Work = HADES

Quick question. I have PTSD stemming from childhood and the military. I now have Agoraphobia. I have severe panic attacks and deep depression. It's sorta all rolled in one I guess.

My latest doctor note has me going back June 8 to work.

I am on a freak roller coaster right now because of this deadline. I hate that place...I don't trust anyone there, I do NOT feel safe, I get too overwhelmed with everything going on there. I have been bullied by them and am sick of it and how they treat me.

It goes on and on.

The question is...should I be with my T and doctor focusing more on telling them what is CURRENTLY going on with me there....and because of it, it is why I am going through so much now? It stirred up things I thought I had a control on and now it is so overwhelming that even typing this out is making me shake and seethe.

I tried to get help before from other sources through work about it, to no avail. It was MY fault, I am the PROBLEM, etc. They basically would gang/mob up on me, to those sources that I went to. It seems that no one see's what they do or they choose to ignore it.

I am seeing an additional T on June 3 or 4 ( I forget lol), through the VA and am hoping that I can get another note to stay away from there a little bit longer. I just am not sure what to do.

brb, gonna take a break, sorta really angry and sad at the same time right now. Gonna go finish cleaning the floor to get some of this out.

OK, I mean I tell my T about work and all kinds of other things, but am not sure if she is really seeing it.

I am also STUCK in that place. As a fed employee and hiring freezes, I just am stuck, I tried so hard to look for other things...but the job I do keeps me dealing with lots and lots of people and I get too overwhelmed with that.

I even looked for places that would just let me be, even if it was a hole in a wall somewhere...just leave me alone. Nothing.

My doctor, civilian, said I should medically retire.

I am wondering if I should do that.

I dunno.

Helpppppppppp!

Seriosuly, any insights would be wonderful and thanks!

Oh, that sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I would medically retire if you can, otherwise just up and quit. I wouldn't keep trying to put off going back, it isn't going to make things any easier and just sways the benefit of any doubt to them. There's no sideways jobs you can go to, even a few steps or grades lower, working in the background somewhere without so many people, maybe even in some other Agency? (I haven't worked for the Feds since the early- to mid-70's).

But it is clearly wrecking your health (and sanity :-) I'd get out and fall back and regroup somehow, see if you can't cobble together something else that will work for you better. In the late 80's, early 90's I worked part-time jobs for almost 10 years, got some skills I wanted and practiced some others (getting hired and then quitting later -- those tasks always made me anxious) and got to know myself better/work to what I wanted and began to realize how work works, that it's a two-way street (we should check them out as they're checking us out; they may not be good enough for us and what we want in life!).

Yeh, been giving it a lot of thought since I posted. First, in order to even begin the process, I have to request reasonable accommodations from them.

I looked on the gov's job site and just about everything I saw, was working around others and or just being placed in a situation where I know it would aggravate my demons!

I even looked at lesser paying jobs, in the areas I know to do...nothing. The hiring freezes don't help.

I think once I ask for the accommodation and they can't find anything, it should be easy from there. I hope...

I think I will go see what the BLM is offering too!

Thanks!

(((HUGS)))