[Pepsiholic2013]

I'm not exactly certain why I'm turning to here for this situation... I'm not even sure how to start this off. I'm worried that I may have a personality disorder due to this incident that I've had at work. It's very lengthy - and I'm thankful to anyone that reads it. I've changed the names of everyone in the office to protect mine and their identity. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

So basically... One day I went into work at the office at my regularly schedule time. Mary was the only one working there, and she told me that Patricia was there but she left to go to a doctor's appointment. She also said that Patricia took some money out of the petty cash to go get change since we only had high bills and needed $1s and $5s. I asked how long Patricia had been gone, and Mary told me about an hour or so ago. Mary didn't know how much money Patricia had taken out of petty cash. We also had two incidents recently where money was stolen from one of our other office locations. The night shift people have to count the petty cash each night and sign their name next to the amount that's there. I was closing that night. It was later that night, and Patricia still had not returned. We tried texting and calling and never got an answer. I'm sure that her appointment did not last that long. I eventually called and left her a message and said that I'm really worried that she hasn't returned with the money yet and that I would like it if she could call me back at 555-5555 (the office's phone number) and let me know if she was going to bring the money in before closing or if she was just going to bring it in with her in the morning when she came back to work since it was getting late. She never called back and ended up coming in right before closing and bringing the money.

The next day she said she wanted to talk to me and pulled me aside and asked me what I thought her job responsibilities are. She then gave me a lecture on how it's her responsibility to make sure that everything runs smoothly and proceeded to give me the specifics of what she has to do specifically to keep the office running smoothly. She then talked about how I made it sound like I accused of her stealing money when I left that voicemail, how it offended her because she had been working there for fifteen years, how I ruined her date that night, how it sounded like I was talking down to her, and that she e-mailed our supervisor to let her know what was going on. She also said that I said in the voicemail that I was "disappointed that she took the money." I don't remember saying that.

On Wednesday, I got a call from our supervisor. She wanted to know my explanation behind the call. I told her everything I just told you. She, however, said that I was given clear directions about the petty cash and that the call was completely unnecessary. The supervisor said that the only reason that I called Patricia was to insight anger in her.

Linda then told me that she got a complaint from Mary about a time that I gave a patient's copay back to her. The patient has a past due patient balance on her account of several hundred dollars. She came in with her mother that day, and her mother ended up being sent by ambulance to the emergency room because she was having a possible heart attack. The daughter was never seen by a provider, and therefore she would not have been billed. She asked if she could have her copay back and didn't want the money applied to her past due balance, so I gave her copay back to her when the EMTs were transporting her mother out. This actually happened over a month ago, but my supervisor nor anyone else had mentioned it to me until I got the call where she terminated me. The supervisor said that I should have kept the money from the patient and used it to apply to her past due balance. She said that she doesn't understand my logic with that decision and that it didn't make any sense.

I had been trying to do a very good job with the patients and billing, and about once a week I would go speak to the billing department and ask if they had any feedback for me - and everytime there would be no feedback other than that I was doing a good job (and to quote one billing department worker, "Out of all the employees you worry the most when you should really be worrying the least"). That incident with the copay was never mentioned to me by the billing supervisor nor any of the other billing employees. I know for a fact that my supervisor only knew about it since my coworker at the time told her about it since it made her angry that I gave the woman's money back to her since she was milking the system (the coworker told me this herself).

