Fired, feel relieved...but can't let it go

I was just let go from work, and as ridiculous as this is going to sound (like I'm leaving out details or something), I was let go because of my personality.

Yes, apparently, as a person I'm just not what they hoped. It's an at-will state here, so they've done nothing legally wrong, per se...

I could handle this had I just started in the company a couple months or so, on probation period or something, not clicking with other staff, that kind of thing. ...The problem is, I had started that position six months prior...and had been with the company a total of 3 years!

It's a small place (75 or less employees - everyone knows everyone), and I've had the same boss the entire time by chance and just the way things have always shifted around. I started in the company doing temp work. They loved me, so they kept me around. I was promoted. I was given better jobs/positions. Promoted again. Favored as a source of workplace "wisdom," individual opinion, invited to meetings, became buddy-buddy with higher-ups, et cetera. So...it's pretty freaking ridiculous that I was fired for not being "a good fit"!

I started into the new position and was absolutely hating life by the time I was fired, completely stressed. I was praised up until month 5, then had my review and was completely blindsided with my superiors saying I'd be doing nearly nothing to meet their expectations in the new position. I was given a new job description because they admitted they wanted me to be like the person whose position I filled, not myself...and then laid blows on all of my strongsuits that I like about myself.

Wanting to remain paying the bills and strongly resisting my growing urge to go Hulk in the conference room and quit in a berserk rage, I set my efforts on completely changing my personality for them. As I was already mentally destroyed going to work full-time at a place I hated now, school full-time, and dealing with my standard mental health issues (see my profile), this proved a nail in the coffin for my mental state. A month went by, they said they saw me trying and putting in the effort (BUT), and with a rather fat amount of embarrassment and their tails between their legs with apologies that they had no where else in the company to put me, they let me go. My manager of 3 years would barely look me in the eye (NOT like her) and said she "hate[d] doing these things. Especially for a reason like this." There is no management higher than her, so it was all her conclusive decision to let me go.

Since then and during, there were many problems with keeping their promises on pay and ethical promises. I had to REMIND them after they gave me my "final check" that I was making more an hour at that point than they paid out... They never would have made any effort to contact me. I did all of their final employee-exit stuff for them, essentially, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten anything.

I was so used to working there (8 to 5, Mon - Fri routine) that I haven't been able to let it go, the habit of thinking I need to wake and go there - in habit and the anxiety of having to go back to "hell" every morning. It's been about a month since I was fired. I'm glad I'm gone - but I can't stop thinking about the place! It makes it harder since my boyfriend of 4 years works there, and our best friends here work there too. I have a problem anyway with nightmares every night, and now at least one of them every night is about this place! After leaving I realized how unhappy I was there the entire time, and realize now it was the single thing that sent me off of borderline social anxiety into it being an actuality.

Has anyone experienced this? I'm at my wits end! I hate that I'm "giving them power" by still being upset and feeling the anxiety in being used to starting my day there. I have trouble relaxing anyway, but this really set a difficult bar to climb down from. Any advice? Tricks? Coping strategies? I feel like a crazy ex-girlfriend after a break up...

Kind of the same thing happened to me, only I was at my job a total of 6 years - 3 temp, 3 as an employee, and they tortured me for almost a year before they fired me. It's been ten years now and I still have nightmares, altho they have lessened. If at all possible, find another position. I think I do better as a temp than as an employee, I need that sense of freedom. P.s. this was the end of a 30 year career.

I was model employee when I started at my new job, but about four months in they started going mad at me for being 'defensive' and emailing people instead of calling them/talking directly to them. Then I went crazy drunk at Christmas party and yes, I pushed my boss away, said I hated him and then bit him. Awful awful awful. But all this is very bad, unmanaged BPD and alcoholism. Counselling and meds haven't worked. I'm trying SO hard but I am fighting a battle at the same time as trying to work. I really feel your pain. x

This happened to me twice. One place I was at 8 3/4 years and the other 7 years. I think it comes from staying too long at a place that I hate instead of moving on to something else. Actually I've gone hulk about 4 times that I remember including two I was at about 2-3 years. No unemployment. I've got 6 years to go before retirement and I'm in a training program for seniors that I can be in for up to 4 years if I don't find anything. Pays minimum wage/20 hours per week. Hard to know what to say on the resume. Put me in a depression so I was struggling to function for quite a while. I've gone back to school a couple times and lived on the loans while rebuilding my life. I think it helps to have something to do, be it school or volunteer work. We have 3 acres and I'm thinking of trying to do something with an orchard and grapes. Not sure what to do during the winters. Trying to figure out some home business before I run out of time. I think they do torture people trying to make them quit on purpose to avoid paying unemployment or severence pay.

((((Red)))) I am really sorry this happened. Happened to me. Losing a job is very stressful, and it can be a huge blow (especially when they make it personal or bag on you or blindside you like this company did).

