[tigerlily84]

I originally posted this in the depression forum, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to post this here, since it is a work related issue. I apologize in advance, because this is long.

Had a very difficult day at work on Thursday. I am so irritated with my boss! My anxiety was sky high because my grandfather's funeral was the following day. I had my annual review (3 months late, but whatever), and my boss told me that I'm great, one of the best reps at the company. This is all well and good, but she mentioned that during our monthly meetings I have a blank look on my face when she critiques my work. This is a surprise to hear because everyone else that I know IRL has always told me that my face is very expressive.

When I asked her what she meant by this, she was scrambling for words. She didn't really know what she meant by it either. She did an impression of me to "show me what I look like." She prefaced the impression by saying that she didn't mean to make fun of me but I really didn't need the visual. Was that really necessary to do?

She also said that I don't participate enough during the meetings, and she wants to know what I'm thinking. If I tell her what I really think I would probably be fired. So I figure the best thing to do is to keep my mouth shut and just agree with whatever she asks me to do. I ask questions when I need clarification. What more does she want?

The overall message that I got was "be more like me." My boss is very perky and happy, which is sometimes downright annoying. I am just... not. And that's just me. Most likely, my depression has a lot to do with that. But I am just not like that. To me, it's more of a personality clash than anything else.

She says that she cares and wants my opinion, but I am suspicious. Why should she care what I'm thinking? Why does it even matter? I go to work and do my job. I ask questions when I need clarification. What more does she want?

I will say however that she does seem geniune. She's never done anything to offend me in the past and I truly don't believe that she meant to do so. I don't want to meet with my other supervisors, and I don't want to create waves. After she did the impression of me, I did not tell her that what she did was offensive, which I think was a mistake. I think I will have to meet with her on Monday to discuss this.

My question is whether I should talk to HR about it, or if I should just talk to my boss about it. Has anything like this ever happened to anyone else? If so, what did you do about it? Does anyone think I am overreacting?

Even if you don't respond, thank you for reading all of this. I just needed to vent.

[jlm13]

Hi there, I have been working in an office for many years, and I think bosses will, at one point, offend you regardless if it was intentional or not. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel bad about your boss making an impression, but you did mention she seems "genuine" and "never did anything to offend you". Was she being sarcastic? Maybe she was trying to be funny and it somehow came out the wrong way. It would be more offensive if it was in front of a group of people which it wasn't I'm assuming. I don't think there was anything wrong with her asking you to speak more in meetings, meetings are to get feedback, resolve issues, determine progress, etc... you said that they wouldn't want hear what you have to say, but maybe they do, nice or not, negative feedback is also needed so errors can be fixed.

[tigerlily84]

Thank you for your reply jim13.

After thinking about it over the weekend, I decided to talk to her about it and I'm really glad that I did. I didn't think it was wrong of her to ask me to speak up more in meetings, because I thought I was already doing that. But I can definitely try to be more engaged. I have never had a supervisor that has wanted to hear my opinion, so the idea of having one that does is completely foreign territory for me. Not many people can say that they have a boss that wants to hear what they want to say.

[OrangeMoira]

I'm glad you talked to her and it went well! That would hurt my feelings, even if she said she was not making fun.

You don't have to be bluntly honest in meetings. What about some peppy sounding "power words" when you agree: great! Fantastic! Not a problem! Terrific! I'd be happy to! (just have to put some energy into it so it doesn't sound sarcastic) Or repeat back parts of her feedback to show that you're engaged? You can also second someone else's idea and come off as a team player.

Hope it keeps going well!

[jlm13]

that's great! glad you spoke to her.

on the other hand, my boss wants us to say what she wants to hear, unfortunately