Then my supervisor said that Barbara had went and complained to her and said that I make innapropriate comments about patients while they are in the waiting room, and even sexual comments too. I thought Barbara was my friend, and she acted like she was my friend. She always laughed at what I said, and she even would reciprocate in the same way. There was never any indication that anything that I said was taken wrongly, negatively, etc. I did tell Linda that I did make fun of some of the things that patients did or said - and all the other doctors, nurses, reception staff, medical assistants, nurse practitioner and PAs do the same thing as well. I said that as far as sexual comments go, I thought that Barbara was my friend and we would say, "Oh that person is hot!" or "Check out that guy's tattoos!" but that's it. In all honesty, I've never said anything or done anything worse than anyone else has ever done. The other people that I work with all discuss their sex life openly, make fun of patients even while in the waiting room or in a bed, tell perverted jokes (it wasn't uncommon to hear talk about sex toys, Fifty Shades was very popular in the office, one of these coworkers that complained about me told me how she creams a lot when she has sex and guys love it when I had first met her). I told another coworker (that I do know I can trust) and she told me not to worry about anything - that everyone talks like that and she's never heard me say anything worse than what others have said. I would NEVER EVER EVER even say things like that to anyone, until I knew that the person would be okay with it (and in the office, when other people were joking around that way, I thought it would be okay too).

She then mentioned that someone once overheard me talking to Elizabeth (a nurse) about her period (I said, "Gosh Elizabeth! You are such a ***** today! Are you on your period?" and that they were greatly offended because it's not appropriate workplace conversation and wasn't appropriate for a grown woman to discuss that with a young guy. I know that's not appropriate at all in any circumstance - however, with that nurse we were always saying shocking things to each other and would try to outdo each other. She even says things to other people!

My supervisor said that she can't have me creating a hostile work environment where the other employees feel uncomfortable coming to work. She said that it's best to go ahead and terminate the employment as of that day based upon my inability to perform the job. She said she feels like these are personality issues that cannot be changed. She said that I've been with them for awhile, and that lately it seems like there's not a day where there's not a complaint about something that I've done or said. She feels like it's my personality and it's not a good fit.

I felt angry when I was terminated on the spot (I felt there should have been a notice - such as two weeks or so to where I could still have an income coming in and be out looking for jobs on my time off). I felt angry at my supervisor because I had seen her several times prior to this, and she has NEVER given me any negative feedback about me saying inappropriate things, me offending others, etc. Every time I saw her, everything was good. I felt surprised when she had this call with me; I was not expecting it. There were no warnings, no disciplinary actions, no anything! I honestly would have changed and been very professional - I've never had this issue at any of my other past employers since no one else acted like this and I knew it wasn't appropriate! This wasn't a constant "personality" trait of mine that I can't change. The supervisor had given me this job almost a year ago in a few weeks personally because I knew her from my past job (that I was at for 3.5 years - NEVER EVER had an issue with coworkers other than the usual of people calling out at last minute - I got a long with every single person there) and she always mentioned my good customer service skills and talked about how the office could use someone like me. I feel angry because none of my old coworkers had ever said anything to me at all. Why would they not say anything to me?

I just don't understand the whole situation. I feel anxious about trusting anyone; especially in work environments! When I get another job (hopefully), I will be very guarded and only go along with the motions and pleasantries of social etiquette... I plan on not becoming relaxed and letting my guard down. I deleted and blocked everyone from this job on my Facebook (except for the one person that I know I can trust and is very genuine).

I still have another part-time job (only eight hours per week; not able to pick up more hours) and do not have problems with any coworkers or supervisors there - only good feedback from everyone and the clients we work with... but how do I know now if I can trust them? I also don't act like I did at the other office - I'm still myself but I know what jokes are appropriate and what aren't.

I'm uncertain why I'm posting on here... perhaps I'm looking for empathy? sympathy? an answer? just to know someone's out there?

What does everyone think about this situation? I feel worried that I may have a personality disorder...or at least characteristics of one. In the past, I have been diagnosed by two different therapists that I saw each for about a year (although almost five years apart) with Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood. I went to a psychiatrist for about a year as well and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Labile Mood (and was put on Wellbutrin and Celexa - which helped). I no longer feel depressed at all - save for an occasional low mood here and there. I do struggle with anxiety though. All of my mental health professionals have thought and agreed that I had a narcissistic mother. I don't know if that would make a difference - perhaps I relate to others in that way. However, none of them thought that I qualified for a NPD diagnosis since they said that I can be very empathic and considerate of others. Both therapists have told me that they have seen some borderline characteristics in me from time to time, but that I definitely do not meet criteria for a personality disorder and that I'm too functional. My psychiatrist was surprised to see that I wanted to try medication since I was doing everything that someone my age should be doing - I was able to hold down a job for several years, I have had lasting friendships, I was going to school and progressing in my studies, etc.