I think we have all been through it at one time or another, so take heart in knowing that you are not going crazy. How in the world could you not feel resentful after giving them everything and trying to hard and in the end, they screwed you over anyway. You feel used and totally used up. It's as if they got the better of you or something

(That happened to me about 10 years ago, and I still have a crazy fantasy that if I EVER saw that hideous SVP again...you get the picture! )

I think the best thing you can do is take action! Otherwise, all of the "what if's" and memories and negatives start taking over and can bring you down (been there, too).

Can you take a little break, and then when the new year rolls around, make a plan and take control of the situation:

- Start networking
- Sending your CV to companies that you are truly interested in (you know the ones that you would LOVE to work with but never thought you'd get into )
- Reaching out to friends and friends of friends and family members to get the word out for you

Also, do you have a T that you can speak with so you can talk about all of your feelings and thoughts that are surfacing. It is really helpful! Not there is anything wrong with you but it's a good place to vent! And important because it helps you address certain issues to move past them and on to bigger and better. Before you get stuck. Or worse, go back to the same thing! Repeating the same situation. Ugh.

I wish you the best and I KNOW you are going to find something and look back on this past thing and think "I am soo glad I am gone from there. I was soo much better and tried to bend myself into a pretzel for what? Whew. Glad it's a memory."

Hugs, Rose

try finding some voluntary work to give your brain something to focus on rather than dwelling on what can't be changed. Voluntary work in between paid jobs keeps your cv flowing and looks better than blank periods between jobs.

Red,

I can relate, I was fired in October the reason used was "breech of confidentiality" but that's a bunch of BS. They fired me I was October for this supposed breech that happened in March! I was also unhappy there the job was highly stressful, it was a rape crisis center and my past came back to haunt me, I confided in a co worker who I thought was a friend that I was stressed, I even told her that SI had crossed my mind. That was my downfall, she went to management and I went into counseling.. anyway long story short I was fired before I even had my 3rd session. I believed they fished around looking for a reason to drop me. I feel anger towards them because I know I did not breech confidentiality and now I will have to explain that to every employer who I interview with...Also the girl who went to the boss and told her what I said to her in confidence, she has my job now...I should have known better. They also made me look horrible to the unemployment department and I was denied benefits. anyway despite the fact that I was unhappy there and was looking for another job getting fired came out of no where and was a huge slap in the face/blow to the ego. I'm sorry about your situation.. these jerks

Thanks for the responses, guys.

I'm doing a bit better now after taking the time to really just focus on relaxing. I have a problem doing that anyway thanks to lovely mental disorders, hah, which constantly fight with my type B personality. Wish I could "pull this car over right now and go back home." Hah.

In starting to relax, the dreams have stopped, as far as I can recall each morning. Though, I feel like I still have this feeling in the back of my head when morning rolls around that if I get up, stress will immediately start. I've been trying to get up at just a little later than the same time I was just to train myself that, no, it doesn't have to stressful - shower, tea, breakfast, video games. Trying for good associations. Seems to be mostly working, as long as I can swing myself out of bed initially.

I've been trying to figure out what I really want to do and fortunately and unfortunately that involves being an artist of some sort. Or many sorts, really. I want to start my own business with selling art first of all. As far as real consistent income, I am trying to find a way to work from home. I've got social anxiety problems that are newly realized, and skyrocketed after I let my guard down post lay-off. Still applying for outside jobs when I find something good of course, but otherwise, I'm not going to compromise for happiness any more.

Rose - the feeling of them getting the better of me is exactly right. I kept saying that I felt like I had been duped. They really did use me like a guinea pig when all is considered retrospectively. Pieces came together that were really disturbing. I don't wish harm on them, but I really, really hope that the ethically-void decisions they made stay with their dreams for a while, so they don't do it again to someone else.

I am definitely considering going back to volunteering for a local animal shelter. When I was previously unemployed years ago, I did that a few times and it was satisfying - but then I got a job, hah. I may have social anxiety, but I love animals. Unfortunately, I have a weak stomach when it comes to smells, so any work in that industry is kinnnnd of barred. I just need to consider gas money - it's not particularly close by, nor bus/public transportation accessible.

It sucks - I wish deep down that no one had responded to this post, because that would mean that this kind of thing didn't happen to anyone else. I mean...it shouldn't. The things that really get to me are in the venue of lack of humanity, lack of ethics, being a "snake" in opportunity.

And really, if the US would get a hold of the idea that mental health is the root of a lot of problems and should be supported full-throttle, everyone would be a lot more productive and happy. Like, BlueWhisky - in my review I was totally ripped for sending emails or messages instead of going to talk in person. It was a small company, but not a small office. People have things to do. I like having things in writing. Getting up and having your work interrupted has been proven to waste, on average, at least 15 minutes each time because people need to get back on track. AND, in the mental health realm in general - we should be able to tell superiors from the START in the interview without auto-disqualification that, for example, "Look, I have anxiety/depression/social anxiety/whatever it may be, and I really prefer written word over person-to-person. Is that going to be a problem?" Ughh. Frustrating.

I got marched out of the office in my job eventually! Hugs. Empathy.