel.

I feel like my getting laid off was for personal reasons. The former CEO at my old company came back and brokered the sale between my old company and the one that bought us. Now that I've been laid off, former coworkers have told me that the former CEO has said that he doesn't trust me. He thinks I'm a trouble-maker. Someone else told him that I was bad-mouthing a person that the CEO really liked. It was the opposite. That someone else was bad-mouthing the CEO's favorite but attributing it to me. If you ask my coworkers, they would say that I rarely said anything bad about someone, and when I did, it was generally agreed that the person deserved it. Then again, it could all just be rumors that have gotten repeated so many times that they turned into something else entirely.

It's hard not to take the layoff personally, especially since I tend to blame myself for everything remotely connected to me. Exercise helps to pull me out of depression when I feel like I'm going into the death spiral. It also helps burn of the unpleasant energy created by high levels of anxiety. But I can't exercise 24/7! LOL! The freak-out levels of anxiety and the plunging depression scare my along with the usual stresses of unemployment - job search, lack of money and all that lack of money entails.

I wonder if the extremes of my emotions and physical symptoms are within the range of normal or should I call my Pdoc for an additional antidepressant for the short term? I have depression and bipolar II. I'm on 200 mg lamotrigine and 60 mg Cymbalta. I was on lexapro but that made me really lethargic and depressed, even at low doses.

I'm definitely going to cut out caffeine! I'm sure that's aggravating the anxiety, racing heart and shaking. Strange that I've never had that reaction from coffee before. I've been a heavy coffee drinker for years...

What do ya'll think?

I think I felt about 95% of what you felt when I got laid off last April ... I've been working for 35 years, and that's the first time that ever happened to me and OMG! was it ever scary ... !!! Our company was also the victim of a hostile takeover, and, to be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to go to work for the company that buried us because I didn't like their ethics and morals ... So I'm glad they laid us all off ...

It might not hurt to talk this over with your therapist or p-doc ... It is a major life stressor and could certainly send you into a major tailspin if it hasn't already ...

The main thing is to try to stay positive ... Which is pretty darn hard when you're looking at an unemployment check that will barely cover the necessities ...

I spent my days diligently looking for work ... I think I worked harder at looking for another job than I had actually worked at any job I'd ever had ... Scared to death the whole time ... Six weeks later I had a better job with better benefits ...

Needless to say, it left me reeling and a bit scattered and I found that I did need a little extra therapeutic support to help me through ...

Be extra patient, gentle and kind with yourself right now ... I'm feelin' for ya because it is not a good place to find yourself in, not at all ... Also, try not to focus too much on what they did wrong and who said or did what or who shot John ... It's all water under the bridge and you don't need that negative energy interfering with you trying to muster up a brave face and positive attitude for those interviews you'll be going to ... Prospective employers can pick up on good / bad vibes and you want good vibes all the way ...

I wish you the best ... Keep us posted ...

Sincerely,
BC

[Vossie42]

Thanks, BC! I am staying positive. Whenever I start replaying the layoff in my head, I redirect my thoughts and say positive stuff to myself. I was traumatized by the experience once already. I don't need to traumatize myself even more by replaying the actual layoff and the ensuing 24 hours in my head over and over. Been there, done that waaaayyyyy too many times, lol!

[growlycat]

Most corporate decisions that are so sweeping are just the end of a long line of bad decisions. I lost my last job because I was loyal to a boss that wasn't liked by the higher-ups. Not because of me. It's hard to remind yourself of that I'm sure!!!

After 2 years of only temp work, I'm back in a new job--higher position w/about the same salary. Just be persistent in your search-you never know when the right job will crop up.

[Vossie42]

[quote=growlycat;2220709]Most corporate decisions that are so sweeping are just the end of a long line of bad decisions.

That's for sure! Thanks, Growly!