[dystopia]

I need help with this because it's disrupted my work life and I'm uncomfortable in group social situations with this person now and am afraid of getting criticized or ostracized or shunned because of what I think is a misunderstanding.

I stayed late to focus on work because it was too distracting during the day sitting next to the loud customer service girl who complains often about customers and bashes the phone against the desk or plays yelling customers on the phone speaker, but this girl asked me if I would turn off the lights when I left and I said yes, but then the warehouse guys come in and turn on some lights I don't use and say they're leaving and since I don't have a key I leave first and they turn out the lights.

Other nights I left early and left the door light on for the warehouse guys and they usually turned them off but a few nights they didn't (or just locked the door outside) so this customer service person asked me if I stayed late and I said yes but she said I have to turn the lights out if I'm the last person in the office so I say I'll have to talk to the warehouse guys. They tell me they don't necessarily check the lights but a few nights I turn the lights out and leave but someone came in and turned one on and forgot to turn it off and the customer service girl asked me if I stayed late, I said yes, she says again I have to turn them off when I leave no matter what, I say I'll talk to the warehouse guys (I don't mention they may have left one on because I may have missed one) she says it doesn't matter etc so I stop talking but it feels uncomfortable so I think about it for a while.

I ask the managers and they don't care so instead of continuing to discuss/argue with her about it verbally on the floor I decide to resolve it by writing a note saying I take care of my lights but everyone else's computers and lights are their responsibility (since they're hard to reach and they don't turn theirs off, just she does) and it would be nice if you left on the door light when you left. The next day she calls my name out on the floor, I ignore her, she gets up and says "What do you mean by this note?" I'm a little befuddled but she comes to my desk and says "What are you saying with this note?" I say "Exactly what it says" but she cuts me off and says "You know you're supposed to turn out the lights when you're the last to leave" and I say "I'm not the last to leave!" but she cuts me off and says "Don't you think it's a little petty to leave a note like this?" I'm stunned because I didn't think of that (I thought she would throw it away or go to the management) and I try to speak and she starts criticizing me so I reach for the note to show the manager and she holds it close to her chest and says "Don't you approach me!" so I just say "Leave my desk" and she continues berating me so I say "Leave me alone!" and when she doesn't I stomp off to the manager's office (she didn't follow).

The managers say don't worry about it and they don't really care about the lights but I am so pissed at all the disruption that she's caused me over the year that I complain about it (yelling at customers, complaining loudly after calls, slamming the phone on the hook, bashing it against the desk repetitively; nobody else there does these things) and they say they'll talk to her but it doesn't seem they did.

When I come back she's super-happy and awesome to customers and coworkers because I guess she felt like she won but she went on a vacation and has actually been mostly normal since she got back, and everyone else seems fine with me but she would not look at me when she got back and it still feels very uncomfortable and I am afraid to get involved because even after she got back she snapped at another coworker who didn't know a manager he needed had left for the day (he told her to calm down but she says "I'm not mean I just hate stupidity!") and she got angry at a customer or two again and slammed the phone on the hook and bashed it against the desk and this guy complained under his breath but walked by and was like "You're getting angry at phone calls?" and she's pretty much calmed down since then.

I'm afraid to get anywhere near interacting with her because of this erratic behavior but I feel like ignoring her makes it worse so I don't know how to deal with it. Everybody normally gets along with everybody but it seems like she's had some personal problem with me early on because I didn't respond to her loud complaining, which I guess she thought was funny but was detrimentally distracting to me.

I have some questions about this:
1. Was I petty for leaving the note?
2. Was she right to confront me at my desk and not leave when requested instead of going to management?
3. In your experience, what should I expect if I act normal (participate in group discussions or just normal office banter) and what do I do if she starts criticizing me again for something I don't think is a big deal? I ultimately don't want to get caught up in a yelling argument again.

I have been depressed since then because I feel like the office "feel" has been broken and I can't be involved in group conversations without her bowing out or taking pot-shots... I don't know, I honestly want zero relationship with her but I don't think I can avoid it (like zero = bad).

[hvert]

1. No, you were not petty, although in hindsight, I guess it wasn't the best solution. A coworker should not be bossing you around about turning the lights on or off. In the future, just go to a manager instead of interacting with her directly.
2. No, she is overstepping her bounds. She is a coworker, not your supervisor.
3. Just keep acting professional. Participate in group discussions. If she bows out, that's her problem. If she starts criticizing what you are doing, tell her that you are doing your job the way your manager asked you to and that she needs to go to them if she has a problem with you.

If you have a manager you trust, I might ask them for tips on how to deal with this person. It sounds like you aren't the only one she has an attitude problem with, so maybe someone needs to talk to her.