[Travelinglady]

Is there any higher up group or person you could appeal to? IMO, they are in the wrong if they never complained before. Methinks you evidently ticked off the boss's pet and then people were asked if you had "bad" done things before that could be used to justify letting you go. And they came up with stuff.

Did anyone actually say, "Personality issues that cannot be changed"? It could be that under stress some of your issues mentioned from past professionals asserted themselves, such as anxiety. But from what you said, I don't think that statement is necessarily accurate.

I suggest you consider talking to a counselor about your experience. It's understandable that you would be upset and I think he/she could help you analyze what happened and get a handle on the circumstances. Getting fired would be stressful for anyone, especially out of the blue, as in your case!

Hope that helps!

[Beholden]

Working in general can be the stessor, let alone all the different personalities that are required to get along. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time of it now.

Unfortunitly, at most places of employment, they have a rule or right to dismiss anyone at anytime for anything - open employment or what ever they call it. If they don't like you, or if they say you don't fit in or tht there are personality differences with other employees - they can legally let you go without notice. It really sucks when it happens. You don't have to have done something wrong for a company to fire you. Their employee handbook most likely says employees can be let go without cause...blah blah blah.

You have skills, you even have your part-time job. But it's really a burdon for you to 'now' feel like you have to be so guarded in the future. But I think that's a pretty normal reaction. And it can really isolate you, so it is better imho, to seek help so you can get a non objective opinion and coach you in how to go forward.

I think if you could talk with a pdoc, go to therapy etc that it would really help you with the feelings you are dealing with, especially the anxiety.

Anxiety issues like this are so hard to deal with alone, as it may keep running in your mind, only making it stay there and still have no answers except to rehash it all over again and again.

As hard as it is for you right now, count it a learning experience and use your job skills for the next place you work.

[unaluna]

yeah - those people you're laughing with, aren't signing your paychecks. I was in the same spot. if possible, find another outlet for your comedic skills - you do have them. it might not be an easy task, but you are a very bright person. don't try to squish your big personality into their small space.

[Perna]

It sounds like you got in with a "bad" crew/supervisor that weren't compatible with your style (rather than you not being compatible with them; you're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit :-) and are better off away from them. I'm glad you have another part-time job and hope you can pick up another job to replace this one. It is hard being fired but not the end of the world. I tended to morph jobs that don't work out into being "self-employed" or part-time or temporary, pretend like I did not plan to stay and make sure any prospective employee knows that I am glad I am not at that job/with those people anymore because "I" did not get along with them (versus they're not liking me) and say the parting was "mutual" rather than emphasize that I was fired and "should" not have been. I just tell people "I worked for awhile doing office work and medical billing for this one company but it was not a good fit for me so I'm looking for elsewhere now".

Keep the negative/don't fit on the other people. Yes you don't fit with them, you are much better than they as evidenced by their petty ways! I would take the "can't be changed" to just mean they are narrow-minded and don't want you; it's about them, not about you, they obviously don't know you!

In short, remember the wonderful advice on a cloth carrier/purse I once had, "When you are being run out of town, get in front and make it look like a parade!"

[Pepsiholic2013]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Is there any higher up group or person you could appeal to?

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Did anyone actually say, "Personality issues that cannot be changed"?

Unfortunately, there is no one I can go to in order to appeal the decision. My manager was the Operations Manager and worked directly under the C.E.O. of the company (that's not involved with issues such as this). I asked her how she would feel about giving me a second chance - and she told me no. She said, "No, I believe that's your personality" and that "these are personality issues that cannot be changed." Direct quotes from her.

PAYNE1, thank you for being the first person to respond to my posting! I really appreciate it! I am going to take your's (and everyone else's) advice and look into seeing a counselor as I do feel that I am sinking into a slight depression here - lack of motivation, lack of energy, etc.

Originally Posted by Beholden

You have skills, you even have your part-time job. But it's really a burdon for you to 'now' feel like you have to be so guarded in the future. But I think that's a pretty normal reaction. And it can really isolate you, so it is better imho, to seek help so you can get a non objective opinion and coach you in how to go forward.

Yeah! I think I'm going to try to focus on developing my friendships outside of work. I'm still going to be cordial and friendly and self-disclosing (as appropriate) to people at future employments - but still a little guarded. If a friendship happens, then that's great! But I'm not going to go out of my way... what do you think about that?

Originally Posted by hankster

yeah - those people you're laughing with, aren't signing your paychecks. I was in the same spot. if possible, find another outlet for your comedic skills - you do have them. it might not be an easy task, but you are a very bright person. don't try to squish your big personality into their small space.

This was a funny response - and I'm going to heed your advice. My humor got me into trouble here - I still don't understand why those people couldn't have talked to me instead of just laughing along with me and then going to the supervisor behind my back. I totally would have respected them asserting their needs to me - and I would have been happy to change my ways to make our relationship more effective. In the future, I'm going to do better about keeping my work and personal life separate.

Originally Posted by Perna

It sounds like you got in with a "bad" crew/supervisor that weren't compatible with your style (rather than you not being compatible with them; you're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit :-) and are better off away from them. I'm glad you have another part-time job and hope you can pick up another job to replace this one. It is hard being fired but not the end of the world. I tended to morph jobs that don't work out into being "self-employed" or part-time or temporary, pretend like I did not plan to stay and make sure any prospective employee knows that I am glad I am not at that job/with those people anymore because "I" did not get along with them (versus they're not liking me) and say the parting was "mutual" rather than emphasize that I was fired and "should" not have been. I just tell people "I worked for awhile doing office work and medical billing for this one company but it was not a good fit for me so I'm looking for elsewhere now"

Thank you for the advice about future interviews! I already had an answer like that thought of... now if only I can get an interview!!! I've applied to several jobs already and I have not got a call back.

[Pepsiholic2013]

Within the last few days, one of the girls that my supervisor mentioned complaining about me called me and said that she was concerned and that she's sorry about what happened. I told her that I can't trust her since our supervisor mentioned her specifically. She said she was going to go talk to the supervisor.

She texted me the other day and said that she had the talk with her. She said that she heard that her name was mentioned in the reasons for why I got fired. She said that the supervisor told her that her name was not mentioned and that what she told her was not used as a reason to fire me (that was a lie - the supervisor has been caught lying to other employees as well - a lot of people don't trust her). The supervisor told her that she didn't want to let me go and that she wanted me to be successful, but she felt like it was a decision that she had to make and stick with it.

I sent the girl a text back saying, "Alright thank you! I miss you all there!" and deleted her number out of my phone.

I still have not found another job either. I've applied to quite a few jobs. One of them the hiring manager talked to me on the phone, and I told her that I can come in for an interview. Since it was close to closing on Friday, she said she was gone on the weekend and on Monday and that I'll hear from her on Tuesday. I called her Tuesday after I had not heard anything from her - and she told me that she already filled the position.

I just don't get it. And I've received no other calls, interviews, etc.

I feel very discouraged right now - if not bordering on hopeless.

On the plus side, I got approved for unemployment!

[Travelinglady]

Yea for unemployment money! Don't give up on a job, though. It took a year for a friend of mine to get one. And more than a year for her husband, who was seeking a high level position at a college or university. Just remember how the economy is right now and be persistent. I do still think talking to a counselor is useful.

You're welcome that I replied first. I often wait a bit to see if anybody else responds, and if not, I might horn in. I hate for folks to think Psych Central doesn't care. We do. Sometimes I think people are waiting for someone else to start first!